Hello,
i never thought it would come to this..... I feel pretty crappy....I have only been married for almost 5 months but we cant get along anymore. we are mean to one another we really say hurtful things, i know 5 months is not long but before we got married we have been together for 6 years. we had been engaged for 2 of those. but we got married when we found out we were pregnant about 3 months along. I know it was dumb getting married just because of the baby, but we really thought it would be the best thing for her. now I know it was the rong thing to do. im now 8 months pregnant and trying to figure out how to handle all of this. I want to have it settled by the time she gets here but i know thats not going to happen... I just need someone to tell me how to start this mess. imean do i have to file for custody on a newborn? I do not want child support and he said he will turn his rights to her over if i really want him to, I love him but we cant do this screaming and cussing at eachother saying terrible things to one another we cant put our poor baby in the middle. please some advice for a heart broke mommy to be
Personally, I would urge you to try marriage counseling before rushing into a divorce. After all, you survived together for 6 years and engaged for 2. Then you just started having problems after taking the plunge? Something tells me that this marriage is fixable so I'd start there.
Personally, I would urge you to try marriage counseling before rushing into a divorce. After all, you survived together for 6 years and engaged for 2. Then you just started having problems after taking the plunge? Something tells me that this marriage is fixable so I'd start there.
he thinks hes a big man and refuses to even give counsling a try he says they are all liberals and know nothing. god know ive tried to get him to go to even church marriage counsling, and no these problems have been here along time we just thought that with the baby comming that we could put them aside for her but apparently nither of us is big enough to do that
You have a communication problem.
Communication and learning how to fight fair are learned skills that could possibly save your marriage.
Love is the easy part but marriages take work.Good relationships and communication don't just happen,they have to be created.
It is also not a good idea to make life altering decisions when you are going through a life changing event!
Having a baby is a major stressful event ,yes,it is beautiful but it is also a time of high stress.Not a good time to make other huge decisions.
Marriage counseling could very well save your marriage.
If you are convinced this is what you should do I would rethink the not having him pay child support!
Children are expensive and you may find that you regret giving him a free pass regarding support.
He also needs to be involved in her life.
Signing over his rights is a huge step that he may very well come to regret.
She has two parents and you should both be involved in her life.
She would be cheated out of having a father and that is unfair,simply because the two of you were unable to work out your communication problem.
ok i'm sorry to hear your marriage is falling apart but hold strong. If you can move into your parents or friends place for a while if that's possible if not there are many places you can go for support and a roof over your head even though it might not be ideal like a young mothers institute or something. Try not to get into any arguments as you shouldn't be getting so stressed this far along in your pregnancy as it will effect the baby. Just try to calm the atmosphere even if that means going for a walk or drive or popping round the neighbours for a chat. Keep talking to people and you'll find the right answer. hope i've helped even a little take care XxX
I'm going to have to agree with the posts above. I mean if you were together for 6 years before getting married, I think that talking to someone will help save your marriage. I believe that you two do have a communication problem and you should some how get him to go talk to someone with you. Tell him to do it not for you, not even for himself if he doesn't want to but for the baby. After all, you two did get married for the baby.
I agree with all the others, it is not the time to figure out how to divorce your husband, have him sign over his rights, and start a new life for your soon-to-be baby, which will be born the product of a broken home. Let alone take on raising him/her as a single parent.
What happened to bring you to this point.
Other than feeling 'crappy', and arguing a lot, what is the problem.
If, like others have suggested, that it is a problem of communication, there are many things that you can do to improve that. Books, video's, counselling for starters. I don't see where your husband has a choice whether or not to work on his marriage, and whether or not to be a father.
He has an absolute obligation to work on his marriage, and, he is as responsible for the baby as you are. You are both obligated to at least try to find a better way to communicate. It isn't an option to negotiate the life of this child in the same way you would negotiate the sale of a car. It sounds very, very cold to me.
Surely the both of you can find a way to work out your problems for the sake of this child you are bringing into the world?
I want to thank you all for your advice, and i also want to elaborate a little further into the problems... when things are good between us they are amazing thats why i married him i love him very much and i know he loves me. But the fights come in waves now and they leave me drained.. I was my husbands first everything, first kiss first girlfriend first love first EVERYTHING. and he cant stand the fact that i had other "relationships" intamate ones at that. Now he is feeling really tied down he likes to say things like i wish we werent togheter so i could have sex with this girl from our old school or that girl over there. just things like that our sex life is disgusting to him he needs more. Then our other fights will be about the dumbest things dinner, or something we herd on the radio, or anything we can get a rise out of one another. then once we do we will NOT let it go till we are screaming and cussing and telling eachother how much we hate eachother and anything else hurtful we can tink of
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