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awarkedmoments · May 11, 2012, 12:56 PM

So how do I start well, I'm 20 years old was 18 when it all started.

I moved shop and me and the manger got on really well he was 40 then 42 now I already know this will make you think oh gosh what happened next well we started texting and was always messing about at work I was with someone and so was he. The text became a lot more flirty and one day at work we kissed! We started making our shift work around me and him and when my boyfriend was out of the flat so we could go there just me and him.

We ended up having sex on Boxing Day, this went on for a year people at work started to work it out so he moved shop we still texts most day me and my boyfriend at the time split up because I couldn't do it to him anymore! Then my manger got married I was so upset didn't see that 1 coming but we were still texting and meeting up but things stopped between us then I moved back to my old shop it all kicked off there and the manger I was sleeping with is now my boss again we still text all the time and keep flirting at work nothing yet has happened again but I can't help but love him even if he is married!

Really don't know what to do right now any help?

WisperWill70 · May 11, 2012, 01:00 PM

You already know the answer to this question... but you probably don't want to admit it. You already know you've given up a relationship meanwhile, Mr. Boss has gotten MARRIED... clearly not investing the time or commitment to the relationship that you are and doesn't share your feelings. It's only a matter of time before he gets back into the meaningless sex routine at the expense of your emotions. Before you get all twisted back up in this -- check your gut instincts and intuitions and feelings you're not listening to: They're trying to tell you something! -- And that something is; -stop! Stop texting, stop flirting and get back to living your life and finding out what the next steps are for YOU :)

awarkedmoments · May 11, 2012, 01:38 PM

Yea I guess your right but I really can't help the way I feel I think about him every min of the day I can't help it. I have tried getting a new job but he won't let me leave its so hard when we don't see each other for a few days I miss him so much, he is always there for me when I'm upset or anything can't cope without him! Its so hard!

WisperWill70 · May 11, 2012, 02:10 PM

I know it's hard. But you CAN help yourself form new feelings about the situation and more importantly about yourself. What does it say about your relationship to YOU if the guy who cheats and won't commit to you and who doesn't feel the same way you do is the person you feel is "there for you" when you need love and care... :(

And I have to challenge you here... does that really work? Is he really there for you? Was he ever? Or are you so lost in your attachment to him that you really *wish* that he was and what little he gives feels like he is to your "wishful" self. Thinking of him "every minute of the day" is obsession and it keeps you from living your life. Attachment makes you focus only on what you wish you could have. You can't lose something you truly (with the willingness to see the truth) VALUE or which values you. -- it could be you're using your infatuation as boss because you're scared that there isn't anyone ELSE out there or that you're not good enough to be in a situation where you're the #1 focus of consideration, love, and attention. -- Or maybe you're just scared of the next steps. There's some reason boss is in your life and keeping you stuck. You owe it to yourself to get free of whatever that is.

Keep determining to face the truth and keep listening to that little voice inside that says "-- we've got to stop this."

talaniman · May 12, 2012, 07:27 AM

The fact that you have reached out is a good sign you know you are trapped and want something better for yourself. That's good but how to get it? Stop allowing yourself to be used in the name of your love! Stand up for yourself, and DEMAND you be loved as you love. Because you deserve it!! Start telling him to go to hell and leave you alone as you seek better for yourself.

he won't let me leave its so hard

And stop using this BS excuse to not break away from him. I know its hard because YOU don't want too leave! That's a load of made up crap, and you know it! Maybe you are not miserable enough yet, but when you are really tired of being miserable, then you will want better and do better.

Until then, you suffer with the crumbs he gives you.

Homegirl 50 · May 12, 2012, 07:48 AM

You need to leave this married man alone. He does not love or respect you and it's time you respect yourself.
If course he does not want you to go, you are his side piece. He can have his cake and eat it too with you. Is this what you want your life to be like?
Of course not.
He is really a creep who is taking advantage of you. Get a clue girl.

Fr_Chuck · May 12, 2012, 08:28 AM

You were good for having sex with, he wanted and still wants a great time in bed. I hope he pays you well, a mistress should be furnished a house and maybe a car, Even a hooker on the street gets a couple hundred dollars often to spread her legs for a guy, ( cheaper ones less I guess)

So put your relationship where it is, this is not love, has nothing to do with love, it is sex, he gets fun and excitement, what are you getting ?

awarkedmoments · Jun 6, 2012, 02:32 PM

Not at all we were always really close before anything happened and even when he moved to a different shop we would text ever day and now we are back working together we are just friends nothing els is going to happen but I just can't help but love him and want him guess I just have to get over the facted that its in the past and it shouldn't of happened def don't no what I would have done with out him he is the best friend I could ever ask for!

awarkedmoments · Jun 15, 2012, 02:25 PM

Just come back off holiday only spoke to him a little wile I was away I think its time to try and more on, I'm only getting hurt!

JudyKayTee · Jun 15, 2012, 02:27 PM

I think the day comes when we all realize one relationship or another is more hurt and less pleasure.

Time to move on.

awarkedmoments · Jun 15, 2012, 04:26 PM

I wish it was that easy.. easy for u to say but he plays a big part in my life

JudyKayTee · Jun 15, 2012, 04:27 PM

Maybe we'd have a different opinion if you expressed yourself more clearly and without text speak - which, by the way, is not supposed to be used on AMHD.

I know he plays a big part in your life. He also plays a big part in his wife's life.

Get the picture?

awarkedmoments · Jun 15, 2012, 04:29 PM

Really? When he is at work 6 days a week and works another job 3 nights a week n goes out the 4 nights so not much time with her at all.

JudyKayTee · Jun 15, 2012, 04:31 PM

Originally Posted by awarkedmoments

really?! when he is at work 6 days a week and works another job 3 nights a week n goes out the 4 nights so not much time with her at all.

How does this justify his relationship with you? Just curious. Let's see, no time for wife, time for you.

This is why young women should not date older men - apparently he's convinced you that his home life is terrible.

And you are young enough to believe him.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 15, 2012, 04:35 PM

But he is married to her, not you.
This is a man who messed around with you, then went on to marry someone else. That in itself ought to be enough to make getting this man out of your system easier.
He used you and then married someone else, then comes back in your life like nothing has happened. He took advantage of you and given the opportunity, will probably do it again.
It's time to put your big girl pants on and leave this creep alone. Make up your mind that you will not waste time over thoughts of him.

mmresd · Jun 15, 2012, 05:33 PM

If he is married, then he is off limits, stopped letting him play with your emotions and cut all ties with him.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 15, 2012, 05:51 PM

Originally Posted by mmresd

If he is married, then he is off limits, stopped letting him play with your emotions and cut all ties with him.

Exactly!

WisperWill70 · Jun 15, 2012, 11:16 PM

Yeah you're rationalizing that he's a "big part of your life" (because he's on your mind around the clock!! ) But he still doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, is married to someone else and just doesn't care about you the way you want him to. You have to face facts and see that you're only getting hurt. You can have other people (who DO want to be there for you) fulfill the roles of friend and partner/love relationship! Give others a chance.

"but he's my friend" is often a rationalization we tell ourselves to keep holding on to a dream that will never pay off.