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miserablegirl · May 18, 2007, 08:34 AM

Sorry to bother you people - but can you make any sense of this.. I was in work and saw a lovely hamper full of sweets and candy and thought as a surprise it would be lovely to send it to boyf to make 1 year together special.. for 4 June.. So I ring him on my lunch break - didn't tell him what it was but that he has to sign for it etc and he gave out to me!! Saying we aren't together 1 year on that day its 4 July.. you disgust me.. forgetting etc.. I said hang on a min you kept saying all of last year its 4 June.. which he still says.. and now he goes changing his story.. so I got even more mad and said why can't you ing be a normal boyf and give me a simple thank you.. is that too much to ask? Again he goes whatever! I said don't whatever me.. I am madly in love with him and pregnant with his child and trying to find strength inside me to get rid of him.. but I just end up hurt and then I force myself not to cry for the sake of the baby.

Anyway was v miserable again.. ignored him for a whole 5 minutes which was progress for me and was roaming about shops.. then we finally had another fledged phone fight.. where he admitted to 'not knowing if he was ever capable of loving me' and that I should 'think what I like' I burst into tears and hung up on him... he then said its your own fault.. calling me a cheating - dumb slut etc.. I was horrified.. so rung him back.. saying do you get some sort of kick out of hurting me.. I said I don't cheat you and even if I was offered I wouldn't.. and the day you see that is the day you will trully lose me.. I tried to break up with him for once and for all.. I really did.. but felt like such an eejit for getting him something that he simply didn't deserve..

I then got angry said I ing spoil you.. I now hope the dentist tears the tooth out of his head today.. as he was going off to get it seen to. I asked are you suddenly treating me like on purpose as you are trying to get rid of me to be with that b*tch ex of yours? He said calmly I haven't contacted her.. I then got mad and said why do you give more of a about her then the mother of your own ing child.. and hung up on him... what a w**ker? I can't think straight - I am too hurt and not even strong enough to do the necessary.. your thoughts as always are appreciated..

Bottom line can someone please translate to me this - what does a guy mean when he says he doesn't know if he is 'capable of ever loving me?' Thanks again..

salimdost · May 18, 2007, 08:54 AM

Mg! It's so simple to understand that when a guy says aloud he don't think or that he doesn't know if he is capable of ever loving me? You silly still don't understand this? I feel pity on you. It simple means change your direction, change your approach and accept new things in life. I hope it makes some sense to you. You also need to change your beloved name from miserablegirl to something more appealing like, s16, h20 etc.

miserablegirl · May 18, 2007, 08:58 AM

Its not that easy when you actually love a person you know and they just don't love you back.. hence my name miserablegirl.. I don't want a more appealing name as I am too sad to change it you see..

Maybe I should have re-phased my question - is there any potential i.e.. Hope.. of him ever loving me.. since he doubts his capabilities to?

salimdost · May 18, 2007, 09:03 AM

Thanks for quick answer. But you know, nothing is forever here on earth. So still you need to consider the present situation and move on with your life. I can be a friend to you if you like. OK. Thanks. Salim. Come out of sadness. There is no reason to feel and be sad for someone who could not be yours.

miserablegirl · May 18, 2007, 09:07 AM

No probs and thanks again to respond.. its a bit hard to come out of sadness espec when you feel completely isolated with an additional prob.. I am just trying to do the right thing now - I guess I wonder whether he will be better once the baby is out? Any thoughts about this? I feel sad as he has been mine before.. I just want it to stay that way.. and guess I am just eager for it to work out in the long run

Sdjosh · May 18, 2007, 09:11 AM

It's a tough time for you both right now. A baby on the way? You both must be scared right now. Im not sure how old both of you are but that is hard to deal with no matter what age you are.

First things first. The anger outbursts and harsh words need to stop. It doesn't solve anything... just creates more resentment.

miserablegirl · May 18, 2007, 09:14 AM

I totally agree.. and it was my suggestion to stop the fights etc at least for the sake of the child but he is immature.. he is 34 I am 26 - he is in UK I am in Ireland - he refuses to come here to help me rear the child - I tried to live with him in his parental house but he did nothing to help me financially when I wasn't working and I became miserable as I did not want to be dependent on him.. I then became stressed as I have a 10K student loan to repay and do not want my parents to have to pay for it or him for that matter.. so I went back to Ireland as I knew I could get a job where they would not tell me I was over-qualified - in UK I couldn't find work for this reason..

Sdjosh · May 18, 2007, 09:18 AM

I hate to say it but it sounds like he doesn't want to take the responsibility of having a child.

Tuscany · May 18, 2007, 09:21 AM

Now this is jut my opinion and you can take it for what it is worth. But the actions of the man do not sound like something that you would want to be with long term. You are pregnant with his child and he would not support you when you moved to be with him. He is 36 and still living at home (which although is not necessarly a bad sign it is a red flag to me). I think you need to step away from this relationship, concentrate on your baby and staying healthy. Get a clearer picture of what you want and what you need.

salimdost · May 18, 2007, 09:28 AM

MG! Now I see the real picture. You too are bound by this angelic soul coming into this world in the near future. But as I said earler stay and live in the present moment. The sooner the better. Now even though the baby is due, he is not showing his part of the responsibility. You need to get some quick help and resolve this before the delivery. Because after the delivery, you and your beloved are going to be losing 700 hours of sleep in the very first year of your child's rearing. I say get help and see his dad etc.

Deeva · May 18, 2007, 09:31 AM

sorry honey he clearly doesn't love you and for him to not care about your feeling when you are going to have a baby says a lot about this man! You deserve so much more. Verbal abuse from anyone only means that they don't value you and doesn't respect you.Get out and give yourself and the baby a loving relationship that you deserve.. Its harder than it seems, but you need to give love to someone who appreciates it and who respects you for who you are.. Anyone outside this is not worth your tears or your heartache.. Give it time andcut all ties.. he will realise what he has missed. You just concerntrate on finiding a loving person for you and your baby.. its going to be worth it.. with time you will realoise.. xx

miserablegirl · May 18, 2007, 12:57 PM

Hi guys - yes I am staying away from him or at least trying to but I am so emotional I wish I had the power to ignore the guy.. he finally let it slip he said when the comes out of you!! I ate him alive and said don't you dare call your own daughter a or I swear you will never see her.. I will not let her succumb to your verbal abuse.. since he let this outburst out I have ignored him and he is now saying it just 'slipped out' I said I can not forgive that sorry.. but then he is now acting so-so.. he blows hot and cold.. one min he wants the child the next he couldn't care less and I am only trying to fathom his behaviour.

emopunk7 · May 18, 2007, 01:11 PM

Omg! HOW CAN HE SAY THAT ABOUT A BABY? Especially his own! Let this jerk GO!! LEave it alone!

miserablegirl · May 18, 2007, 03:51 PM

Yeah tell me about it.. but now he says he takes it back.. mm

miserablegirl · May 19, 2007, 05:45 AM

I got an email this morning apologising for the insults.. I wrote back you can not blame a baby just because you feel you are not ready etc. he basically said that he can not let go of the past that is stuck in his head that is why he is currently horrible to me.. but I have done nothing to him the past and he has this complex - so lets see what happens eh.. not going to get upset anymore but what a head wrecker..

talaniman · May 19, 2007, 06:17 AM

At 34, a man should at least know how to do the right thing by the female, as far as support, and helping anyway he can. This guy is immature to be that age, and no way is he ready to be in your life and your child's. But the fact is you are bonded for the next 18 years at least, so I feel it will be all on you to bring this baby into the world, and leave your b'f alone and tell him to handle his issues and grow up, or leave you alone. You don't need his attitude and immaturity around you, so let him know to get his act together, or go to hell, and mean it. Honestly you both are not very good together, especially with the communications.

miserablegirl · May 19, 2007, 12:01 PM

Well the weird thing is I am v direct with him in terms of communication - when I am not happy I certainly let him and know and state why - he on the other hand is like draining blood from a stone in terms of knowing what's wrong and it usually takes me another 15 minutes to extract what the hell is bothering him in.. he is like a child v sulky and moans a lot when things aren't the way he wants them to be... I can not understand how overnight he has had thing change of heart and apologised?? OK he gave verbal abuse - I pulled him on it hung up and ignored him.. thank god but was upset and tried to not let it bother me.. the next day he emailed and apologised but I did nothing as I still think he is not doing enough... now he says he wants to come over for the first time to visit me here! I think because he feels guilty over how he treated me.. I think he is a confused man and is not direct about this.. or maybe I am too critical.. either way.. I do appreciate your replies everybody. I promise to take on board what you have v accurately written back to me with so thank you..

rosepedal · May 19, 2007, 12:07 PM

Your supposed to be the emotional wreck right now not him. You deserve a better support system but you're the only one who can decide that. I hope you decide that you deserve better. I know that there are plenty of people that would love to help you and just be there for you. Just because you are having a baby doesn't mean that he owns you or your child.

miserablegirl · May 20, 2007, 02:54 AM

Yeah I know what you are getting at thanks.. I guess I am trying to get stronger day after day.. its a v lonely predicament to be in and yeah I have felt emotionally trapped by it all. I am amazed I am still not an emotional wreck yet.. my head is wrecked hence the posting.. but you guys are actually making me cop on slowly but surely so thank you..