Hi everyone, my story is so sad. If you can't take this, better not read this!
I really have a reason that I wanna die. Since when I was a lil boy, there were some rumors that I was gay. Don't kno how that came up, it may be my behavior or something... I've lived all my life being teased at school by all people. This last year I thought that everything changed, coz no one seemed to know these rumors at my new school (although there was a kid that really hated me, and I don't know why). But now that it's summer my friend started to behave a little weird. He was avoiding me, making me feel bad an lonely. He's the only good friend I have. So I went to his house to explain me everything. He started telling me that everyone thought I was gay and he didn't want to get the same "label" too. That hurted me soooo much that I went for a walk crying, and I couldn't stand the pain. I ended up here posting this question. My parents don't seem to know about it and I don't wanna lose my friend. Life is so unfair.... I was thinking that everything was at last ok, but now it seems that the whole world knew about it and the only one that didn't know it was me.
I guess I'll never be able to live a normal life... and don't say that I will, coz really, if they find something "gay" on me now, they will for ever...

J_9

Firstly, how old are you? We need to know this so that we can help you better.

quiero_matarme

Well, I'm 16 and from Greece. Ur so quick, I've seen other posts of yours. Thnx for your interest

J_9

Well, hun, dying is NOT the answer. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

quiero_matarme

I don't think my prob is temp. This gay think will keep following me all of my life, destroying it... dunno, what will I do when I go to the army for example? I won't be strong enough to take all this humiliation again... anyway, no one cares about a sad greek boy i guess

shygrneyzs

I would hope you talk to your parents about your feelings and why you feel like dying is your only answer. If they do not know, they cannot help you and they cannot read your mind. Dying is not the answer to deal with life. I know rumours can be vicious and the harm they produce lasts a long time. That is why you really need to talk to someone about what is going on. Hopefully your parents will get you to see a doctor and a counselor. You should not have to deal with these feelings all by yourself.

Do these boys tell you why they think you are gay? You said something about your "behaviors" - can you identify those behaviors? Are they anything different from anyone else? Have you ever spoken to your teacher or school counselor or school nurse? There are people out there who can honestly help you. Being bullied and teased should not be allowed and you have a rightful expectation of being protected from that kind of harassment. But you have to speak up and let people know how much you are hurting.

Good luck to you.

J_9

Wait, who are these people to dictate who you are? You gotta pick yourself up, dust yourself off and show them the REAL you. Who cares what anyone else thinks. They are the ones with the problems if they have to pick on others to make themselves feel better. They are the losers NOT you.

You see, people who feel bad about themselves try to hurt others so that they can feel better. It may have nothing to do with you.

If you are gay, so what, who cares? If you aren't just ignore them, they will grow up someday and be very ashamed of what they did.

And yeah, I care about a greek boy.

quiero_matarme

Thanx for your answers, I didn't expect you to be that quick. Ummm, I don't think in Greece there are school counselors and school nurses... u see life sucks in this country. But anyway that's not the problem I couldn't tell my parents anyway. And I've thought all these things that you mention. Who are they to judge me? They can't control my life. But you know, I'm so afraid that even when I grow up this will not stop.
My parents also think of getting a new house somewhere else. I don't know if that is a good idea of starting over. Should I go somewhere else, escape from all these, and pretend someone who I"m not? Change my style, my talking, dunno what really is the fault. Should I change me? Should I change John?

J_9

John, don't change yourself for anyone but JOHN!!!

Talk to a teacher, someone who you respect.

Do you have any idea why these kids are calling you this?

quiero_matarme

No, I got no idea. It may be my style, that's what one said when I asked him. But I don't wanna change my style, and if I don't I'll be called gay for ever. Sometimes I think life's so unfair. I don't know if life AFTER death will be better. Anyway, these rumors helped me lose my best friend. I think that thing will take everyone and everything I love away from me. I think the only thing that I have now is music. And right now, when I think about the new school year, I'm kinda scared. How am I gonna make it again with all these teasing and laughing? No way, I can't do this. If death is not a solution, then there's not a solution