It's all so unbelivable. I'm 35 years old and I have never in my life time known love, until I meet her. She ment so very much to me in so many diffrent ways. We were only together for about 8 months before she went but I knew the moment we meet that I wanted to spend all my life with her.

We meet and I was going threw a divorce. I quit my job and was denied unemployment Benifests so I had no income. Went threw a couple of other jobs and just reciently got one I think I will do well with. But I struggled hard about my finances. She never carred though. Which was so diffrent because she was only 24 and so beautiful. She had a son that was 3 and she was just so grown up. Never wanted to go out to the bar or any of that stuff. We would just hang out in eachothers company and talk, kiss and touch eachother. She was truly amazing. I could go on for days about all the good things but I won't right now.

In the days leading up to her death I felt like I was on cloud 9. Then some bad news came and everything started to change. I mean it was personal stuff. Nothing that had to do with my girlfriend but I think she blammed herself for it. The evening before she died I went to her and told her I didn't want to continue living the way I was and that I need to make some changes. I told her that I needed to get myself some help and that I was disgusted with the way my life was turning out. I was loosing everything. My house, land it felt like everything. I just needed to be alone for a while and try to figure things out. I knew I was gonna need some help because I had never been threw anything like this before. I touched her foot and kissed her toes then hugged her and finially said I have to go. By the time I had gotten home she had called me sever times. I called her back and could hear the sadness in her voice. I didn't have enough gas to make it back to her house and I was tired and it eas late. So I asked if she wnated to just stay on the phone together. I told her we could sleep together over the phone. The next morning her phone was dead and I don't pay much attention to it as we had been on it all night. After not being able to get a hold of her the whole day I called her mom the very next morning. She told me Ashlee was no longer with us. I lost it. And I think her parents blam me. I call them every day but they don't take my calls. I have only spoken to her mom twice and they were very brief conversations. During the funeral there was no mention of me and no pictures of us or me. He rmom only gave me a half hug and her dad turned his shoulder to me after shaking my hand. It's sad and it hurts as I want to be around them but what I truly want more than anything is to be able to talk to her again. I want to be with her. I have been considering taking my own life so she and I can be together again. But before that I was hopping to talk to her. But I have been unable to do so. Can anyone help me? Am I being stupid? Can she see and hear me? Why doesn't she come to me? How can I be with her, I mean really be with her? Please help please

thank you

mjl

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I understand why you are hurt by her family. They are obviously so hurt by the loss just as you are. They probably don't blame you, they just havn't come to terms with their feelings. They will come around, and see that it wasn't your fault. It isn't your fault. She made the decision, not you, so don't blame yourself.

Taking your own life is not the answer. Life does go on. Taking your own life is just a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Time does heal wounds. You won't feel like this forever. You should get some couselling to discuss your thoughts and feelings. You are obviously going through so much right now, and talking about it to someone can help. Taking your own life will not help.

edzmedz

I really feel sad about all this and i totally empathize with you and the hard times u are going thru. But like mjl said taking ur life away will not resolve the problem. Others do not even have the blessed chance you have, so you better respect the opportunity given to you and not discard it this easily no matter how sad you are.

you can connect with her through the good memories you will always have with you at all times. You will never be able "to be with her" the way you think so do not torture yourself with this thought. you can also visit her in her resting place if u have access to it, if could be a good place to talk to her place flowers or whatever u want

and don't bother with psychic things and spiritualism coz even though sometimes it seems as if they do make contact with certain "entities" from the research i have read i learned that they are not your loved ones but actually just entities that take on the identities of people familiar to you so they gain your trust and make a connection with humans (if you believe in all this that is)

Try to find closure. Maybe it will become easier to go on with your life once her parents understand your side of the story and the feelings you are going through. Anyway no one is asking you to completely forget her but think about other people that matter to you in your life or people for whom you matter (even the ones you are still not aware of)
NEVER TAKE DECISIONS WHEN YOU ARE FEELING DEPRESSED , SAD, FRUSTRATED ETC... you will most likely take the wrong ones. always wait for when u are feeling more stable and try to live through your sorrow you don't have to fight it all the time, but just know that there is always light at the end of the tunnel! Life has a lot to offer, have a bit of faith.
I wish you well. take care.

PS: like it was suggested it would be easier if you found someone to talk to maybe a close friend or relative or even a specialist if you feel you can't or don't want to go on. Don't lose hope.

dredrizzel

Thank you for the kind words. I have started to able to get threw my days without breaking down and crying. I know if only her parents didn't blame me and would just spend time with me talking about the life we shared things would be much easier. Plus I had hoped that I would be able to hang out with her son and let the kids play together. I know it wasn't my fault. Everyone says it. But I my days. Some days I feel terrible that I didn't see it coming. That I wasn't able to recognize all the signs and the seriousness behind them. I have started to pray for her and her family that everyone may find peace. I also started writing them a letter. It's a letter of the life Ashlee and I shared. I'm sure I'm leaving some things out that may upset them but just about everything is in it. I was hoping that after they get the letter maybe they could find a way to let me in. It was especially hard for me at the funeral. The days leading up to it were hard. Not just because Ashlee was no longer but because I had very little support. They all gathered together and supported one another, looking over old family pictures. While leaving me in the dark the whole time. It wasn't until I was almost demanding that she told me about the viewing and funeral. Saying, I know you need this for you own mental health. I mean how impersonal was that? Then telling me that if I went after like 5 or 5:30 no body would be there that would cause a problem. I felt like I was gonna have to sneak in just to view my lover. I almost didn't even go to the funeral, but I knew I would always regret it if I didn't. When I got there I walked up to her father to shake his hand. He acknowledged me by name, shook my had and turned his shoulder to me. I hugged her mom but I sensed and felt not welcome or wanted. There wasn't one picture shown of the two of us. There was a picture of her and her ex. Even though this guy cheated on her and she hadn't had anything to with him for the past year. It hurt my feelings. I felt like for the first time maybe I didn't even know her. The pictures they put on her memorial site reflected nothing of the life she and I had together. She was cremated and her parents are keeping the ashes so I don't have a place like that to visit and share thoughts. I think the grieving process is harder when it's a suicide than an expected death or accident. I mean...I don't know death is just hard, it's so hard to live and remember. I miss her and pray that she at peace and happy in her new life. I wish I could talk with her and know that knows that I choose her. I choose her today, tomorrow and forever.

This is a poem she had printed over a picture of us kissing.

" My heart is filled with love by the very mention of your name,
The very sight of you does things to me I can't explain.
The thought of you still thrills me like the very day we met.
The tender times we shared I will never forget.
The feeling of your body being so close to mine is like nothing I have ever known at any other time.
I see something magical in everything you do, the dearest thoughts I have are memories of you.
I love you Andre for today, tomorrow and always."

By Ashlee Robinson

edzmedz

Her parents are just looking for someone to blame for their loss and i guess YOU are it! and they want to make sure they hurt you as much as they can. I hope the letter works to clear out things, but if it doesn't, don't bother yourself with them and try to move on. Why should you care what they think or say about you, you know what happened and you know how you felt and how you feel today, so if they don't cool down after a while don't torture yourself with that. they will just rejoice from seeing you in your low state. if you are searching for their acceptance this hard it's as if you have something to reproach to yourself, so if you don't , try to look over this and just try to find closure. You are a strong man despite everything, and i am sure you can overcome this! just be patient, such things usually take a bit of time.

Carebear99

I'm so sorry about your loss. Don't blame yourself... its not your fault. It was her decision and you have to learn to accept that. With time, everything will get better. They say When it rains it pours.. but you got to make it through the rain and sooner or later everything will be alright. There will be an explanation for everything. So don't be so hard on yourself. Take care of yourself.. Take some time out to figure things out. Spend some time alone and clear your head. Go on a vacation alone. It will help...Be strong...!!!

SkyGem

Dear friend, First of all, know that I am with you in your loss. A person's passing is never an easy thing, however, it is an actual part of life believe it or not. I know there is pain and hurt and you may feel overly anxious because of the separation. But know that it is only a temporary separation and you will be able to see her again but at your *Appointed* time when your mission here on Earth is fully finished and God is ready to receive you back into spirit. I realize you want to be with her but considering taking your life is no answer because there are dire consequences with such action. People often feel that suicide is the miraculous panacea to their worldly ills. It is not. It starts a chain of spiritual events that ends up in the spirit world, often in the lower parts of the astral realm and the action you took on the Earth plane can continue to haunt you there for eons. You must also know that facing such a situation in the Afterlife is infinite. You do not want that for yourself as she would not want that for you. Now that she is at peace she can see things with a whole new and different perspective and knows that you must go on with your life. You have much left to accomplish in your Earthly mission.

You ask if she can see and hear you. Yes, that is an aptitude of those who have passed on because God has told us that life is Eternal. Spirit vibrates at a much higher rate than we who are incarnate. Therefore, while she can lower her vibrations to meet Earth's (and thus yours), it is much more difficult for you to see or hear her although she may be nearby.

You ask why doesn't she come to you. Just because a person has passed on to spirit does not mean that they are available to those left behind on Earth every single moment. Learning indeed continues in Heaven, although time and space, as we know it, does not exist. Also, each person making their transition will learn how to communicate with those left behind but at their own rate of learning according to individual capability. Therefore, it may take her some time before she is able to communicate. Much happens after the transition into spirit and many learned Ph.D.s and M.D.s as well as others have interviewed those who have had a NDE (near-death experience) and virtually everyone, from across the globe, tells the same story of what they see and experience during the moments they had left their body and were declared "dead". Of course, we know now that there is no death. It is only a passing from one dimension unto the other in a higher vibration. The Holy Bible also assures us of that in 2 CORINTHIANS 5:1 (KJV).

There is a website you might consider interesting in spirit communication. There are Scriptures that tell us that these are gifts that should, of course, be used for only benevolent purposes with God's permission.

How to Make Contact with Your Loved One

May God help you and be with you during this time and may His Only Begotten Son Jesus Christ give you the strength to go on. He can if you but reach out to Him! For your sake and hers, this is something to consider.

twinkiedooter

I am sorry for your loss. Her poem touched my heart and I know she truly loved you. Her solution of you leaving her was too much for her to bear.

Yes, you can see her again but it might be a few months until this happens. You will be asleep and she will come to you in your dreams. Yes, it really is her. It won't be a long dream either and she may not be able to speak to you but you will see her. She may have her arms outstreached as if to hug you. I've had dreams about my mom and husband this way but I didn't get the dreams right away. Sometimes it takes a while as each soul must "rest" awhile and regroup themselves.

You can talk to her literally if you like out loud also. She may come to you when you are awake by the way of familiar smells like her perfume or hair shampoo or a cigarette smell. She could even caress your cheek or you feel a slight breeze when there should be none. If you have little things moved around on say your dresser, she did it. She has not left you by any means if she loved you as much as I feel she did. I find it most sad that she could not wait for you to sort out your life though.

Please be assured that she is with you and you will see her again on the other side one day or sooner should her determination to be with you allows her to come through to you. Don't go to a psychic either as that's not a good idea. As I feel she will come back to you on her own as soon as she can figure out how. You'll see.

Fr_Chuck

It is hard, I have lost two wives, one was shot to death and another died of liver failure. I did two things, when I would visit thier grave I would often sit and just talk. But with moving often I don't get to do that, but now after many years ( I forgot how many untill I started adding it up now) I don't visit the grave site often any longer, but I do sit alone and look up into the stars *** may be wrong direction for one of them** but still talk to them. I don't know if they hear me or not, but the talking helps alot.

It will get better over time, and if you are having alot of trouble, see a doctor to get help getting though it. If you need to talk I am here.

SkyGem

Yes! Those are excellent ways by which spirit communicates with those on the Earth plane. Don't forget the following excellent website for discussions concerning communication with our beloved departed.

After-Death Communication - Prayer Wave: After-Death Communication - Prayer Wave