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To divorce or not to divorce
Asked Oct 3, 2007, 07:30 PM
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36 Answers Okay, my husband and I have had issues for quite some time. For a time we separted and he convinced me to give him a second chance....he said I won't regret it. Well, I am. He gets in these grumpy moods and gets quite mean. This morning I asked him to help me get the kids ready because I had to take the littlest to daycare. I asked him supernice many times. He wouldn't help. Finally I said, "Can you please help me?" He got all pissy with me and started saying I should have gotten up earlier and this was his only gosh darn chance to sleep in. Today he goes in late and works in the evening. I explained that he could go back to sleep once we left. He was yelling at the kids and yelling at me and told me to "stop being such a B**TH when I woke him up" and to "shut the F**K up". I told him this was unacceptable and he should not talk to me like that, especially in front of the kids. He then called me a F***ING B***H as I was leaving the house. We have had many instances like this and each time he says he is sorry and he won't do it again. When he called me he said he was sorry. I told him I had heard it before. I am to the point where it hurts too much to love this man. I even told him that. I told him that I do not deserve this and the kids do not deserve to hear this. Is this just a rocky road in our marriage....or is this a serious issue and I should consider divorce? We have already done the counceling and parenting classes. HELP!  |
36 Answers
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| I don't want to tell you one way or another but it sounds like he expects the relationship to float or something. You guys went to counseling and parenting classes AND he still is not keeping up his promises. All I can say is if you are not happy and if he is not being a good husband or a good father and has no designs on working on becoming so then you have to really figure out what's going to work best for you and your kids. | ||||
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| A month out of the classes, he was the man I always wanted him to be. Then he started slacking off. He would always try putting everything on my shoulders...if you did/didn't do this...then this would/wouldn't happen. When I want him to help me with something, he is always too tired. He says that his body is old and broken down....he is 35. I even tried to help him out by doing housework, outside work and tending to the kids. He says thank you and then goes back to watching his TV. He is not all bad, but the past keeps haunting me. I have been told to let the past be, but that is hard to do when you keep seeing pieces of it resurface. He is so impulsive that our oldest has picked up on it. He says and does such stupid stuff. My hub actually gave our 8 yr old the advice of "if that kid picks on you again...punch him". What?!?! Then my son told this kids father that. You can imagine that reaction. Most recently, he put a rock through a teachers car window with another friend of his (see my other post). I am pretty sure my son is ADHD...and his dad was diagnosed as a kid too. Neither of them can sit still to this day. Is this an ADHD thing or him just being a jerk? Is it my responsibility to hang in there for him to figure it out or bail because we are all miserable? HELP! | ||||
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| It sounds like your husband has the idea to do just enough to keep you happy. Like oh I'll go to the classes and do good for like a month and that will be enough or I'll take care of the kids one time and that will be enough. Your happiness shouldn't suffer for his. Its obvious that his behavior that is rubbing off on the kids is negative. AND as an adult if he is ADHD he can go on medication and have behavioral therapy to help him - I know this for a fact since my best friend was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. ADHD doesn't make you check out of your own life and not do anything especially as an adult when you have the means to do something about your problems on your own. So no its not an ADHD thing its that he is jerk and doesn't keep his promises to you. You decide what your limit is - are you at it now? Does anything feel worth saving to you? | ||||
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| Divorce is such a brutal process and even more brutal for the kids. Your husband is obviously not holding his end of the deal, and that is wrong in all ways, especially since you already went to classes. I wouldn't think this is a good environment for yourself and even more so for your kids. But, although I have never been divorced myself, it appears to be a rather brutal process. The two of you should be able to talk this out and come to terms, but if you don't think you can kick his a$$ back in to shape....then it may be your only option. I think it is worth a serious talk with him first though. | ||||
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I've never been married but the number one thing I've learned in relationships is that talk is easy its the actions that are hard. Its easy to say "I'll change" or "Things will different" or "I will do better" its hard to change, make things different or do better it takes work and time and some people just don't want to do it. | ||||
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Good luck. | ||||
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| Hello. Only you know what's in your heart. If you have given up then move on before it gets worse and it will. If you want it to work then try to reach an agreement that gives both of you duties and also some time alone to do what you need to do for yourself. Make the agreement solid so there is no "not understanding". If you need to, make a chart of duties for each of you and the kids. Stick to the agreement yourself so he has no reason not to hold his end up. Dennis777 | ||||
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