I Asked My Question In The Wrong Place Before So I Guess I Will Start Over. My Boyfriend Is A Great Guy. Fun, Caring , Loving And Extremly Romantic. But There Is The Not So Great Side, That Side Of Him We Call "jj" For Jack Daniels Junior. My Man Drinks A Fifth Of Jack Daniels Everyday When He Goes On His Binges. The Longest So Far Is About 15 Days. When He Gets Like That I Am Of Course The Root Of All Evil, He Does Not Want Me Anymore, He Wants To Get Back With His Old Girlfriends And Screw Them, Etc. I Think You Get The Point. Anyway, My Big Question Is What In The Hell Do I Do? I Do Not Know Wehter To Actually Leave Him, Or Just Keep Doing What I Have Been Doing And Stay Out Of His Way And Let Him Just Keep Distroying His Life, My Life And So On. When He Is Sober It Is Almost Like The Things You Would Only See In Movies, He Is The Best. But Hte Demaon Has A Hold On Him. I Can Handle The Things He Is Saying Because I Know It Is Not True And That He Really Does Not Mean Them. But I Want It To Stop. It Is Not Fair For Me To Keep Going Through This Crap. When He Sobers Up, He Can Not Remeber Exactly What Happened Or What Exactly Was Said, But He Does Relize That It Was Bad. I Do Tell Him What He Did, Hell I Even Went As Far As Video Taping It So That He Could See How He Acted. I Just, For The First Time I Am Lost. I Do Not Know What To Do.
In The Announcement Introduction Part I Wrote The Other Part Of This. I Had Never Been Here So I Was "lost" Seems That Is How I Have Been Lately. God What In The Hell Do I Do?

Please Help Me-
JENNIFER

nwsflash

Hi Jennifer

Im sorry to hear about this problem you have been having with your bf, there is only one way to put it and its what you know yourself he has a drink problem. You can not allow yourself to keep being treated like this its wrong and will end up making problems for you both.

Your bf needs to deal with the fact that he is a acholic until he can see the fact that he has a drink problem there will be no fix.
You need to also tell him about the things he is doing and saying and the way it makes you feel. He needs the fix of the drink from what your saying and this is going to be the root of getting him to kick it....No it is not easy and if you love him and want to stay with him, you are going to join a roller coster why he has his ups and downs been away from the booze.

You should try and get him to go see the doctor as well as maybe joining an A.A meeting....You may also be wise to speak with his family if you know them as they may have an idear about this too so it don't look like its just you against him.

I hope things work out for you and welcome to the forum, i'm sorry to hear your feeling lost with life at the present time, this is why you need to take control of your life and set where your going.

PS - Its also not a good idear to have your kids around a guy that can go off like a box of fire-works at any given time.

fredg

Hi, Jennifer,
Thank you for asking a question here, and Welcome to this site. I am sure you will get many good answers.
Only your boyfriend can say for sure, but he has all the signs of being an Alcoholic. Within some time frame, and it's different for different people, alcohol changes attitudes....from Mr. Jeckyl to Dr. Hyde, or whichever way it should be.
Alcoholism eventually causes one to have very, very bad attitudes, going from a "happy drunk" to a very mean, argumentative, and sometimes violent person when drunk. I am 64 yrs old,....been there....done that!
Please believe me when I say that you cannot change him! Only he can change himself, and it will not happen unless some drastic, severe, event happens in his life. Some even kill others in car wrecks, 2nd degree murder, etc, and still remain in "denial"....meaning they don't see a problem.
There are two things you can do, and the choice is yours.
First, look in your local phone book for AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), and ask for the nearest Ala-Non meeting. The Ala-Non meetings are free, last 1 hour, and you will meet others who are experiencing the same thing you are. From their experiences, you will learn more than you ever dreamed in just 1 short hour.
Your other choice is to forget about him, and move on. If you stay with him, and try to help him, it will only get worse. It always gets worse, not better.
His drinking will become more and more, everyday, and his attitudes will get worse, not better.
If you wish to know more infomation, there are many sites online which can also help enlighten you, such as:
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/?Media=PlayFlash
There are Alcoholis Forums all over the web.
I do wish you the very best, and also please realize that if you stay with this person, your own attitudes will change also.
You have taken the first step in admitting there are problems with your relationship. Congratulations on that.
The next step is up to you. Either attend an Ala-Non meeting to find out what you are up against, or make some other decision. I do wish you the very best, and you are not alone!

talaniman

First you must tell him directly that his drinking turns you off and you cannot have a future with him drinking,There are places for you to go to understand this disease he suffers from but to help him you must get out of his way and protect you and your kids from him.Whether he choose to get help or not you must PROTECT yourself, easier said than done I know but you cannot help him unless he wants to help himself. Do not let him cause misery and pain in your life and no matter what he says do not settle for anything less than a complete honest effort by him (meetings,changing the people around him and the places he goes) This man can cause you great harm and you need to give him the toughest love possible for his sake and yours!good luck you'll need it.

Jesushelper76

When he is finally sober, if you feel your at your ropes end. Of course, you need to do this in a loving way. Give him a sort of ultimatem. Tell him you hate that person he becomes when he is drunk and that you can not live that way anymore. That if you want to continue our relationship you need to get help with your drinking. AA, and other counselling. Tell him you will support him in his struggle and will always be on his side but you can not be around him anymore if he continues to be a drunk. Of course, if you feel comfortable in giving him and ultimatem and also say what your going to say. Say it in your own words from your own heart. Tell him how you feel but also ask him how he feels and hopefully he will open up to you as well. Hope this helps a little.

lilfyre

JLW2174

thank you for your advice. i think i am going to leave him. i have just started college to earn my associates degree and i also take care of my kids plus work. i try everything i can to help him but you are right, only when he is ready. thank you and god bless

tonym230

hey, sorry to see that your going through that, cause also use jack, but not like that, and i dont cheat. you need to just give him a choice, and deal with it. it dont matter if he treats you like gold, if he acts like that and wants to cheat when he is drunk, you just need to move on, you deserve better. its going to be hard, i know first hand, cause i'm not over my ex, even though it wasnt from drinking. but time with heal your wounds. and you will find that romantic other guy out there. just hold on. work on your life, get that in order everything else will fall into place, you will see, just believe. if you could read mine and tell me what you think. thanks.