[the boss]

now me and my girlfriend been having some problems in the last few weeks that have been really bothering me and some of the things i just dont understand why she does it. for example she will make plans for me and her to do some thing on the weekend then at the last minute she will cancel on me to do something else. a lot of it been over a lot ofb dumb stuff. byut finnally today i broke up with her and i miss her a lot i wana call and get back with her but then she would still do the same thing. what should ido????:confused:

[TrueFaith]

Kind of harsh don't you think?

Why didn't you try talking to her?
Why didn't you try making another plan?
Did she brake up plans to go do something else on her own or with you?

And now you want her back? How long have you been dating, didn't you see this pattern long before you broke up with her?

Its all about getting to know one another. If you try to change who she is then I say leave it if it bothers you that much.

I would like to know a few things though

How old are you both? ( you sound young)
How long have you being dating?
And was this first fight about this subject?

[talaniman]

You seem to have had enough, and you feel she may not change, so leave her alone, and let the dust settle, and regroup with your own plans that you want to do.

[Chery]

Just curious, what to you is dumb stuff? Give us a few examples so that we can get to know you better.

Also, after she made these weekend plans and told you about them, did you show interest in participating or did you for instance say 'OK, if you want, or if we have to' without any further conversation about it.

Do you and she have the same idea of a 'good weekend' or would you rather be doing something else - and have you told her?
If you don't understand some of the things she does, why have you not talked to her about them by now.

It sounds to me as if you were already in the 'comfort' mode and she was in 'getting to know you and having some fun' mode. So, of course you miss someone being with you to keep you comfortable and company, but you don't seem too excited about anything.

You say you miss her a lot and want to call and get her back - but fear she will do the same thing... What makes you think she might want to come back to you? You sound a little boring to me - so I think that not only you are the one with second thoughts - she just might be bored with you too.

Think about it and get back with a little more information than what you brought with you this time.

It's an absolute fact that women and men speak different languages, but mind-reading are not one of them, so never expect that.

We are here to help you, but you have to 'communicate' with us - we don't read minds, although I tend to read between the lines sometimes.

Talk to you later..

[the boss]

OK well were both 17 and some of the things that bother me is she she will make plans to do something with her then at the last minute she will cacell togo with her friends. When I try to tell her about stuff like that she will say things like "quit wineing" "you dont rule me" and that "i can't control her" shs giving me a lot of mixed signals and I'm really confused most the time. I ask her things like "why dont you go out with your friends or call them"? Then she will tell me " no i just wana be with you and only you" we been together for 7months. And are first fight was about 1month ago.

[talaniman]

Read the first line in my signature. Is that you??

[Chery]

At 17, can I assume that this is maybe he first long-term relationship for you?

When was the last time you made some neat plans on your own for an exciting weekend, then dressing nice and going out to have a good time?

When was the last time you told her how great she looks and how much her smile or laugh turns you on?

What did you do while you were trying to get her attention and got as far as getting her to be your girlfriend?

Then after getting her (winning the chase), did you two talk about all the things you like to do, or make plans on things to do together and what you see later down the road in the future?

What I want to know is.. is this just now stay at home, have a little sex, turn around and watch TV and switch to the BORING mode watching MTV?
At 17, the last thing a girl wants is to be bored, taken for granted, and not made to feel that she is still exciting and that you love to be with her and take her out. Do you know what her favorite flowers, colors, books, foods, hobbies, movies, music, clothes, etc are? If not, then you are in trouble.

For goodness sake, you are not a 50 year old married couple who have run out of things to talk about and new things to do and try. You are kids just starting in life and it should be as much fun as possible before it's too late.

Think of the current relationship as a TV show for a minute... would you enjoy watching it? Would it be one of your favorites - probably not. I'm pretty sure she feels the same way too and unless you do something to attract her attention and help her enjoy life again, you are going to be all by yourself for a very long time, wondering what you did wrong. So, please take a long hard look at yourself and what you miss in her now that she's gone - I don't think I need to say more at this point. Being confused comes from lack of communication and really listening to what she says instead of translating it your way before it reaches your brain.

If you want her back, chase her again and start enjoying life - otherwise, stay home and forget her.

[the boss]

talaniman no I haven't made her my priority. And yes chery this is my first longterm relationship, she's the first girl other them my family members I cared about. Getting her back is not the problem I'm not sure if I should go back to her. And the reason for that is I think she takes advatage of my trust and kindness. I'm not sure at all if she understands all of what she does that I don't agree with so I don't want to do the wrong thing and push her away. And yes again chery I no all of the things above even before we went out. We go out about every week and see each other almost everyday. There are something's I do that I'm not sure if I over react about. Now even know its so soon I bealeav I love this girl and that's why I try so hard to keep things between us going! I tell her how great she looks and how everything about her is perfect to me. Some times she likes other times she thks I'm just saying it.

[the boss]

OK we just worked things out, but now I'm back where we started. When we talked it all out on Sunday night we both agreed that the next day at school we would talk about certin problems that we were having. Unfortunally she was sick and couldn't come to school so we never had the talk. Then while we were texting each I told her "dont for get we still need to talk" then she got very upset and tld me "we dont need to talk everythings fine between us now" I quickly reminded her that this talk was to help prevent futrue problems. She sais "bye dont txt or call me' so i didnt untill later that night again we both agreed to have the talk at lunch tomarrow. but she wanst filling good today at lunch so i completely understood she wasnt up for it. but when i brang up the subject when she was feeling 100% healthy again she got very upset and said the same words. i told her we could talk tonight or tomarrow then she got very smart abnd replied "how about never" i told her to quit acting so imatur then she mocked me and said "OK then how about in two weeks" I noticed she avoids things when she's doing something wrong but when I'm doing something wrong then she wants to talk. I just don't know what to do?? And I'm doing my best to do what's write

[JBeaucaire]

Leave her alone. Stop pursuing her with your corrective advice. I know, I know, you "just want to talk"... but she sees it as you controlling and telling her how she's wrong. If she IS wrong, then that just makes it worse for her.

Look, she's not interested in mature discussions like this. She's a baby, let her be.

Meanwhile, there are tons of girls out there that don't let their guys down this way. You should keep that fact in the back of your mind. There are girls that won't need you to "talk them into changing"... you know?

[lovebug2140]

I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years a while ago.. its hard at first, but it gets a lot easier really fast

[the boss]

Yea I know there's a lot of girls out here! But not the type of girls I want any more. All the females in my area are not exactly my type there nasty and are not looking for relationship like I am.

[lovebug2140]

Just take it slow, you don't need to rush right into anything.. its nice to be single for a while.. a good girl will come around

[Romefalls19]

Ok, I may be a little late, but if she doesn't want to talk and work things out then it shows how immature she is. Problems never go away if you sweep them under the rug, they just get bigger and cause more problems. You need to decide what's in your best interested not what is good for her

[talaniman]

yea i know theres a lot of girls out here!! but not the type of girls i want any more. all the females in my area are not exactly my type there nasty and are not looking for relationship like i am.

That's a broad statement which I doubt is true, but looking for a relationship is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Dating a lot and activities, you enjoy is how you go about expanding your world and making new friends. Relationships develop over time and interactions, not picking and choosing. Timing is everything, so slowdown and enjoy yourself, and never judge until you know someone. That takes time, which you have plenty of.

[the boss]

OK everybody agreegs that I should brak up with her? But its har to avoid her we both ride the bus have classes right next to each other and have a class together.what should I do to avoid her

[lovebug2140]

You don't have to aviod her.. its always best to end on a good note. And it is possible for exes to be friends. Honesty is the best policy.. tell her the truth, and maybe you guys can be together again someday in the future

[the boss]

Yea but I tried all this before an we never staty broken up more then a week how do I resist being with her even no she drives me crazy I still care about her a lot. I told her today that me and her are trying to put something where it don't belong. Its like trying to put your left foot in your right shoe no matter how much I try it will never fit.

[lovebug2140]

Then end it, its not right. Just stand your ground.. let a friend step in and not let you get back with her as bad as that sounds.. but you need it.. you can do it.. its not that hard after a week or so

[the boss]

OK thank all of you I will keep you posted on what happens