[jlanou]

I have a pre-teen daughter (10) who lives with my ex. My birthday was on Monday, and my ex usually reminds her to call me. It's the only gift I get from my daughter each year. My ex had a busy day on Monday and forgot to remind her. Since Monday, my ex says that she has been reminding her to call me, but her response to my ex is that she doesn't really want to. My ex won't force her (and I understand that). Am I losing touch with my daughter? Is there anything that I can do? We live about 3,000 miles apart and I don't get to see her very often. :(

[Fr_Chuck]

Sadly it is very likely and as they get into the teens with new lives of their own, you lose touch often living in the same house with them.

Assuming all 10 year olds are on the internet, try and email her some, and see if you can get a few responses there, keeping some contract, or at least let her know you are trying is very important as often in latter years they regret and try to contact again
And again she may just be busy and forgetting, kids are like that also

[ballengerb1]

Sounds like you should be calling her, regularly. Are you calling her on birthdays and special events? Sending birthday and Christmas gifts? If the answer is no to any of these questions you may be causing the emotional distance. It is not too late to rebuild the trust and communication so start today.

[RubyPitbull]

She probably feels very badly that she forgot and is embarrassed. She may be afraid that you won't forgive her, or tell her you were hurt and ask why she forgot.

It is hard to figure out what is going on in anyone's head. My suggestion would be for you to call her and tell her you miss her, and if she tells you that she is sorry she forgot your birthday, tell her it is okay and you still love her. If she doesn't bring up your birthday in the conversation, you shouldn't bring it up. Since you are so far away and cannot have the normal contact you wish you could, avoid any negativity. Always be positive and encouraging. Although you are hurt, she is only 10 after all. The good thing in all of this is that it sounds like you have a decent relationship with your ex. That will help tremendously.

In order to keep in touch with her and not lose that touch, you should set up a phone call schedule. Maybe something like, for example, every Sunday morning you call her to find out how her week went and just chat with her. Always tell her you love and miss her. I can guarantee if you do this you won't lose touch with her and she will know that you are always thinking about her and love her. You may also want to send her a card in the mail once a month. Just something that says you are thinking about her. She will cherish those things. And, I wouldn't be surprised if in ten years she shows you a whole drawerful of all the cards you sent. The things we do that seem small and trivial to us adults, are HUGE things to children and mean a lot more than we realize.

I hope this helped.

[RubyPitbull]

You are welcome jlanou. You sound like a good and caring father. Which means, sometimes we doubt ourselves when we do the best we can. It just shows you have compassion and intellect. I am glad we all could help ease your mind! :) Have a great time with your daughter in June.