[supersys11]

Me and my girlfriend were dating for just shy of 3 years. We started living together after about a year and a half, and things started to go south at that time. Shortly after she moved in, I had a herpes outbreak. She was the only woman that I'd ever been with sexually, so we both knew that I had got it from her. This just added to the weight on both of our shoulders.

About 2 months ago, I told her that I couldn't live like this anymore and we needed to be in separate living arrangements. At first she seemed hurt but ultimately agreed that it was the best decision for both of us. About a week after we had that conversation, she decided that she didn't want to date anymore either. She slept on a blow up mattress in our living room for the last 2 weeks until she moved out. They were a miserable 2 weeks and we basically spent the entire time walking on eggshells.

About a week after she moved out, she told me that she wanted to give it another shot. I agreed mostly because I thought that separate living arrangements might bring the spark back to our relationship, we spent about 2 weeks in this limited capacity... hanging out with each other every couple of days and sincerely having fun again... and she started asking questions about "what we are." Things were going well and I didn't want to rock the boat. She wasn't satisfied with the limited capacity that we were seeing each other, and gave me an ultimatum. I wasn't ready to jump head first into the relationship, so we went our separate ways.

It's been about a month and a half since we decided to go separate ways. This weekend she came by to pickup the last of her things, and she told me that she has been dating another guy. Initially I was surprised that she was dating already, but didn't really care about it... but now that I've had time to let it sink in I'm having mixed emotions. She told me that she wasn't sure that this was what she wanted. She said that if I told her that I wanted her back she wouldn't know what to do. She also told me that she hasn't told her new boyfriend that she gave me herpes. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I stressed to her that she should tell him. She told me that she was just going to avoid sexual contact during times of outbreak. She is completely ignorant to the fact that she doesn't have complete control of the condition. The guy deserves to know, and I wish that I would have known before it was too late.

I don't know what to do about telling her new boyfriend. I think he deserves to know that she gave me herpes, but Im almost positive she won't tell him. I don't think its my place to tell him, is it? What do I do to get rid of all of these feelings? Im pretty sure that I don't want to get back together with her. I don't think the relationship was healthy for me, but I guess I miss the companionship, and I still want what is best for her. She has asked me to hang out as friends several times, and I have always declined. I don't know what to do about it but it has been on my mind non-stop since I found out she's already moved on and dating someone else. Where do I go from here? What have you all found helped you to move on? Should I just shut her out completely?

[ROLCAM]

1) Should I just shut her out completely?

YES! YES! YES!

2) Where do I go from here?

Look for a NEW LIFE for yourself.

[talaniman]

As serious as STD's are, you tell him anonymously. As for her, you have no need to be bothered by her again for any reason.

So my best advice is read all the stickies in this forum. There is a link in my signature, and ask any question that you may have.

Good Luck!

[supersys11]

My head is really in a messed up place. After we "split up," I never cried. Not once. I just didn't accept mentally that we were through. I find out 3 weeks after our split that she's already in a new relationship. It hit me then that we were really over, and I've just been a huge wreck. It really opened up my eyes to how strong I still feel about us. She came over to get the last of her things from our apartment and I spilled my guts to her, put it all out on the table... and didn't get much of a response from her. Basically all she said "I still love you but... I don't know. I'm with someone else now." She still said she wanted to be friends but I told her I can't keep seeing her just as friends, and that I think the best thing for us to do is not to talk. I needed some time to get over things. Her friend drove her over to my apartment and after a few minutes she started honking her horn and so she had to leave pretty abruptly. Her friend is buddies with her new new boyfriend, and I'm fairly certain she knew that there was a chance if we talked awhile things would get stirred up.

The next morning she sent me a text message saying "I keep thinking about you." I asked her why she would say that to me, and she said "Im sorry, I'll leave you alone." All I could do was think about that text, so the next day I sent her a text telling her that it was bothering me and I needed to know for sure that this was what she wanted. She said "Right now, yeah." I asked what she meant by 'right now' and she replied by saying "right now i think i made the right decision."

Needless to say, that didn't provide me with much resolution. That was 4 days ago and it was the last time we had any contact. Even though I haven't broken in, I've come close many times and all I can do is think about her. Every time I get a phone call or text message I think to myself "maybe it's her!" It just really sucks. I just feel like there's something I should be doing or saying to open up her eyes.

I haven't sent anythingto her new boyfriend anonymously because I'm worried that if it was a deal breaker for him, maybe she would come back to me... and then I really wouldn't know what to do. I want her back but I couldn't do it knowing that I was just a 2nd option. I just keep praying that she's going to change her mind. Im having a hard time believing that no contact is the best thing right now... we were together for 3 years and then after 3 weeks she's able to jump into a new relationship? My head is in such a messed up place. I don't even know what I'm looking for with this post. I guess I just wanted to put things in writing... for some reason it helps

[supersys11]

She also said that she hopes we get back together sometime in the future, but that we are just in 2 different places right now. I'm 25 and she's 21. She's still in a "go out with friends and party" mentality and I'm starting to wind out of that phase. So I can see where she's coming from and that definitely led to a lot of our problems. But things like this just keep fermenting in my head and I just can't stop thinking about it.

[JoeCanada76]

How did she get herpes? Sleeping around? Uhm, did she keep it secret until you had an out break?

This girl sounds like bad news. Run away and do not give it a second thought.

She needs to party and spread diseases, you need to leave her to her destructive ways and move on without her.

Do not even by the story about maybe together in the future. That is Bullsh$t.. Do not even listen to that.

NO CONTACT.
LET GO.
EX, is an ex for a reason. Who cares who she is seeing.

Although I agree that this guy needs to know about her herpes. She is lying about that to him.

What else was she lying about to you?

[supersys11]

One thing we didn't have a problem with in our relationship is trust. She told me everything.. and I'm sure she didn't know about it before I got it. She was an ex because I broke up with her. We moved in together too soon and it was smothering us. We definitely weren't ready for it and it killed us. I feel like if we had another chance with more space it would be different. I also felt like I didn't care at all about her but I realise now that's not the case.

[JoeCanada76]

It is up to you if you want to live in denial.

The fact is she is keeping the herpes a secret to her new boyfriend so most likely she kept it from you as well.

You broke up with her, for a reason. Ex is an ex for a reason. There is no going back now..

I honestly think if there was another chance, with more space it would not be different at all.

The only reason you think you care now is because you know that you can not have her now, and now she has a boyfriend. So now you want somebody you can not have.

She told me everything, sorry but I highly highly doubt it. You might think she did, but I am saying to you in surity that she did not tell you everything.

Take care, and remember to move on, and that this is over. That it is bullsh@t about in the future getting together.

Sorry to dash your hopes but it is time to get out of denial and into reality and realise it is time to move on.

To bigger and better things.
To finding somebody that you truly love.
To working through your own things and not to get into rebounds to get over somebody.

Give this some time and heal.

[supersys11]

Yea I guess I just need to hear it from someone else... thanks...