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Hello to all my old friends here. I had to start a new post because the old one began to steer way off course. So to begin here I want to vent on how my lawyer is frustrating the hell out of me.
When I first went to her I was seeking somewhere near sole custody realizing I would wind up with somewhere near joint. But she just did her bare minimum working just enough to achieve the status quo. I had a lock tight case, and she blew it.
Furthermore, she gave away more visitation time than I agreed to. I had a written statement that my ex could visit on alternate Wednesdays...she gave the ex every Wednesday. On Fridays when there is no school, I get them until noon. But on Mondays when there is no school, she gets them until 5PM. And because I fought to put the kids in school with me, they gave her an extra 26 days during the summer. These are all things I didn't agree to, never received the document for review before it went to the judge, and never signed it. I'm not trying to keep the kids from their mother, I just want a fair resolution. With this plan I basically get downtime with the kids M/T/TH, while she gets
W/F/S/Sun, and most of the summer. This is not acceptable to me, nor do I think it is fair.
I feel like I was railroaded by both attorneys who just wanted to get through this case.
My first hearing is in a few weeks. Right now we are working on the financial part of the case. So the situation is getting sticky.
I want to talk to her about the custody thing, but don't want her to get too ruffled to care about the financials.
I want to fire my lawyer, and report her. But it is getting down to the wire, and finding a new lawyer, and getting one up to speed seems dangerous.
What are my rights here? Can I ask my attorney to file for a modification of the custody agreement? Would it be worthwhile going to another attorney?
You can certainly fire your atty if you think she isn't getting what you want. But remember divorce is a negotiation. Maybe she is getting you the best deal she thinks she can,
I would at the very least take it to a new attorney and see if there is something that can be done under the circumstances. It can't hurt to find out what another (or even a couple more) would say. Not having agreed and submitting "agreements" to the court without your signature at the least sounds like ineffective counsel. Since the divorce isn't final in it's entirety I would try now because afterwards it will need to be presented under a modification which will probably require a change of circumstance and be far more difficult if not impossible. You are paying for services that should be performed to the best of their ability and not explaining why and keeping you fully informed especially if they can't get you what you want is something you should be getting from your lawyer at the very least. So, take it to someone else and see if there is any possibility they can somehow file a motion to re-review or at least what you could do in the immediate future to rectify this. Good luck.
First your attorney can't give anything away, if you don't agree and sign it don't happen.
Next your attorney can not do any more or less than you tell or allow them to do.
You can see if you can get a time ( put things on hold) to allow you to get a new attorney. But in child custody, there is no "slam dunk" and even the best cases lose before some judges no matter what for some reasons
I also had an atty that I had heard was so good. Very hard to reach and her prices began to escalate and she prolonged everything. I ended up doing most of the papers myself and then she asked when I became an atty. Well, you do what you have to do when you have so much to lose! I was too far involved to switch at this time and it is very costly to get another atty and then start all over. I also realized during mediation how little she knew. I had become consumed with learning as much as I could. The mediators made major mistakes but in my favor and I never said a word. They scolded me for not settling sooner and afterwards they saw a smile on my face. The experienced mediator then asked me "said there was more wasn't there ?" and I only smiled. Because they forgot to mention other assets but the way it was worded in divorce, they became mine. I did not do this maliciously, but the courts do not look at fairness in a divorce. My ex was a drug user and I had supported him for years. He ended up with what they thought was 1/2 of estate in settlement. No fault and community state.
Your just getting started in this whole messy thing and if your already frustrated, you will be more so later I think it would help to look at the bigger picture, and get thru this process of give and take. You will not get everything you want, your way for sure, since the other side is as determined as you are. You must understand that from the start. To bring in another attorney at this point for basically a few less days of visitation, may not be better in the long run, especially with property and assets still unsettled. Better to detach yourself for now, and wait for the final product, that requires your agreement. AND HERS.
I have since taken many deep breaths. I'm still a bit upset about these things, but have
decided to ride it out until after the initial hearing, which is in a few days.
If I am not satisfied with the final outcome what are the parameters of an appeal?
One other tidbit: The temporary court order stated that she has to give me the address
of the new residence where my kids are staying. She has yet to give that to me. I have
asked for it via email several times, and she just tells me to drop the kids off with her at the local market. Isn't this contempt of court? What are the consequences?
Well, this divorce is winding down. I didn't get the kids as much as I wanted, and I wasn't thrilled about the money distribution. But neither was she. So I guess this is the nature of divorces. No one wins, but the lawyers.
A milestone happened yesterday. When I brought my kids out to meet the ex for her visitation she was standing there with her boyfriend. (If you have been following this mess
you'll remember this is the affair she swore she wasn't having as she secretly moved my kids in his house, and told the kids to lie about it). I had been wondering what I was going to do if I ever saw this low life. Would I knock him out, would I thank him for taking her off my hands, would I lose my cool? Well...all I did was give my kids a big hug and kiss, told them I loved them, and then walked away without even acknowledging the ex and her dork. I was relieved because it really didn't bother me at all. It was such an obvious
attempt of my ex to do one or more of the following: She wants me to pine for her because her ego can't handle the fact that I got over it. Or she wanted me to lose my cool
so she could feel justified in abandoning the marriage and being unfaithful. One of my close female friends said that a woman will do this in an immature and selfish way of showing how happy she is with her newbie. My friend also said that this is her unconscious way of telling me that she misses me. (This sounds like a stretch to me, but who knows).
In any event, she is still playing games, and I am moving on. She is a bit angry because
I got the kids in school with me, so she has to pay ME child support. I definitely don't need her money, but it is great that she finally has learned that there are consequences to her actions. Maybe she just brought this guy around me to send out a feeble jab...
To your credit, you acted maturely and wisely. She can play all the games she wants, you don't have to. No one wins in a divorce, especially the kids, but we can ease the blow by acting like adults. Guess what? Your life has just started over, and you should enjoy it.
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