I need some prayers, I have been dating a guy off and on for over 3 months but don't get to see him often as he has a son and between that, his job and his church, i am a distant 4th place. He had to break plans with me tonight and I asked him why (via e-mail) and if he was dating anyone else, we'll because I jumped the gun, he freaked out, saying "this is why I don't date". I thought that he was lying, cheating or didn't want to be with me, when that wasn't the truth.
I have apologized but haven't heard from him and don't know if we have any future or not after this.
I am 31 years old, never married and really like this guy! Should I consider this over because I was stupid?
Hmmm.. sounds rather defensive on his part! There is usually a hidden meaning behind an outlashing reponse like that.
All you are looking for is honesty. If he cant be honest with you, then there is something else going on. You two HAVE been dating. What is the relationship like? Are you open to see other people? Did you feel you were exclusive? These things need to be understood to keep miscommunications from happening (at least, as much as possible).
If you were open to dating other people, then it is none of your business and you shouldnt have asked. But if you were led to believe that he wasnt seeing other people, then he needs to explain himself.
The relationship has been good when we are together. But... the time together is few and far between because of his son (he has full custoidy) his job, his church, (he's the had maintance man) and then me down the list...... but we talk often and when we do it's good.
If he "freaked out" over what I consider to be a reasonable question, given the circumstances, then I would consider him to be a paranoid whack job. If you don't wish to become his doormat, you should end the relationship. He is probably carrying excess bagage from a failed marriage/relationship and will take his anger out on you. I may well be wrong, but this was my gut reaction to your post. I wish you the best
It's hard to tell from your post, but:
Did you really pressure him for an answer, or just casually ask?
Did he really freak out, or did just have an annoyed expression?
To be fair, if you repeatedly asked the same question because you wouldn’t accept his answer, I think he would have every right be annoyed with you. It shows you have no trust.
Could it be that you are subconsciously trying to sabotage your relationship?
If I am on track here, and you really do want a life with him, just call him and apologize. Make a joke about being insanely jealous. He’ll be fine.
If he is carrying baggage as others have suggested, then you should probably reconsider sharing your life with him.
I do not think that you were being stupid at all. As another posted it sounded like he got really really defensive and in a way that makes it sound as if he has some guilt? Why would he react that way? Why would he make you feel so stupid? When you are not! You had questions and your tired of not being an important part in his life. So the question to you and the question you need to answer is. Can you be with somebody that always puts you in 4th place or do you want to be with somebody that always puts you in 1st place. It is all about choice. It is all up to you. Hope you this helps.
And yes I will prayer to God that he will guide you in what is the right path for you to take to make your life better and that he will comfort you in all times good and bad and that you are always protected and always comforted.
I didn't pressure him for an answer I just asked (but it was though e-mail and we all know you can't read tone in e-mail). He just had an annoyed expression, again, from what I could read in e-mail.
I have never asked this question before, he's a busy man, with me after his kid, job, work and church. Then dating. He's been honest with me from the beginning about that.
I wouldn't think that I was subconsciously trying to sabotage your relationship, but I am a woman and do stupid things, by over thinking these things.
I have apolozied, via phone and e-mail, he hasn't called back or responded. So now is our cooling off period when I can't do anymore and he can play games by not responding to me. (Is that really a game anyways).
I could be barking uo the wrong tree.. It's happenned before.
Another point I think you should be aware of -
You need to turn around your self-negativity. When you say negative phrases to yourself, you reinforce those thoughts through your subconscious mind. Turn around those statements. Say "I am a smart woman and I like to be prepared" or "I've made a mistake that I can learn from".
A positive mental attitude will make a huge difference in your life.
It's happenned before.
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