[F][/font]I've been dating this guy for about 4 months now. We started out as great friends (we meet at work) who would tell each other everything...everything from who we were currently dating, who we liked at work, who we hooked up with last weekend, how great/horrible the sex we last had was...etc...he would often tell me about his ex girlfriends and how he has never once been able to have a serious relationship (he is 27 now) and how he has cheated on every single girl he has been with. Even his last "relationship," he was on and off with a girl for about and year or two, said she was cheating on him with her ex so he saw other girls on the side as well. So needless to say I knew a lot about him, from the start we had a great relationship and was always very honest with each other, we both found it great we could talk to someone of the opposite sex about love etc. About four months after we were friends we went to dinner together and he told me he was starting to have feelings for me...I realized I felt the same and it blossomed from there. We have been inseparable for about four months now. Spending ever spare minute together and every night together. It's been great for the most part but there are a few things I've started to question...I've had HORRIBLE relationships in the past and have gotten my heart crushed a few times so I'm very weary of new relationships...here's the basic DL of the situation:

We'll call my boyfriend Jake...He is one of the most wonderful guys I've ever dated. He really takes care of me...buys me flowers, takes me to dinner, pays for everything we do, etc...everyone loves him, he's always laughing and smiling and making jokes...always the center of the party so to say. I'm head over heels in love with him myself and he says the same about me. But we have some problems. One of the problems we have is that I am a pretty sensitive person, I get my feelings hurt easily and have a difficult time expressing my feelings, usually I just get frustrated and cry. Him on the other hand can be a tad insensitive and doesn't realize when he does or says hurtful things sometimes (not a good combo I know)...when I try to tell him as calmly as possible that he hurt me by saying this or etc he gets extremely angry. He says he doesn't want to have to "deal with this" and that he treats me better than any girl he's ever been with and I should "get over it." Every even small argument we have he "breaks up" with me. He says he never wants to argue and shouldn't have to (again) deal with this sort of thing. Every "relationship" he has had in the past, when things got a little tough, is when he would leave or he would go find another girl to be with. I tried to explain to him that no relationship is perfect and we will disagree from time to time but we need to talk it out. He will have none of it. For example, last weekend we were out of town visiting some of his friends. We were out drinking having a good time, when we decided to go back to our hotel room for a bit before going out again. This was about 1:30 am...I was exhausted and asked him if I could just stay in the room and he can go out with his friends. He got beyond angry at this. I couldn't figure out why! I couldn't help that I was so tired and never once said he had to stay with me. We've discussed before, and he even admits, that he has an anger issue...but because I didn't want to go back out, he wouldn't talk to me the rest of the night nor that next morning after I tried to apologize (even though I didn't feel I should have had to) again and again. This is just one example...we have an argument about three times a week or so and it's ALWAYS something VERY VERY small like this. Something that never should have been a problem or something we should argue about. Like I said, he has an anger issue and if something bothers him at all, he will make a big deal about it and he can hold a grudge like none other. I've tried to bring up some issues with him like this and again, he gets pissed off if I even try to talk about our problem..I always end up apologizing for even bringing anything up. But how will anything get better if we can't talk about things without him getting angry?!

The main thing lately is that he seems to be drifting...he used to dot on me like crazy. Texting sweet notes, surprising me with flowers, calling me just to say he was thinking about me...and we haven't been dating that long it seems like for this to all fade away. It's only been about four months. But I get none of that anymore...I haven't gotten flowers for about a month (he seriously used to get them for me every week for my desk at work), I'll go days without a sweet text during the day, never do I get phone calls (granted we are together more often now) just to say I love you, he used to tell me every single day how attracted he was to me he no longer does that. I just asked him today if something was wrong, if he still loved me and liked where this was going. He said yes rolled his eyes and actually got mad I even asked...so I did a horrible thing...I snooped in his phone...thinking maybe there was someone else...one thing I need to add is that he told me once that he has never been as honest with anyone as he has been with me and I completely believe that, BUT on another hand...he also told me once if he ever wanted to cheat on a girl she would never be able to find out because he gotten so good at it (I learned a lot about him while we were just friends!). So I always have that in the back of my head...he could probably be a great liar if he needed to be. Anyway- back to the phone...he has a good girlfriend he used to hook up with but then they went back to being friends. She lives out of state, but they talk a lot...I know she knows about me and she has a boyfriend as well...but I saw texts from them...he was asking her to send him pictures of her "tits" because he's forgetting what they look like. Agh! Just typing it I can't belive I read that...If I ask him about it I KNOW he would just say he was joking around with her. I'm 100% positive he would make light on it and say it's no big deal it was a joke etc...and honestly it might be...but the fact that he has a girlfriend and then talks like this to an old ex...I just don't think that should be happening even if it's a joke. It's just a million little things that are really killing me. I could go on and on about our problems and you may think then why am I still with him...but I love him sooooo much. Besides these problems we have so much fun together and we have a lot in common. And he still is great to me, he doesn't do all that he used to but he surprised me once in a blue moon...and he still always wants to spend time with me. That's how I know he's not cheating, we spend every night together...but I just don't want it to get to that point...if it's going that way. I always hear in my head, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" because what makes me different that he wont cheat on me like he has with every other girl he has been with?? I just need advice...someone to tell me this is normal everyone has problems it'll work it's way out...or even you just need to leave him before it gets that way. Any help would be great!!!

charlotte234s

Talk to him about how you feel and that you want him to pay more attention to you. Also talk to him about your problems and that you don't want them to escalate and that you guys can solve them if you work together and be strong. He may have cheated in the past, but that doesn't mean he'll cheat on you, however, be aware of his history, and if he cheats on you LEAVE HIM, it's a poor basis for a long-term relationship.