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We met,moved in together,had a baby and now due to get married all in 18 months.

Asked Mar 27, 2008, 05:20 AM — 8 Answers
Hey,I'm 24 I've been with my fianc? 26 for 18 months. We met and fell in love straight way.
We moved in after 2 weeks and I was pregnant from the first time. We where both happy because we were so in love. We weren't scared because I have a 5 year old and he has two children from his last relationship. Were due to get married in august.

Some people say it never works when everything happens all at once but we are very happy. Our sex life has always been full and satisfying or so I thought. I've always wanted more sex than him, I just put it down to me being a little younger but even after my baby I still wanted it more than him.

Recently. He seems to want to play on his laptop more than 'play' with me. He has a game on it called command and conquer. Its a war game. It seems to consume his life when he finishes work. On day he was on it for 6 hours straight. I'm not allowed to talk to him when he's on it or he'l get cranky with me. Anyway I leave him downstairs sometimes and go to bed early because my baby had me up early. I offer him an 'early night' before I get to tiered and he would rather stay downstairs on his laptop otherwise he'l bring his computer with him. When he has stayed downstairs on his own il come down in the morning and use his laptop and he'l have been looking at porn.

Is it me that he has gone off and would rather do 'diy' than let me do it? Why choose a laptop over me? I've put it down to money worries because of the wedding that's made him lose his sex drive but thinking about his dad has paid most of it andwe can afford the remaining balance. Then I put it down to having tiring days at work because he's a mechanic. Then I thought it was me. Please someone help me. I've tried talking to himbut he just tells me I'm talking crap. Please help

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8 Answers
JBeaucaire's Avatar
JBeaucaire Posts: 5,377, Reputation: 5041
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#2

Mar 27, 2008, 11:56 AM
There are SO many things wrong here I really don't know where to begin. What's you're #1 issue in that story you'd like feedback on?
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N0help4u's Avatar
N0help4u Posts: 16,954, Reputation: 9423
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#3

Mar 27, 2008, 04:44 PM
Sounds like this is what you can look forward to for a long time after you are married.
He got you where he wanted you and now he feels he can and will take you for granted.
Marriage is NOT going to change him.
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buttercup08's Avatar
buttercup08 Posts: 5, Reputation: 5
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#4

Mar 28, 2008, 01:38 AM
You both are right, thanks for replying. X

I just wanted to know what I could do to change things. I spoke to hime last night and he said everyday life was boring. I'm on materninty for another 2 months yet so I have nothing really to say for conversatiion when he comes home, and I'm not that interested in cars so we don't reallt have much to say to each other so I sort the tea and the kids and he goes on his laptop. By the time the kids are in bed I'm tiered so I want to watch tv in bed.

Its probably just me being boring because I'm tiered. Do you think it will get better when I go back to work?
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Synnen's Avatar
Synnen Posts: 7,886, Reputation: 12359
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#5

Mar 28, 2008, 01:47 AM


Um...if he loves you, you aren't boring. Period.

C&C is probably the biggest problem here. Online games are addictive, and he OBVIOUSLY prefers the make-believe to his real life.

So you watch his two kids, and your kid, and you're pregnant with your (together) kid? And you get to do all of this while he plays games?

I don't think so!

So what that he's bored?! He can start coming up with things to do as a family too! Christ, I'd like to see HIM 7 months pregnant and have energy! ESPECIALLY after taking care of three OTHER kids all day.

Lay down the law. He gets his computer 2 days a week until things straighten up, and then you can talk about more time. If he's bored, he can cook dinner, do dishes, fold laundry, get the kids ready for bed---there's PLENTY to do!

PS....tell him "welcome to being an adult! It's not all fun and games, but your own family shouldn't bore you!"

PPS--It really sounds like he has a maid and nanny--why change? Stop doing everything FOR him, and make him participate in your family.
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buttercup08's Avatar
buttercup08 Posts: 5, Reputation: 5
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#6

Mar 28, 2008, 01:57 AM
You go girl! Ha I've tried all that.

Ive had my baby she's 7 months old now, my 5 year old lives with us and his 2 girls live in wales. Which might I add we live an 400mile trip away which I normally do every 2 weeks to pick them up so they are here for when he gets home from work.

Dont get me wrong I'm not all innocent, he has 3 friends round here because he hasn't lived round here long. And I won't let him go to 1 of those house. He's bad news where drugs are concerend. I don't mind if he stands on the front doing his car I just get freaky when he goes in. I don't like him coming in our house. I have 2 to 4 kids at a time I can't be having drugys in my house what if they dropped something! I wouldn't be a good mum if I allowed this. So I put my foot down. 9 out of 10 times he listens and doesn't goe to their house but sometimes he does. I lost 3 friends to drugs I don't want to lose my fella or my kids too.

Anyway I think the problem is WE don't do anything because all our money is sucked into this wedding. I'm hopeing things will get better before the wedding. Do I need to lighten up?
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JBeaucaire's Avatar
JBeaucaire Posts: 5,377, Reputation: 5041
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#7

Mar 28, 2008, 09:55 AM
This may sound lame, and it's certainly not THE answer, but something to think about - if you're going to live with someone forever, you TAKE an interest in the things that interest them. You just do it. You learn about it, become tolerant of and informed on what is involved in that activity. You just do it.

So, boring as it may be NOW to you, it's not boring to the people involved, so find out and even consider learning about C&C and/or cars.

Just do it. You love him, right? So do it.
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buttercup08's Avatar
buttercup08 Posts: 5, Reputation: 5
New Member
  
#8

Mar 28, 2008, 02:35 PM
Yes ok i'l try.... I suppose I should really because we are planning to go into business and get our own garage so il be doing the business side of things so I guess il have to know at least the basics haha thanks for all your thoughts.
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yourmothersir's Avatar
yourmothersir Posts: 11, Reputation: 9
Junior Member
  
#9

Mar 7, 2012, 02:34 PM
the *** hole needs to grow up. I'd say the wedding is off until he can get some therapy and learn how to grow up and be a man.
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