Well I found out that my mother was sick with breast cancer right after thanksgiving in 2005 and she wouldn't tell me over the phone, cause I'm the baby and mommas little baby, so some of her family was in from out of town visiting one of my aunts who never calls me unless my moms at my house, but this day she called me at work, and ask me to come to her house when I got off from work, so I freaked out, and said what's wrong with my mom my aunt replied nothing, we just want to see you, and so I called my husband and told him what was going on, and he said that if something was wrong with mom the boys would have called, I told him not if mom said not to, and then I went over to my aunts, to hear her cold voice tell me that my mom is sick with breast cancer and what am I going to do about this?? And she lived in Ohio and I live in tx I begged her to come to tx day in and day out, and she would say I you know that this holiday I'm spending it with the boys, (she would spend every other holiday season in tx with me and then Ohio with my brohters) and she wouldn't give in... and when I would ask her about her health she would tell me all the time that she was going to be okay, that the doctor told her she just had to have the breast removed and that's it, well finally I got her to come feb 15, 06 and she stayed at my aunts so we all could keep an eye on her round the clock, and I finally got to see her one night, and that was the night, that I knew I didn't have much time with my mother, my husband tried to tell me that I was over reacting, and my dog princess who loved my mom to death, even knew something was wrong instead of jumping and horse playing with her she just laid beside my mom on the couch, and put her head on my moms legs, and whinned... it was so sad, it was shortly after that my mom finally had a check up at a local hospital here in tx and they rushed her to their main hospital, my aunt never called any of my moms kids, to tell us she waited for us to call her, and when we did she was so hateful toward us, like this was our faults, so she told me when I called that she would not tell me where my mom was because I had no right to go there and upset her but I just got on the phone, me and my friends and starting calling around till we found her, she was in the hospital for 3 days before she passed away and my aunt was so cold to me at the hospital, and her daughter was like I can't believe that you knew your mom was sick and didn't do anything to help her, but I didn't know, I was the last one to know, my nieces knew before I did, and now I can't get passed the hurt that if only I could have got my mom here early, maybe it would have safed her life, I live with this day in and day out, that just maybe she would still be here with me in the flesh... what do I do when I feel like I could have done more? I miss her so much that it affects me daily, and I have attended a life after loss class, however it was to short, it was only 6 weeks only on thurs for 1 hour, :confused:

Confused,

I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, I have my Mom, but I lost my Dad a month ago. I was in Tennessee, he was in Michigan. I only got to visit with him the last 2 weeks of his life.

Loss of a loved one is hard. There are steps in grieving that we all must go through. One of those steps is anger. I am willing to bet that your aunt may be in this stage.

When I was 13 I lost my best friend that I knew since I was 2. She died in my arms at the hospital. Then 4 weeks after that my grandma died of cancer through her body. When I was 16 I lost 3 of my best friends at the same time, same night.
When you care about some one you care about them. When you loose them it hirt, puts a burdden on you!
Live everyday as if it's your last one, cause one minute you're here and the next day your gone.
Sometimes the world that we live in is not so fair or forgiven, all day we see people dieng. We don't know how long were going to be here.
So what I'm trying to say is that it makes you stronger and a better person and you have to except that fact that she's gone and it hurts I know but you have too. She's in a better place!

It sounds like everyone is hurting just now. Give it a little time and then try to speak to the others and let them know that you didn't know how sick your mum was and that you are in as much pain as they are.

You will hurt for some time but don't make it worse by punishing yourself for things you think you should have done. Cancer is a killer. You had nothing to do with your mum dying and there was nothing you could do to help her - believe me.

Stop punishing yourself or you will make yourself ill too. Your mum wouldn't want that. Stay strong and god bless.