I have been dating this guy for about two months now. He is not the problem...it is one of my close guy friends. I had a huge crush on my guy friend for probably about a year and he knew I liked him but never did anything about it and basically said he wasn't interested in a relationship. So that was fine...whatever...I moved on. Since I have been with this new guy, my friend has almost altogether stopped talking to me and is acting very jealous that I have a boyfriend now. I confronted him about it last week and he was fine for a day or two but then went back to acting jealous and not speaking to me. I am just confused because he is the one who told me that he didn't like me in that way but then why is he acting so jealous?? I tried to make plans to go out over the weekend and he said in a pretty snippy tone,"Is your boy coming?" I don't know what to make of all this...could it be that he did like me and that is why he is so jealous now that I have moved on??

maka

That's exactly it...not much of a friend if he's stopped talking to you altogether. Confront him about it and tell him how you feel about his actions. He has no right in making you feel like you're doing something wrong. Chances are that if you leave this new guy, he still won't make any advances to you. If he really liked you, he'd have said something by now.

amIwrong

I t hink that even if some people aren't interested, they love being flattered. Maybe he is jealous thinking you don't have it for him like that anymore. But I mean, c'mon, how long is a flame supposed to burn for someone your not involved with? Or maybe in time he developed feelings for you, but, again, he didn't act on it, so, he should get over it.

JBeaucaire

The facts are simple, though conflicting. He doesn't want a relationship with you. You are a nice person, and when you started a real relationship, he feels a sense of loss anyway. He's acting badly on those feelings of loss and punishing you for his own inappopriate response.

So, not only does he not foster any real DEEP attraction to you, he also wants you to keep your attraction to him most important. That's pretty selfish, isn't it?

You don't spend any more time on this. This is how he's going to be all the time. Decide once and for all if you can stand the negative energy and go with that decision.

If you decide to hang with him, you have to ignore his pissy comments or not back down when he start in. You have no guilt so you tell him to stop acting like a jerk every single time, then change the subject.

If you decide you DON'T need the negativity in your life (this gets my vote), then stop including him in your plans. Every time he brings it up, you mention your boyfriend is getting your attention...wish him well, and walk away.

You can't change this guy friend, but you're completely in charge of how much he can harm you.

amIwrong

I agree with you. I have had many guy friends treat me like I have wronged them so how, or even cheated on them when we never had a relationship. Not outright, but as if I have "done them wrong" in some way. It's like, you have a life, it should be filled with happiness and yeah, ignore it, or cut back on it at least, or cut it out all together. this used to be hard for me when I was younger, but as I have gotten older I was getting pretty tired of it. If you do like the guy your with a lot, then you don't need any distractions or negativity surronding that. Friends are supposed to be happy for when something good happens, not negative or pissy.