So I know, I know... researching people you've dated online, and their exes/new gf rarely leads to good results. But b/c this guy is still in my life as a friend, continues to flirt w/ me, and doesn't seem to plan on disappearing even though we now live in different cities, I've looked stuff up online, and some of the results disturb me.

So the deal is that about half a year ago we were dating casually for a couple months, then I found his blog online in which he wrote about his first two dates with someone else. Made it sound to me like someone he'd just met ("she's going to meet my friends at my b-day party on Wed. I'm very excited about that...") Though I guess I can't be sure about the just having met her part... Also he called her, well let's say "B". And he named her profession.

So after that he told me he'd "met someone" he really liked, and wanted to be "just friends". So far, not that unexpected. Then he invited me to a party about a month later, and I went, and he was making out with this woman who had earlier introduced herself to me NOT as "B" but as, well let's say "E".

So it's been a few months, and he's still texting me and talking and flirting, and so I looked "E" up online to see what the deal is. Well, I found pics E had put online, and in some from before I even met that guy there are pics of her with the guy, though none of them kissing or anything. Later, around New Year's, there are a couple pics of them kissing together at parties. None recently. She lists herself as "single" on her online profile, though she mentioned something about having lots of work and wishing she could spend time with "the boy". Her profession she lists is the one he gave for "B" in his blog.


B/c this all makes me feel weird given I'm still "friends" with this guy, I am trying to figure out ways for this scenario to make sense and not be totally sketchy. For example:
Maybe he had met her through a friend before he met me, and they had hung out together in groups (hence the pics) but didn't know each other /that/ well (hence she didn't know all his friends) and then /after/ he met me was when they went on their first couple of dates AND when he was writing in his blog he just used "B" instead of "E" as an alias.

And now? I don't know. If they were still dating exclusively, it would have been 6 months. Isn't that a lot of time to still be listed as "single"? So maybe they broke up and when she writes "the boy" it refers to something else? (But what?) When do you think someone would list as "single" on their profile?

(Otherwise, he's still dating her AND he's being kind of flirty with me (fishing for compliments, complimenting me, wishing me "Sweet Dreams" etc.), and that's not a good thing, is it?)


Any other thoughts about what could be going on? Also, would it be out of line to say over IM something to him about the flirting making me uncomfortable? (But what angle should I take? "I don't know how you mean it but it strikes me as ingratiating"? "It makes me uncomfortable that you'd talk this way if you've got a gf now"?)

bluerose

Toluca_86,

That does sound complicated. Wouldn't it be better to come right out and ask him if he is seeing anyone? You are just torturing yourself otherwise.

Toluca_86

Well, I feel like asking someone something like that is sort of like asking them if they'd go out with you, isn't it? That's not what I want from him at this point...

And of course, that's not the only question I have about this situation.

Fr_Chuck

honesty, if you are concerned you should be talking about this to him,

Toluca_86

What do I say to him?

JBeaucaire

Over coffee: "I'm having trouble figuring out what's going on with you. We're friends and I'm concerned. So, who are all these girls and what does it all mean for you? I really want to know."