It's all so unbelivable. I'm 35 years old and I have never in my life time known love, until I meet her. She ment so very much to me in so many diffrent ways. We were only together for about 8 months before she went but I knew the moment we meet that I wanted to spend all my life with her.

We meet and I was going threw a divorce. I quit my job and was denied unemployment Benifests so I had no income. Went threw a couple of other jobs and just reciently got one I think I will do well with. But I struggled hard about my finances. She never carred though. Which was so diffrent because she was only 24 and so beautiful. She had a son that was 3 and she was just so grown up. Never wanted to go out to the bar or any of that stuff. We would just hang out in eachothers company and talk, kiss and touch eachother. She was truly amazing. I could go on for days about all the good things but I won't right now.

In the days leading up to her death I felt like I was on cloud 9. Then some bad news came and everything started to change. I mean it was personal stuff. Nothing that had to do with my girlfriend but I think she blammed herself for it. The evening before she died I went to her and told her I didn't want to continue living the way I was and that I need to make some changes. I told her that I needed to get myself some help and that I was disgusted with the way my life was turning out. I was loosing everything. My house, land it felt like everything. I just needed to be alone for a while and try to figure things out. I knew I was gonna need some help because I had never been threw anything like this before. I touched her foot and kissed her toes then hugged her and finially said I have to go. By the time I had gotten home she had called me sever times. I called her back and could hear the sadness in her voice. I didn't have enough gas to make it back to her house and I was tired and it eas late. So I asked if she wnated to just stay on the phone together. I told her we could sleep together over the phone. The next morning her phone was dead and I don't pay much attention to it as we had been on it all night. After not being able to get a hold of her the whole day I called her mom the very next morning. She told me Ashlee was no longer with us. I lost it. And I think her parents blam me. I call them every day but they don't take my calls. I have only spoken to her mom twice and they were very brief conversations. During the funeral there was no mention of me and no pictures of us or me. He rmom only gave me a half hug and her dad turned his shoulder to me after shaking my hand. It's sad and it hurts as I want to be around them but what I truly want more than anything is to be able to talk to her again. I want to be with her. I have been considering taking my own life so she and I can be together again. But before that I was hopping to talk to her. But I have been unable to do so. Can anyone help me? Am I being stupid? Can she see and hear me? Why doesn't she come to me? How can I be with her, I mean really be with her? Please help please

thank you

Natt

im soo sorry .. i went throught the same well not really the same as my brother died and left us. i talk to him all the time you just talk ..anything or write a little converstation as in how was your day and ask her how is everything ...im only 14 but i do that when i want to talk to my brother ..my brother was only 16 when he leftt ..he took his life i hope that works and yes they can hear and see you c=

bradysmama17

death is a really hard thing to cope with. dont blame yourself. you never know she could have had her own deeamons and was really tired of it all. i know since my father died in may i havent thought about sucide because i know that when i die i am going to heaven to be with him in heaven. i know you are hurting right now but just remember all the good times you spent togeather, all the intimate details only the 2 of you knew about, all the good memories. believe me they get you through. and you can talk to her. she can hear you. and may respond in the wierd ist ways.