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We just found out 1/09/2008 that my mom (my best friend) has terminal leukemia...My brain is doing the best to wrap around this but, it can't get past my mom the rock of the family, the one that never shows fear, always knows what to do or how to fix it...I lost my father at age 9 years old (1975) to cancer; and my mom was so unbelievably strong, together & brave. She then meet a wonderful man when I was 13 yrs old & remarried & they have been married since & still as much in love if not more then when they first married. I am 44 and I guess somewhere in the far cob webbed area of my brain I knew that mom would be gone within the next 15 to 25 yrs, dam she is only 64 years old & yes I know death does not care how old or young you are. Please anyone out there just walk me through the next 3 to max 6months of her...
I was just checking in. Chery, it was so gracious of you to share so much of your thoughts and feelings. Jmiller33, you and your mother are still on my mind. This time in life is so difficult for both sides. My sis-n-law is struggling also with cancer and still has young grandchildren. We do all try to hold strong in front of each other but our hearts break when we return home or to our normal actiivities. Just wanting you to know I will be asking God to give each of you provision of strength, energy for each day, peace in your hearts.
My personal thanks for your best wishes for strength, energy and peace, dear.
Passing away is a reality - but most of us hope it happens fast and painless. But then those that stay behind regret that they did not have the time to say goodbye.
On the other side of the coin, knowing that you have a short time to say and do the things that need to be done, and some that you want to do, help those of us who are fated - but hurts those who have to live with the fact and watch it happen.
I wish there were a way in the middle, but in all actuality - once we are born - we are fated to pass away at some time - so it is reality - not one we like to think about, but reality nonetheless.
I for one, am glad and sad, angry and happy - all depending on how I feel and percieve the situation at the moment.
One thing I know for certain - life goes on - with or without our bodies - and the main reason is because of those we love and leave behind - so please help our passing with fond memories, lots of love while we are still here, and a better understanding of our human failures at times, just as we understand and love those of you who still have to endure and preserve our legacy. Above all else, help us keep our dignity - which is every human's right.
Sorry for being so maudling at this time, but that is also part and parcel of being a human being - and that's what we all are.
Share your feelings - good or bad - with someone you trust and never ever think you can go through this alone because I promise you that that will not help either concered. And by all means, don't spare on the hugs and endearments - even tears.. because they are all important.
Too bad that it is times like this that make us seriously think of how we want to be remembered and that a lot of us don't get that chance.
Don't know what else to say right now but... Can't wait for the pain to finally be gone forever!
I lost two very special people in my life in the last three years. Both were very sudden and unexpected deaths. I lost my 24 year old niece in a car accident in March of 2004 and my 45 year old brother just last April. He had a blood clot that came loose and stopped his heart instantly. Death is never easy and I try really hard to remember the goods times that I shared with both of them. I just want to tell you to cherish every moment of whatever time your mother has left. None of us knows when our time to go will come and we should live each day as though it is our last. I don't know if knowing that either one of them was going to die would have made it any easier to accept their deaths or not, probably not. Just make the most of whatever time you do have left with your mother, make some cherished memories, and always remember the good times. I think that is the best way to honor someone's memory.
heya, i dont know much about cancer, and i dont really understand what it is to go through something like that, but firstly, let me say how awed i am at the responses of these wonderful people to your question.
Please, do not let her illness dominate you and her life, please, it is easy to let illness or death become the defining part of the way you see a person, which should not be, remember, she has lived 64 years, and the time you have, and still have, with her is far more important, and should be focused on, instead of the time you will not. Please, make the most of it, and remember, you, and her, are both capable of rising above this, and making the most of this precious time. It is not your predicament in life that defines you as a person, but your attitude and how you react and endure what life throws at you. I lost my grandfather before i could get to know him, when he died while white water rafting, a year or two after we had moved to western australia to be with him and my grandmother, so sometimes i feel kinda bad that i didnt have much time with him. But i have realised, instead of lamenting the time lost, i should celebrate and treasure the time i had. Remember, as long as someone is alive, they can truly feel alive, as long as the people they love still support them, and aslong as they soldier on, and try to enjoy what time is left. Again, it is what you do with your time that matters, not how much time you have to waste. We often waste so much time, which is a tragedy, because some have so little of that precious resource to waste before the end.
Now is the time, for you to be at your strongest, you must, for your sake, and the sake of your mother, help her and be with her in this time, and help her to make her last time, the time of her life, with the loving care and support of family, she will go with fewer regrets, and so will you and your family. Sorry if i rambled a bit, i hope you understood what im trying to say, and i hope it helps in some small way, im not very good at this stuff unfortunatly.
Remember, no matter what life throws at you, no matter what tests and trials you have to endure, you can always overcome it, because you are a wonderful person, and you were born for many very special and unique reasons, and you can overcome anything, if you hold your head high, keep your shoulders and back straight, and never give up, because you only fail, if you give up.
I will keep you, your family and your mother in my prayers, and if you need to talk, pm me, or contact me on messenger, i am always willing to listen.
Good luck, and remember, love overcomes all boundaries, even death.
Well at least you got that long, and you get a chance to say goodbye. I'm 24 and my mom was also my rock, my best friend, my children's favorite person, and my everything. She took her own life 2 weeks ago, at the young age of 49 and I don't think I'll ever come to terms with it. I know I sound bitter, but seriously, you're in your forties. You had like twice as long as I did to be with your mom, learn from her, and love her. It could be worse.
Well at least you got that long, and you get a chance to say goodbye. I'm 24 and my mom was also my rock, my best friend, my children's favorite person, and my everything. She took her own life 2 weeks ago, at the young age of 49 and I don't think I'll ever come to terms with it. I know I sound bitter, but seriously, you're in your forties. You had like twice as long as I did to be with your mom, learn from her, and love her. It could be worse.
Oh my, that is just so sad. My heart goes out to you. I know it doesn't help much at this early stage, but in time you can to learn to live with it. But you will never get over it. You have a long, hard road of grief ahead of you, and there is no way to avoid walking it. Don't try to walk it without help. I know, "help" is hard to define, but if you're open to receive it, it will come to you in unexpected ways and times. I envision you surrounded by light, blessed and comforted.
Well at least you got that long, and you get a chance to say goodbye. I'm 24 and my mom was also my rock, my best friend, my children's favorite person, and my everything. She took her own life 2 weeks ago, at the young age of 49 and I don't think I'll ever come to terms with it. I know I sound bitter, but seriously, you're in your forties. You had like twice as long as I did to be with your mom, learn from her, and love her. It could be worse.
I am so sorry for your loss and feel that you should post your own thread and tell us the circumstances and how you feel about it all - so that we can concentrate on your issue.
All I know is that there are many reasons for sane adults to all of a sudden make a choice to leave this world - for whatever reason, I'm sure your Mom considered her alternatives and the turmoil it would cause those she left behind. Therefore, I'm also sure that if you were close, she communicated her frustrations and confusion to you at some point. You see this from your viewpoint, but talk to us and maybe I can help you see how she saw her life and why she decided it was not of the quality she wanted. You can also PM me if you don't feel you can make it that public yet.
If you don't want to go the therapy route, you can start a journal of your own to document the good memories of your mom and it will help you perhaps reduce your anger at her for leaving you. She must have had a reason and loved you all so much that she did not want to burden you. Let us help you with your anger..
I think u should spend as much time as possible w/ her.
Most importantly when the time come. ...Tell her how much u luv her. How much u will miss her but u have to try to go on living. That was so comforting to me. Letting Dad, Grandma, know how much they meant to me before they left was a key ingredient for me. Oh & I sung or hummed their favorite tunes in their ear. I also told them I understood they was tired or in pain. & I luv them enough to let them go so they wouldn't
be in pain any longer. I also explained I knew they wanted to see their family on the other side. TRANSLATION: SAY EVERYTHING U r feeling now!! u will regret it if u don't .
I really feel for you and your family. My sister and two kids lost her husband and their father in a horrible car accident in June. Its so unfair especially for the children like my nieces 12 and 7 who lost their dad and you who are going through this aweful time with your mom. My sister asked me why this happened to them and I didnt have an answer. A preacher told her that its an aweful thing that happened but God had other bigger plans for Chris her husband and that we would be selfish to keep him here with us. I dont know why things like this happen I dont know if its a bigger better plan or not but reguardless its not fair but we cant change it. we just need to enjoy the time that we have with our loved ones and let them know that we love them.
Dear Jmiller i am deeply sorrow about your moms illness. This is horrible. I am 47 years old and i just lost my mother, i still cannot stop crying. Like your mother she was very strong and healthy up until the age of 80 years old when she was diagnoised with Failing kidneys and needed to go on Dailysis 3 times a week. 2 years after her dialysis she lost her mobility to walk, was taken away from her home, and not brought home to us again. Eventually she developed Gangerne needed her leg amputated, then one week later she died in the ICU ward. I saw her the day she died, when she was still alive her hands were ice cold, and so were her arms, but her face was still warm, well i just lost it, i started to cry and could not stop, i knew mom was going, my worst fear. Now my life is a total wreck, it will never be the same. The hardest thing to face and accept is the Death of your mom as she is part of you, and when she dies she takes a big piece of us to the grave with her, and leaves the rest to mourn and pine away, and actually i fear my own death even more, as i see when we get older we usually die from a terminal illness.
anyway my prayers are with you, as this is going to be a long hard road to walk, as i walked with my mom for the past 4 years as i watched her die, and now my life is destroyed because of it. I am sorry again, but i can feel your pain, as i have jsut been though it.
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