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    tam_paint's Avatar
    tam_paint Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 17, 2009, 05:14 PM
    will a man leave his wife after an emotional affair
    Hey - I would love to have some opionions on an emotional affair that has been going.

    I met this man online and we continued to talk. We both told each other our relationship status. I am going through a divorce and he is married. We talk from early in the morning until late in the night. He told me right off , he was in a happy marriage and sometimes he actions may not appear that way, It was little things he might say.
    We have talked on the phone a few time as well. He started telling me he loved him and I never said anything back to him, then he told me he tried to resist his feelings, but he was fallen in love with me. He then told me a little about his past. About 6 yrs ago , his wife had a week long affair and she became pregnant with the other mans baby. He was willing to stay with her and raise the baby, she ended up miscarrying the baby. I was kind of shocked when he told me, but he knew from day one my husband was a cheater. About a month later, we were talking and I was expressing how I forgive , but you can never foget. He then said,maybe I am like you. Meaning how I felt about it. I didn't say anything to him. I don't feel that is my place to talk about his wife. So- it's about a month later, he is telling me how happy I make him, I asked him why I make him happy,he says, he never felt this before, I told him, it was not my place to make him happy. He later told me he has never felt loved this way, I love him, and he knew that would hurt his wife if she ever heard him say that. I totally agree. SO- last week he tells me to be patient and understanding with him, I was lost, and didn't understand. He then proceeds to say how if it was just him, he would be gone, but there are so many variable involved. I told him only he knows what he needs or wants , and I left it at that, and this has been coming up more often, He also told about something that happened in the car with her. OUT of the blue, she said " I think I might die soon"... he said I didn't say anything to her , I felt so gulity , I asked why, he said he felt a peace come over him. He asked what I thought, I really didn't want to answer that question, but I did . I told him maybe he felt like it would release him from his burdens. I really don't know, I would like some input on that. He says, he wants do what would make him happy, but he doing what is expected of him...

    He wants me to come to his state and meet him. I don't know what to do. Should I go? Should I just stop talking to him. I did fall in love with him, and I know him saying the these things to are wrong with him being married, but what DO I do?

    Any input on this would be great.
    jaime90's Avatar
    jaime90 Posts: 1,157, Reputation: 163
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Dec 17, 2009, 05:27 PM

    You've probably heard this a hundred times:

    "Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

    Does this man really "love" you? Do you really "love" him? Is love going behind your wife's back, because you don't have the guts to fix your marriage, or at least be honest? What kind of a guy is this? Ask yourself these things before you do anything- the last thing you want to do is lead this guy on. Please consider what love is, and if you really want to be involved with a guy that isn't willing to fix the problems in his marriage, and clearly is not honest.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #3

    Dec 17, 2009, 05:42 PM

    If you want any "real" relationship, have him leave his wife, stop all contact for at least a few months and see if it works.

    While some men do leave their wife, ( esp when they get caught and wife leaves)
    BUT,
    If he "loved" his wife and is doing this with you, if you got with him, how likely would he be to keep doing this with others latter too??

    Most likely he wants you to come to get sex and be a mistress more than anything else
    jaime90's Avatar
    jaime90 Posts: 1,157, Reputation: 163
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    Dec 17, 2009, 05:53 PM

    I agree with the above about him getting sex. This is more than likely the case.
    tam_paint's Avatar
    tam_paint Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #5

    Dec 17, 2009, 06:03 PM

    No, we have already talked about not getting sexually involved. I would never do that with a married man. He agreed with him being married, there lines that we need not to cross. We are both pretty religious too.

    Something else, I failed to mentioned was, he asked if what I say is true, I will never marry again. I told him , it would take a lot of convincing. HE then said , if we met and I was single, and we had a great connection, and our love continued to grow as it has, would you marry me? What is that? I am so confused...
    jaime90's Avatar
    jaime90 Posts: 1,157, Reputation: 163
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Dec 17, 2009, 06:12 PM

    The question of "would you marry me," is a proposal. This guy seems a little shady. Great connection and "loving" someone does not make for a relationship. Being connected to someone does not mean that you are meant for each other. Keep in mind:

    "Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

    As said by other's before me LOVE IS A VERB. It's also trust, commitment, honesty, communication, and it takes a lot of time to cultivate. When I think about the above definition of love (which is a pretty darn good one if you ask me,) I definitily question both of your guys' versions of "love." Love is not a feeling or an emotion. If your relationship is based on the emotional high of being "in love," prepare to be very disappointed. Studies show that 2 years into a relationship, the "in love" feeling wears off. When the feelings wear off, where will your relationship stand? Believe me, if this guy is all wrapped up in the feelings of love, when he thinks of marriage, he isn't thinking "for better or for worse."
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
    Ultra Member
     
    #7

    Dec 17, 2009, 06:35 PM
    There are WAY, WAY too many concerns here.

    Your husband cheated on you - why would you now even consider cheating with a married man?

    You've never actually met this guy and he is married. He comes on too strong too soon. He tells you stories about his wife that you have no way of verifying. He says he would be happy for his wife to die.

    This isn't love - you don't even know him - or, you only know what he's prepared to reveal. That much is clear.

    I have no idea if what he says to you about his situation is genuine. What I do know is that he is married and that if has made some bad choices in his marriage, that's his problem not yours.

    I understand that you may be lonely, but there is no joy or emotional satisfaction here. Find someone that is available and that you can actually talk to face-to-face.

    Do not visit him and discontinue your chats with him - otherwise, if you continue with him, I suspect that this will only end in tears for you.
    tam_paint's Avatar
    tam_paint Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    Dec 18, 2009, 05:19 PM
    will a man leave his wife after an emotional affair
    will a man leave his wife after an emotional affair

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Hey - I would love to have some opionions on an emotional affair that has been going.

    I met this man online and we continued to talk. We both told each other our relationship status. I am going through a divorce and he is married. We talk from early in the morning until late in the night. He told me right off , he was in a happy marriage and sometimes he actions may not appear that way, It was little things he might say.
    We have talked on the phone a few time as well. He started telling me he loved him and I never said anything back to him, then he told me he tried to resist his feelings, but he was fallen in love with me. He then told me a little about his past. About 6 yrs ago , his wife had a week long affair and she became pregnant with the other mans baby. He was willing to stay with her and raise the baby, she ended up miscarrying the baby. I was kind of shocked when he told me, but he knew from day one my husband was a cheater. About a month later, we were talking and I was expressing how I forgive , but you can never foget. He then said,maybe I am like you. Meaning how I felt about it. I didn't say anything to him. I don't feel that is my place to talk about his wife. So- it's about a month later, he is telling me how happy I make him, I asked him why I make him happy,he says, he never felt this before, I told him, it was not my place to make him happy. He later told me he has never felt loved this way, I love him, and he knew that would hurt his wife if she ever heard him say that. I totally agree. SO- last week he tells me to be patient and understanding with him, I was lost, and didn't understand. He then proceeds to say how if it was just him, he would be gone, but there are so many variable involved. I told him only he knows what he needs or wants , and I left it at that, and this has been coming up more often, He also told about something that happened in the car with her. OUT of the blue, she said " I think I might die soon"... he said I didn't say anything to her , I felt so gulity , I asked why, he said he felt a peace come over him. He asked what I thought, I really didn't want to answer that question, but I did . I told him maybe he felt like it would release him from his burdens. I really don't know, I would like some input on that. He says, he wants do what would make him happy, but he doing what is expected of him...

    He wants me to come to his state and meet him. I don't know what to do. Should I go? Should I just stop talking to him. I did fall in love with him, and I know him saying the these things to are wrong with him being married, but what DO I do?

    Any input on this would be great.

    Also, I failed to metion last weekend, he asked me if he as single and we met, if we had a great connection and out love continued to grow as it has, would I consider marrying him... what is that? I am so confused!!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #9

    Dec 18, 2009, 05:50 PM

    Are you crazy? / No you don't visit him, he is married and whether there is sex or not why pay to visit someone you can talk crap with for free. That's really dumb, if everything he says is true. But what if its not? What if he is playing you and your swallowing everything he says because you just want to? Its still dumb, and irresponsible.

    Sorry to be harsh, but looking for something online to solve the problems in your own life is not a smart move at all.

    End the confusion, by ending this online bull crap session.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
     
    #10

    Dec 18, 2009, 08:36 PM

    I have deleted your other two posts, please stop starting new threads on very similar subject matter.

    Merely "answer" your own question to add more info about it
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
    Uber Member
     
    #11

    Dec 19, 2009, 01:30 AM

    Do yourself a huge favour and stop all contact with him.
    Live in the real world.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #12

    Dec 20, 2009, 01:18 AM

    Do you really need to be told that you have to stop this destructive behaviour?

    You say you'd never have sex with him because he is married, but yet your relationship is heading in that direction.

    You are not divorced. He is not available.

    For cryin' out loud, do the right thing, and leave him to his wife. Find somebody that you don't have to carry on an affair with.
    brigde's Avatar
    brigde Posts: 61, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #13

    Feb 8, 2011, 05:56 PM
    HE IS M,A,R,R,I,E,D, get it, married , my god have you no idea, get off the computer and if you want a man that much ,get a single, yes SINGLE man, no matter what he tells you , you should get a grip and realize that married men are out of bounds , that's my thought any way,

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