I'm a teenage girl who wants to die. I think I'm relatively normal. I have A's. I always have. School has always been important to me. I actually plan to go to a prestigious dental school to become an oral surgeon. When I was in the 6th grade, (I remember this), people told me to be less annoying. I don't know why I was called that, I just knew nobody was on my side. I had no friends. Then I entered the depressive stage. I didn't like to talk, and teachers and students knew this wasn't the real me, so they told me to be my "real self." I tried that, and nobody liked my "real self" because I joke around, and when they joke around amongst themselves it's OK, but when I do it, I just "embarass" myself even more. In addition, I get called a whore, a slut, annoying, a *****, and so much more. Mind you I have never kissed a boy or had sex in my entire life, so I don't know why they call me that. All I know is that I have convinced myself that I am those things because everyone calls me that. I've grown used to being called these things. When I try to socialize and be nice, it always backfires: I say "Can I play volleyball with you guys?" and they inch away like I'm a freak. I'm shy around my peers because I cannot relate to them. I am open and make a great host when it comes to 40 year olds because I can reason with them. But when I'm at school, I'm a freak show. People look at me funny and they don't realize that I've been homeless two times and though I'm "blessed" with good grades, my life is miserable. I put on a happy face so I don't get sent to the office to be mentally examined. I pretend I'm O.K. And thus is our problem. I'm not O.K. And I'm trying to cry out for help yet no one hears me. People say I have a hard life as it is, but they don't realize what they do to me when they call me these things. I have nowhere to turn to because nobody believes me. I just want to die, but I am a devout Christian. It is contradicting that I feel this way while I believe in the kingdom of Christ and that there is a happy place when I die. I want to go to that place. It's called Heaven and I want to go so bad. Help me please. Nobody has ever helped me before because I'm not a human, I am a weird kid who won't go far.