So there was this guy I dated briefly about 7 months ago, and we hooked up a couple times. Then he "friended" me b/c he had a thing for a friend of his, and thought they were finally going to be able to date and go somewhere serious, I think.

I hadn't seen him for 6 months b/c I'd been away, but the other day I asked him if he wanted to go to brunch with me. He suggested dinner, so there it was. To be on the safe side, I was assuming it was just a friends thing. But he paid for dinner, and then paid for the ice cream (even though I tried to pay) and we went back to my place and talked, and I felt like he may have been looking at me in "that way" -you know, and he seemed caught off guard when I ushered him out at 10pm by saying I had to get up early in the morning. Oh yeah btw, and while we were talking at my place he mentioned that he'd just placed an ad for internet dating -and was a little ambivalent about it. I felt there was some purpose behind him telling me. I couldn't tell if he was bringing that up just b/c he wanted to talk about it and wanted to feel me out for how comfortable I'd be with that, or if he was just wanting to tell me he was single. I just played it off by being chatty just like we were friends, and not reacting to it in any revealing way.

I do like him, but I don't want to wind up feeling used again. I wasn't absolutely sure if he'd been hoping our dinner thing was a date, or what... I'm wondering if I should ask him about what he thinks is up with us (w/o having any expectations about an answer) or just wait until he decides to be more direct than just hinting at things...

What do you think?

starfirefly

try doing the friend thing for a while and see where it goes, make sure hes not just trying to use you and if all goes well maybe he really does want to be with you more than that, play hard to get, your a girl it should be easy

talaniman

Until he actively pursues you, nothing is up!

Toluca_86

Hmm... I guess I am not a girl that ever knows how to play "hard to get". Most of the actual relationships I had, I feel like I made the first move or two...

Does playing hard to get mean continue acting like I don't see him as anything but a friend?

What sorts of things could he do that would to you constitute "actively pursuing" me?

Could acting like I don't see him as anything but a friend possibly keep him from "actively pursuing" me (whatever that means)?

Toluca_86

Articles like these make me wonder if I can often be "too elusive":
Is He Or She Playing Hard To Get Or Just Not Interested?
How To Play Hard To Get And Still Get Him Or Her To Fall In Love by Christine Akiteng Dating & Relationships Coach
What do you think about them?

N0help4u

Do the friend thing and then when it gets to the point you sense he wants to move on because it doesn't feel like it is going anywhere or you feel that it is then find a way to bring it up. Like just say to him so what is up with your gf? Or where do you see or want things to go with us? Get him to communicate.

Toluca_86

After that first meeting, the one I wrote about in the OP, I asked him to burn me an album. He asked if I wanted anything else, and I said "whatever you think I'd like". Then he made me a mixed CD and inside the cover he wote "Made With Love". (Which he could have just meant in a friendly way, but there were love songs on it and come on it's kind of suggestive...) I've hung out with him a couple times since, again trying to just be platonic and not flirty or anything, and not having mentioned the CD.

I don't know though -do you think I should address this with him more directly? Like what my feelings are, what he meant by the CD thing and where he's at right now? Or do you think just ignoring it is fine...?

I know he's had bad luck with women lately so I'm totally afraid he's just really horny and feeling pathetic and imagining he loves me or something... And as soon as another woman came along who he was more impressed with, it'd be like he'd just taken me for granted again.

talaniman

Your making this very difficult. Hang out a few times and have fun, and see if you click enough for him to ask YOU out. If he doesn't want to, then you know your wasting your time. The trick is to go slow enough, and pay attention, and don't give in to those feelings to empty your heart, or have sex, just cause it "feels" right.

Toluca_86

Yeah, but I mean, if I'm trying to be platonic with him, then I'm not being flirty. There is no chemistry, because I'm not making any. When he compliments me I brush it off or ignore it. And when I talk to him about certain issues I'm pretty formal. I'm basically consciously not being flirty, and not acting interested in him. So how is it supposed to go anywhere "naturally"?

You know what I mean? If you're interested in someone "in that way" you're going to act differently than if you're not. And so I've been acting 'not interested'...

For me at this point, it would be less about wanting it to go somewhere (I would actually tell him that I just want to be friends this summer) as it would be simply, clearing the air...

talaniman

Hold on here, what IS your whole purpose, and intentions, as your confusing the heck out of me.