Space in a different light

reckless · May 11, 2010, 05:28 PM

I say you go back to the way you were by not worrying about it. When you start trying to justify someone else's actions for something you're not even sure about then you're caring too much.

You may have been friendzowned from all the talking. Did you ever physically escalate? If not, then she might be getting bored with you.

Regardless, the right thing to do is chill back. If you try to convince her not to go out with him and that he's a bad guy, you'll only make her want him more.

wreck · May 11, 2010, 05:31 PM

Thanks reckless. Planning on doing the space thing by not contacting her PERIOD.

Physically escalate? No, she's not that kind of person

chuff · May 11, 2010, 06:19 PM

Reading this was mistake after mistake.

First of all you don't listen to a woman's problems. They are her problems, not yours so let her deal with them.

Second, why do you have 6 hours a day that you can text someone? Honestly, I'm not trying to be jerk but that comes off like middle school girl stuff.

Third. You are not mysterious. She knew exactly what she was getting with you. Same old thing. She text you, you text back. She whines about her ex, you listen.

Fourth, she probably is into the other guy. There's a reason she married her ex. There's a reason she can shut up about him. There's a reason she tells you about this other guy she's into and compares him to her ex. She's attracted to that. That guy doesn't spend 6 valuable hours of his day texting her. He puts her in her place. Even if he didn't, he still doesn't waste hour after hour doing that.

Ultimately what she wanted was someone to dump her problems on. In the future when a woman is dumping her ex issues on to you, flat out tell her you have better things to do with your time. Tell her not to disrespect you like that. Stand up for yourself, like her ex did.

You unknowingly put yourself in this situation, but see it for a great learning tool and get out from this dependence on their problems and start depending on your own concerns.

BlackVY · May 11, 2010, 06:50 PM

It wasn't good that you fell for her, but I guess that happens.

She was pretty much venting on you and just wanted someone to listen. I think she got a little interested in you too, but when she found out this new guy had feelings for her, she dropped you, sorry to say.

Though she doesn't like her ex, she is still attracted to that type of guy I guess, so its possible she is into him and may make the same mistake again, but its hers to make. She is not a child.

The best thing to do is go back to how it was before, just go about doing your own thing and relax. You don't need this kind of headache when its not really going to benefit you in any way.

You can do the nice thing and be there for her as a friend if you want, but that's your choice. Weight up the pros and cons before you do anything

wreck · May 11, 2010, 06:54 PM

Thanks chuff and blackvy for the replies.

Currently ruminating about those opinions now; and for possible other answers to other questions I may have in my mind as well.

BlackVY · May 11, 2010, 06:56 PM

Good to hear that... Take all the time you need... In the end, you have to do what's best for yourself...

Jake2008 · May 12, 2010, 05:51 AM

One of my best friends was male (he died a few years ago). From the time we were pre-teens, all the way to adulthood, we confided in each other. Mostly about relationships, but we too, had much in common, that kept our relationship going- as friends.

For the woman who confided in you, she felt safe enough to share her personal history with you, and while you discovered you had much in common with her, there was no friendship. There was nothing there that she thought was worth persuing beyond you being a sounding board, and a support to her.

If she comes around again, which she probably will, it will be to help her through the next drama. Most likely it will always be about her, and her needs, without regard to yours.

It may have taken her a while to come to the realization that you had developed feelings for her, because she was so self-centered. When she realized you could no longer fill a need in her life, she dropped you like a hot potato.

You were in second place the minute you started listening to her.

When a relationship such as it was, is pretty much 100% her and 0% you, your needs are not being met. Try next time to find someone who is still not over her past relationship, and heading down the same road with a clone.

You deserve better.

talaniman · May 12, 2010, 06:31 AM

The problem as I see it is when you became her trusted girlfriend, and listened to her. You made it worse when you became so available. Not to late to disappear and get back to what you were doing before you became distracted.

At least keep things in perspective, being a friend, without the romance.

wreck · May 12, 2010, 07:33 AM

Little something about the situation that I didn't type in earlier due to lack of sleep:

There was this party last saturday at the guy's place (timeline of this would be the night before we had "the talk"); so as usual I texted her asking if I could swing by to pick her up since I was in the area. She said no thanks she'd meet me at the guy's place and she'd go there by herself. Lo and behold, the guy's car pulls up into the driveway and she's there with him inside. So I just play it cool and act normal. Towards the end of the party, one of my friends asked her if she would stay the night; she replied "I know myself in situations like these; it would be best if I would go home". So that's why I asked to take her home. Basically I meant to save her from herself. I didn't tell her that, but God knows what could have happened since everybody's had a few drinks in them; all bets are off.

Basically I don't want her to hand out her heart to someone who's just like her ex and would hurt her. God knows the deep hole that we cooperated to save her from. ANd I wouldn't want her to go through the mental and physical anguish all over again from having a potential boyfriend that loves to fool around (i know the guy personally as well).

Guys thanks for taking the time out to answer these questions that have been bugging my mind. I owe you people mas beers.

Space in a different light

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