My 16 year old son seems to have given up

Your son..was he extremely close to his father..if so, remind him that life goes on...re-enforce the values your husband has taught him; help him commit to honoring his father's legacy...pray for the opportunity whereby your son will openly discuss what he feels at this moment; be sure that he is not using his father's death as an excuse to execute his own lazyman agenda...I am not saying your son is lazy, but people will use whatever set of circumstance to further their own selfish cause...You son could very well be missing his father at this time; therefore, help re-create a time they shared and be patient and a willing listener for your son...if all else fails....exercise your parental position which may cause your son to reject your at the moment but will thank you later in life...but most of all.....follow that inner witness...heed the voice of wisdom that resignates within...only you know your child...you know what works to encourage him to give it his all

Honestly, when someone is in the stage of depression there is nothing you can do. Because of the Family Medical Act, most employers and schools must allow up to 12 weeks excused time off.

This is because of the horrendous effect tragidies e.g. Death has on their family members. Therefore, you should allow for him to accept the perspective on life.

Especially being so young. Many young indivisuals know nothing about death. When it happens, they get the feeling that life isn't what they thought it was.

This is true. You make your plans, I.e. To take your best friend out the night you graduate. So you work hard all of these years for it to happen; but your best friend dies.

Now, you have no reason to do anything anymore. No motivation.

Everything is useless. Therefore, he has to develope new goals and a new reason to accomplish them.

This is known as a "nervous breakdown", mental breakdown, or career burnout. And you know how it is when you have worked so hard for years on a job and it suddenly begin to take a toll on you.

It is not good to continue to try. This leads to poor performance (kinda like going to work with a bad cold or flu).

Hope this answers your question!

You should have your son evaluated by a doctor as soon as possible. Grief is very difficult for young people to understand, identify, and move past. He may need to speak with a professional because all teenagers at some point in time think their parent's have no idea what they are feeling. He may just need an unbiased person to "hear" him, and that is sometimes very hard for a parent to do. You may be a little too close to the situation to "hear" him.

I would advice getting him counseling, and it would not hurt by starting as a group with you and your son together.

We all deal with death differently

I lost my father when I was 14, and I went through the same thing (I am 18 now, and today is actually his birthday so its odd that I came into a discussion forum like this)

I refused to see friends and I didn't want to stay at home because of my stepdad and stepsisters, and to be honest, the thing that kept me going was the fact that I had such a close relationshp with my mom. SHe told me if it weren't for me, she wouldn't have any thing to live for, and that is what kept me from hurting MYSELF (i.e anything physical or suicide in general)

I also got involved in theater. Odd, I know, but it got me out of the house and since I was so depressed, it kind of allowed me to play a character other then myself.

My advice is let your son know how much you love him and how much it would hurt if you lost him. He may not want to talk about the situation (i always blew my mom off if she EVER brought up my dad's death because it made me cry, and I hate crying in front of people, even her) But I think just telling him might just help =]

His father past, 7 months ago...no long ago at all, of course he will be in depression don't be surprised if this lasts over a year, teenagers and depression is very common, this one doesn't seem that bad. Give him time he will eventually retreive from his loss.

I know your son is in a lot of emotional pain right now. Probably confused about life itself. I would recommend a good male therapist or someone who your son could relate to. Or, perhaps the Big Brother program someone who he can talk to and do things with. Remember, their are 7 stages of depression and it take some people longer to deal with it than others.

What a difficult situation for both of you. It is so important that you seek professional help for your son. It sounds like he might be seriously depressed. I had a similar situation happen with my son after he lost two grandparents within a short time frame. He quit school and stayed in his room for months without going outside or anything. I had to have mental health workers come to the house (which he refused to talk to ) and I went to the adolescent psychiatrist myself to get medication and help for him since he refused to go. I really felt that my job at the time was to keep him alive. If I had it to do over again I would have pushed harder to keep him in school. Once they have started to miss it is so hard to get them to go back. It is more comfortable at home, less pressure, but at school his friends and others can help him to get on with his life.

What a wonderful caring mother you are and how frightening this must be for you to deal with?
Whilst depression sounds like a 100% certainty, remember he is also a teenager and some of what he is doing is normal teenage behaviour. Other aspects are troubling and the poor lad needs some help and so do you to put your lives back on course. Counseling for him or both or you sounds a definite and also if he is in a deep depression you may want to consider either herbal medication (St Johns Wart - As long as he is not on any other medication and check for allergies) or something from the doctor?

I know you will struggle with this because he's unwilling to let anyone in and so here's a thought. Have you got a male member of the family who your son is close too? Maybe your son might open up and that's a start. If not a male member ANY member of the family? He won't want to trouble you because you are grieving too. Has your son got a close friend? Have you spoken to him because maybe your son has spoken to him about his feelings; OR another possibility is that the friend has spoken to his own mother and you could talk to her and get an insight into what is going on? It's worth a try.

You need a starting point and your son needs to know that everything is going to be OK. He's stuck in the darkness right now and until someone gives him a ladder, he's not going to get out of the hole. It sounds like he loves you and is scared of losing you too and won't talk to you because he'll have to talk about it and face his fear? Counseling will help as long as he is willing to go for it - As soon as possible.

I also wonder if your son is suffering from that peak period or how it felt for myself at 6-7 months when I started to miss my parents more and my own personal pain was enormous. Until you get some information out of him you would not be able to know if this is true or not?

I'm so sorry you're having to cope with this problem. You've got enough on your plate and I feel for greatly for you. I hope something I have said has helped but if not please be assured that my thoughts are with you.