not a question, but a perspective i had not thought about.

i attended the wake of a friend's mother yesterday. she had terminal cancer, fought the fight, and eventually lost. we found out about her passing on the way to my wife's aunt's funeral, another cancer victim.

at the wake, her daughter was upset, but obviously glad her mother was no longer suffering. the cancer had spread to the lungs, and her mother was in pain.

what was bothering the daughter was that her mother was lying to the hospice workers about the pain. the daughter could see through her mother, and was clearly disturbed that her last few days were so hard.

my wife then told her something which i had never considered. that the mother was perhaps not acting irrationally. that she chose to endure the pain those last few days in order to be clear and mentally present those last few days of her life.

i am in no way saying pain management should be pushed aside, especially when the body is ravaged in such a brutal way.

but when the daughter heard this you could see it took away a burden. she knew thats exactly what her mother was doing, but she didnt understand it at the time. her mother was in pain but chose to experience her last hours fully aware and present.

again, i know a person shouldnt suffer needlessly, and im all for the reasonable management of pain... but i guess im posting this because i also had not thought about that perspective, and i think its one worth keeping in mind. i too would have worried that the person i loved was suffering needlessly, when they actually might be of sound mind and deliberate choice.

in this case, it explained how a strong woman stood toe to toe with a disease that cut down her body but never her dignity or her will.

J_9

That is beautiful KP. I never took that into perspective either, but you can believe I will remember this from now on.

valinors_sorrow

That is exactly how I would hope to choose as well and am heartened to see that someone did. Dying well is as much a part of living well in my book but there's no telling what anyone gets until they get there, eh? Thank you for sharing that KP.

Thomas1970

This actually isn't entirely uncommon. In recent decades, as many displaced Tibetan lamas (advanced spiritual practitioners) are now dying in modern hospitals in the US, Europe, and many other places, there are many stories of those who refused pain management medications despite enduring great pain by way of such diseases. The primary reason for this, is that the moment of death is to them seen as the greatest opportunity for liberation, to recognize one's truest nature. Thus it is considered critical to remain observant and aware through the entire dissolution process of the senses. Though Tibetans also believe that certain medications block the central nadi or energetic channel in the body, perhaps not allowing the persons essence to be properly or most fortuitously released.
Depending on your spiritual beliefs, this may be an experience all of us only have once in our life. I agree, she likely wished nothing more than to be aware; not only of her loved ones, but of the journey that lies beyond.