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annsumm · Mar 9, 2008, 08:11 AM

Met a guy last October, we went on 5-6 dates and mutually agreed to take it a step further and slept together. We broke up after a couple more weeks (he got back with his ex). We then got back together about 6 weeks ago (yes I agreed to take him back). The other night I was round his place when I noticed on his laptop toolbar that he had visited Match.com. When I got home I searched match.com out of curiosity and he has a very recent profile on there and on several other dating sites. I phoned him and asked him what was the situation ? He replied 'well, I didn't think you wanted anything too heavy' ! For god's sake, I gave him a second go and we are sleeping together. Do I have the right to be annoyed and disappointed ?:mad:

Credendovidis · Mar 9, 2008, 08:16 AM

Just a single question : however nice he may be to you in the future : would you ever trust him again?
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Don't be angry. You know now what he is.
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Find someone else!
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Good luck!
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:)

peggyhill · Mar 9, 2008, 08:20 AM

Well, what got said when you guys agreed to get back together? Was he saying he wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend or was he just saying that he wanted to see how things go, or what. I do think you have a right to be disappointed, I know I would be in this situation. Why did he have the impression that you didn't want it to be "too heavy"? It sounds like he maybe he doesn't take sleeping together as seriously as you do. I would get rid of this guy if it were me, because he sounds like a player. He broke up with you after 2 weeks the first time, and now hurt you again. It sounds like he isn't ready for a commitment.

annsumm · Mar 9, 2008, 09:17 AM

When we first got back together again, he said that he wanted it to be 'cool and laid back' and I said that that was fine and assumed he meant he didn't want things rushed into, which was OK by me. Perhaps it was all my fault for not communicating that I wanted to date him exclusively.

talaniman · Mar 9, 2008, 01:24 PM

Perhaps it was all my fault for not communicating that I wanted to date him exclusively.

It takes two to talk and listen, and many new couple have the same problem.

N0help4u · Mar 9, 2008, 01:39 PM

Originally Posted by annsumm

Perhaps it was all my fault for not communicating that I wanted to date him exclusively.

Yep you have to tell a guy up front you ain't no easy sleezy, no sloppy seconds.
You don't want a dead end relationship!"
That still doesn't mean you won't end up with a player but at least you let them know up front what you are about.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 10, 2008, 04:22 PM

It is not seroius for many men just to sleep together, It appears you assumeed the relastionship was a lot more then he did.

JBeaucaire · Mar 10, 2008, 04:28 PM

Getting mad and frustrated are choices you make OTHER than being honest.

Be honest. You've dated him and found out what you needed to know. Now act. Anything else is you just being dishonest... mostly with yourself.

Snap out of it, wish him well, and move on. No need for anger, all is well with the world.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 10, 2008, 06:56 PM

Originally Posted by annsumm

When we first got back together again, he said that he wanted it to be 'cool and laid back' and I said that that was fine and assumed he meant he didn't want things rushed into, which was ok by me. Perhaps it was all my fault for not communicating that I wanted to date him exclusively.

Cool laid back means sex? Not rush into things means sex? Exclusive dating and cool laid back, not rushing into things do not equate.
He told you what he wanted, you just did not listen. Don't be mad at him, pop yourself upside the head and then move on.

annsumm · Mar 11, 2008, 12:46 AM

Thank you. I have now realised that cool and laid back was his way of saying - nothing serious, bit of fun. My fault for not realising and tackling it earlier. I have told him that I am not happy with how things were going and want to call it a day and wished him all the best. He replied with 'ok, I understand and wish you all the best too'. Life goes on and next time I will be communicating what I want before I get in too deep !

peggyhill · Mar 11, 2008, 11:30 AM

I think that was a good decision to make. Good for you! Good luck and I hope you meet someone nice soon! :)

JBeaucaire · Mar 11, 2008, 05:35 PM

Originally Posted by annsumm

Thank you. I have now realised that cool and laid back was his way of saying - nothing serious, bit of fun. My fault for not realising and tackling it earlier. I have told him that I am not happy with how things were going and want to call it a day and wished him all the best. He replied with 'ok, i understand and wish you all the best too'. Life goes on and next time I will be communicating what I want before i get in too deep !

Awesome. And later on, if you start mulling it over in your head again and start to get bothered by ANY OF IT, remind yourself that this was a successful relationship. You dated, discovered some incompatibilities and moved on... nobody got hurt.

Stay with that. Well done.

dupeasana · Mar 12, 2008, 04:20 AM

Originally Posted by annsumm

Met a guy last October, we went on 5-6 dates and mutually agreed to take it a step further and slept together. We broke up after a couple more weeks (he got back with his ex). We then got back together about 6 weeks ago (yes I agreed to take him back). The other night I was round his place when i noticed on his laptop toolbar that he had visited Match.com. When I got home I searched match.com out of curiosity and he has a very recent profile on there and on several other dating sites. I phoned him and asked him what was the situation ? He replied 'well, i didn't think you wanted anything too heavy' ! For god's sake, I gave him a second go and we are sleeping together. Do i have the right to be annoyed and disappointed ?:mad:

I think he must have done that before u get bk together but if u then see that he still has not taken himself out of the site, that means he his still trying to put himself out there and he his not satisfy with what he has got. I will advice you not to get too comfortable with him because people like that don't realise what they have got until its too late.