At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
My Husband is Dying and i feel so alone. I have a handicap sister also which I take care of. My brother is trying to help. I want to say thanks. But i will cry to much becouse i will have to say it out loud. I have tried to tell my daughter. She thinks he will be here for a few years and I am worried about nothing. I have not told my son everything. becouse he has two altistic children, and thats alot. Me and my husband know his time is short. We talk a little when he is not to tired. I let him talk to me. I thought about going to go and get some antideppresent. To maybe help me though this. What do other people do. I see some stand strong. DO they cry when no one is around.
My Husband is Dying and i feel so alone. I have a handicap sister also which I take care of. My brother is trying to help. I want to say thanks. But i will cry to much becouse i will have to say it out loud. I have tried to tell my daughter. She thinks he will be here for a few years and I am worried about nothing. I have not told my son everything. becouse he has two altistic children, and thats alot. Me and my husband know his time is short. We talk a little when he is not to tired. I let him talk to me. I thought about going to go and get some antideppresent. To maybe help me though this. What do other people do. I see some stand strong. DO they cry when no one is around.
hi Denice its ok you do need to be strong in front of him but it is ok to cry. It will not be easy but you will get through it. Talk to your family and friends even maybe a councellor will help. I'm also a new user on here don't know to much on how to operate this but I will be here to listen if you need someone to talk to
well i was on antidepressants when my gradnfather died and my mother had to take me off of them because i was "acting all wierd" i understand some of what you are going through i recently lost my father, and i feel now that i am older antidepressants might work a little etter, but they do have their ups and downs, like any other perscriptive drug. if you start to feel funny check the side affects. with most you can feel suicidal tendances, thats when you need to talk to your doctor immediatly. any way have a good day and i hope i helped you in some way.
well i was on antidepressants when my gradnfather died and my mother had to take me off of them because i was "acting all wierd" i understand some of what you are going through i recently lost my father, and i feel now that i am older antidepressants might work a little etter, but they do have their ups and downs, like any other perscriptive drug. if you start to feel funny check the side affects. with most you can feel suicidal tendances, thats when you need to talk to your doctor immediatly. any way have a good day and i hope i helped you in some way.
Grief and depression are two different things. Sometimes grief turns into depression but many times you just have to work your way through grief. It's part of life and losing someone you love.
Denice,
I really think you would benefit more from a support group than from medications. The medications just numb you, they do not help you deal with the situation at hand and sometimes you become numb to the world in general.
There are probably hundreds of support groups on line. There are many you can go to in person in the community. Hospice will know of local support groups. If you would rather go on line than type in support groups for caretaker spouses and you can find them. Yahoo has many, the one I used to belong to was in Yahoo groups. They helped me a great deal through a tramatic time. I found some very kind caring people that were dealing with the same thing I was dealing with and since it was limited to members with ill spouses everything stayed within the group.
I found a local bereavement group after my husband passed at a local hospice. I met my now husband there and for a while we supported each other, cried on each other's shoulders and just were there for each other, for a long time. It helps when two people are going through the same thing and you can sit down and actually talk to someone that is facing the same thing every day that you are. It really means a lot. Whether male or female you will form a bond with that person that will last a lifetime.
[quote=Wildsporty] ... I found a local bereavement group after my husband passed at a local hospice. I met my now husband there and for a while we supported each other, cried on each other's shoulders and just were there for each other, for a long time. It helps when two people are going through the same thing and you can sit down and actually talk to someone that is facing the same thing every day that you are. It really means a lot. Whether male or female you will form a bond with that person that will last a lifetime.
Not saying at all that this was the case with you AT ALL but I went to one bereavement group meeting, sponsored by the hospital, and it was like a singles bar on a Friday night. I was absolutely horrified.
I certainly have male acquaintances - I work in a male-dominated profession - but this was like my first college mixer.
I am aware that all support groups are not the same but I think you have to be really careful and/or make sure you are ready for the socialization aspect.
My bereavement group was in the basement of the church, hosted by the hospice group. There were about 20 people all over 50. Not quite the college scene.
We took turns talking about our feelings and crying on each other's shoulders. Lots of hugs and lots of enchouragement. I don't know where your group was, but no it was not that kind of group.
The hospice people broke down the grieving process into stages and we tried to understand the different stages and where each of us were in our processes.
Families were there sometimes to try and understand how to help their grieving parents and spoke to us to help them understand what we were going through. It was a family type setting with a table and chairs. We all sat around a table and talked...and talked and sometimes we just listened when other's talked and didn't talk.
Most of all we tried to offer our support and encouragement to the others in the group. There were some parents there that had lost children and some children that had lost parents and spouse's that had lost spouse's.
This was not the support group, it was the bereavement group. I had to try a couple of different support groups before I found the right one. This was the bereavement group arranged by hospice.
We talked about everyday life and little things that were reminders and how to deal with those reminders. (I still deal with them at times). How to function when you are not functioning. A place you could cry or shout and no one would look at you funny.
No it was not a social group. It was a group of understanding, hurting people. It was a support group for this person I was back than that didn't know who I was . I was so scared and alone. Married at 19, my husband thought I couldn't do anything so he did everything for me.. I didn't even know how to put gas in my car...I was 52 years old! I didn't learn to drive until I was 34 when my husband got sick and I am still not a great driver! This group was so understanding and so helpful and so full of encouragement.
I went back to college with their encouragement and their nudging. I finished my degree and I am now making over twice as much as I was then and have a great career.
Yes, my husband was in the group, but only as a support person like everyone else. He did offer to drive me to the college in the large city which is the state capitol. He showed me how to fill my car with gas and he taught me how to drive on ice. We became friends over months and months of just being there when we were needed.
Yes, there are bad groups, but believe me there are good groups and they are not all social groups. That is why you need to find one through hospice.
When you find a good group of people going through the same thing you are, you will have friends for life. I am still friends with several of the ladies and gentlemen from the group. They are all going on with life, some are remarried, some are not and some are still grieving. We still get together once in a while and offer encouragement to each other.
well he is stable right now. he is happy stoned and plays on the computor alot. i have learned to fix it alot. he is very unaware of what is going on. no time concept but he has quite falling for right now. we have moved in with my brother and his wife. we were all going to take a trip to fl. but jerry can no longer ride. he gets so seasick. so the kids are going to try to come up. my son has two altistic children. pretty bad. so we shall see. but at least i can go to the store now and walk around outside. thank you all for being there it really does help. i read everything. and my sister is safe too which helps me. please all keep in touch if you can. it is all so nice thank you denice
well he is stable right now. he is happy stoned and plays on the computor alot. i have learned to fix it alot. he is very unaware of what is going on. no time concept but he has quite falling for right now. we have moved in with my brother and his wife. we were all going to take a trip to fl. but jerry can no longer ride. he gets so seasick. so the kids are going to try to come up. my son has two altistic children. pretty bad. so we shall see. but at least i can go to the store now and walk around outside. thank you all for being there it really does help. i read everything. and my sister is safe too which helps me. please all keep in touch if you can. it is all so nice thank you denice
Denice, thanks for the update. Sounds like things have settled a bit, at least you are coping with all that is going on it sounds like (although I know it is difficult) and family is involved, that is good. Has the doctor tried the patches for seasickness (Motion Sickness)? He probably has. I just thought of it because a man I know was not able to talk, unaware he was drooling. He has Parkinsons and Dementia. The doctor said, let's try this patch.........walla............started talking, stopped drooling. Just an amazing difference and not something one would think would make a difference. I hope your husband's doctor is very proactive in searching for ways to help you and him to make the very best of this time. Keep us posted. It is always good to get an update. Thanks much!
Linear Mode
