I figured I'd ask this question in this section rather than in relationships since more of you may have asked this question yourselves.

I've been seeing this girl for a little over a month now, and we've been spending the weekends together. I'll go over her place Saturday evening and we'll go out for dinner, dancing, or whatever, and I'll stay over and chill with her for most of Sunday, and leave around 3 or 4pm.

During the week, we'll talk on the phone once, and chat online 2-3 times. I want to make sure I take things slow, and am a bit concerned that I may be allowing this to move too fast. I want to keep her interested, and keep myself mysterious I guess...haha.

When we do spend time together on the weekends, it's great. We never run out of things to say or do, and the interest level is high. She always initiates our online convos, and I make sure to end them at their peak, or end them after 15-20 min.

Am I doing good? Too much?

There are a few people on these boards who are familiar now with my situation, but I'd like to hear some fresh voices too from this section.

ladymuck

I think ur way off 'too much' ive been seeing a guy for nearly 3 months and we have less contact with each other than you two do.. i personally would like it to be a bit more but guess i have to be patient and wait n see if he wants the same things from this as me.

So anyway.. after a month of seeing each other i think the amount of contact/time spent together is spot on.

PatBateman

How often do you see/contact your guy?

The only thing that bothers me a bit is sleeping over her place every weekend. I've already seen her change and get ready, seen her come out of the shower, etc. It's a bit too much in my opinion. But the problem is that she lives a bit far away, so when I do go out there, I kinda have to stay over unless I want to drive home at 2am which would suck.

ladymuck

Well some weeks il see him about 3 times.. then i may not see him for more than a week, we dont call each other much and we dont chat online... we also live in different areas so always have to stay over. U shouldnt be worrying about having seen her already without makeup etc... its good that shes relaxed enough around u not to have to worry.

PatBateman

You don't have any problems with always staying over?

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and your guy?

I am 22, and I just got out of a 6 year relationship with a girl I met when I was 16. It took us about a month to kiss, and 2 years to have sex! So for me, dating at this age is sort of intimidating, and the girl I'm seeing has had much more experience than me.

But wow, 3 times a week...what do you guys do for dates?

ladymuck

Well ok ive got a few years on you.. im 33 and he is 37.. we dont always feel a need to go out, we'l cook for each other sometimes and have a chill out night in front of the TV, we find things to do tho but 3 times a week isnt often, its usally once or twice a week tops so u can always find things to do even if its just going for a quiet drink, we always manage to find things to talk about as we dont see each other all the time and no i dont mind staying over each time. Unlike you ive not been in a serious relationship for about 3 years so to have some company in the night is refreshing, however, for you it may be the opposite to have to bed to yourself lol!

kp2171

most important thing for you is balance. youre not on a clock. there is no perfect regimen. but you know from the discussions here that a lot of people get in too much too fast. done that myself.

make the time you are together worth something. the quality vs quantity thing. you dont need to be something youre not, but i wouldnt spend a lot of time together doing absolutely nothing. granted, it is nice to do absolutely nothing now and then with a peson you like. but again, your goal is to keep the interest high and keep her attention. she has friends to talk to about every little detail of her life, just like you have friends to talk to about things that dont need to be a part of a date.

initiate some of the things you do together. drive the relationship some. and of course keep your own life too. if she sees theres more to you than being her butler shell likely stay interested.

giving some time on the weekend makes sense if it works for you. its sometimes the easiest time to get together, and its how my relationship with my wife was structured in the beginning. youre not on the phone every waking minute with her so thats great. a call now and then or a quick message seems to be working and reasonable.

like i said... the only other thing is let her know you have a life outside of her too. you dont need to spend every weekend with her if there is something you want to do without her sometimes. if you get too much into the every sat/sun routine she might expect it every single time. so what about going to that game with the guys? is that going to cause a fight? need to do some work around the house? take a day without her. need a day at the gym? go. see her later. dont ignore her. but dont be all about her.

i would hope she would do the same with you. she shouldnt be at your beck and call and she should have interests and things to do outside your relationship. again, i know you are not seeing her all the time. good for you.

as long as you are relaxed, having fun, and not in too deep, youre probably doing fine.

PatBateman

Yeah, we both have our own lives.

During the week, I'm at work and after work I go to the gym and spend time with my mom and dad since I'm still living at home (but not for long). The weekends are completely free, and I use them to chill with my friends who are still in school, and of course, this girl.

She is a grad student and her week is filled with classes, labs, internship hours, and working out as well. Her weekends are alot like mine- open for friends and of course, me.

I guess to be honest, what I'm afraid of isn't seeing her too much, but rather falling into routine, which is one of the reasons why my past relationship failed.

So far, it's been:

Go over her place around 7 or 8 on Saturday night
Go out for dinner/dancing/movies/whatever with her or with her friends as a group
Get back to her place around 12-2am
Mess around, talk, get to know each other more
Go to sleep around 4am
Wake up around 12 or 1pm
Make breakfast for each other, invite friends over and watch a football game or whatever
I leave around 5pm, go home and crash...lol.

kp2171

sounds fine. youve got a life.

also, at your age, the biggest thing is to learn and have fun. most of us go through a few relationships along the way... dont get too much into the "i need her to complete me" crap at this point. dont get me wrong, you can and might find a person you really can be with for long term. but really... dont worry about that.

enjoy her, let her enjoy you. as long as you are both having fun and still both involved in your own independent lives, youre doing fine.

momincali

You've only been dating a month or so and already are spending the weekends at her house? And you don't think that's too fast??? Way too fast. Slow it way down. Interest level is high right now cause you're just spilling yourself all over her and vice versa, BUT, it will end up biting you in the rear. She will (or you for that matter) wake up one day and say, I'm done, too much too soon. I know it feels good right now, but is it worth the price of terminating this relationship prematurely because of too much everything. Take control of your whims, miss her and let her miss you, its much nicer that way.