I was in a 1 year relationship with a girl I love dearly. She was so, so good to me, but I was massively depressed throughout the relationship. I wasn't myself, and I hated who I had become. I kept her sort of at arm's length (treated her more like a friend who I hooked up with is a good way to describe it). I didn't want her to see how I had changed and I thought it was for the best until I got all my stuff figured out and got better. Well, as you can probably guess, she got tired of the treatment, and slowly but surely fell out of love with me. She blindsided me with a breakup and the worst part was it was just around the time that I felt I was ready to be the man she fell in love with, and finally had my life in order.

I went through the usual begging and pleading game but she wouldn't budge. She didn't know about my depression still, and just took it as me trying desperately to do anything to get her back. She moved on pretty quickly to a new boyfriend, some guy who wanted her for a while and I know for a fact will not do anything to mess up since he's wanted her for so long. They've been dating for about a month and already say "I love you". My depression has returned, and I even though I can see what it's doing to my mind, I can't do anything to block out those thoughts. I just think, 1. She was the best thing to ever happen to me, the only girl who loved me for who I am, 2. I will never find another girl who will feel this way about me, 3. I messed up my one shot at happiness. I know these thoughts are crazy, I am only 20 years old, but I can't help them.

I've talked to her and the relationship in its past form is definitely over. I've told her about my depression and that has softened her hard feelings a lot. She's left the door semi-open by saying stuff like who knows, never say never, etc. She once promised me we'd be together when the time was right, and I asked her about it recently. She basically said that that hasn't changed but that she's needed to take a firmer stance since I was constantly pestering her whenever she would give me a glimmer of hope. Anyways, we've agreed to be friends. I love her a lot and I don't want to let her go. It isn't exactly intolerable to see her and be her friend for now, but the waiting and hoping for another chance are two things I don't think I can deal with for a long time. Her new boyfriend is moving about an hour and a half away in a few days, so who knows how long that will last. Honestly I don't know why she threw herself so headlong into this new relationship except to forget about me. She's sometimes childish and shallow when it comes to relationships and she's the type of girl who always needs a guy for her world to revolve around. I can't really take it too, too seriously. But in the meantime, I am in a predicament.

Do I stay strong, try to relegate her to the role of a possible girlfriend down the line while keeping my options open, while keeping her close and showing her that at the end of the day, I'm a new man and I'll be there? Or do I tell her that I can't live without her and I can't live with her as my friend and shut her out completely and try to forget about her? Right now I would miss her so much, but every time I'm with her all the memories and regrets come flooding back in. She did nothing wrong in the situation and the fact that it's all my fault definitely is exacerbating the problem. I have a gut feeling that this thing will work itself out favorably in time as long as I do the right thing. But I'm not sure what that is.

Any thoughts? I greatly appreciate it if anyone's been in a similar situation.

KissMe10der

You need to stop talking to her for awhile.

Can you go without talking about the past when she is there? Can you not think about wanting her back and pestering her about that? If not, its already dragging you down.. You need to avoid her awhile. You need to do whats best for you.

Depresstion is HARD, it alters who you are and puts a damper on anything positive.

With that, you are sick. Just think of this way a min... If you had the flu, do you go out and let everyone catch it or do you stay home and nurse yourself back to health?

You cant have a healthy relationship, when you yourself arent happy or mentally stable. You need to be healthy and happy for yourself before you can keep someone else happy. Otherwise, how is it fair to them?

Sammie66

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...236544-11.html

Similar situation really. I kept pushing her away when we got close and then she upped and left when I was ready to commit.

I cried every day for a month, and two and a half down the line am just starting to feel like the old me is coming back.

I feel like I've lost someone who I didn't need to impress at all and we don't speak at all now. I don't know if I was depressed or not. I wasn't enjoying my life before I met her and I'm not now.

Just leave her alone - let her rebound relationship fail. If it's meant to be, she'll be back. I think mine has gone forever though.