Ive been going out with this guy for nine months now. Our relationship is great, we are open and honest with each other and really enjoy each others company. Last week we had a drunken argument and he sent me home in a taxi. He had also lost his phone which i was unaware of the next day and when i was texting and phoning him i thought he was just being an arse. I thought he was ignoring me, so i didnt call anymore until i got fed up and phoned him a couple of days later. He thought i had been partying all weekend and had not been thinking about him and because he was mad he said we were over but to my relief he phoned back and said we would give it another go.

That was all fine until this weekend. Where he told me he was going out with his friends. I phoned him on the saturday and he ignored me from that phone call till i phoned him on monday, he also said he was coming up on sunday. I know it seems petty but we werent like this, he used to call every day, even if he was drinking. I dont know if he ignored me just to spite me because of what happened the week before or if he is trying to just end the relationship in a subtle way but surely he would have stuck to his guns the week before if he did not wish to be with me.

anyway, my being childish, i told him it was over.

Im 20 and he's 23 if that helps.

Is it worth phoning and making amends or should i stick to my guns. I dont know if i'm simply just being childish, i do really love him and i know its hard breaking up with someone, i just dont want to throw away a good thing for nothing.

Kijana

You should be open and honest with this guy. If you want things back the way they were then it isn't going to happen unless you start back doing what you were doing when things were great between you two.

If you really love him as you say then stick your neck out and just be open with him. You need to make yourself vulnerable if you are going to have any chance. Apologize for what you may have done to hurt or offend him and if he has any hear tat all he will not slam the door in your face. If you believe in God you have even more ammunition to work with. Pray before you make any move towards your beau and accept whatever happens.

You seem like a nice girl so don't worry about outcome just focus on doing the right thing. Don't play games just be mature and honest.

450donn

As you have just discovered drinking is not a good thing. A drunken fight, probably over nothing, has blown out of proportions and is not putting your relationship in jeopardy. Maybe it is time to stop drinking and focus on establishing a stable relationship.

JBeaucaire

My advice is that you start over with someone new and do a better job than you did with this guy. I believe that is the path to success for you.

But as to your actual question regarding amends, I'd say YES. Go ahead. But with a slightly different tack.

You make amends not to gain anything yourself, but to impart a truly sincere message of "I'm sorry." I mean don't apologize just to get him back, that's selfish and he may just view it that way and it results in things being worse.

I mean apologize for his benefit and ask for nothing in return except his forgiveness. You need to couple this with an official recognition that things are over between you. This is critical. You are apoligizing to heal wounds. If you did wrong by someone, you make amends. You ask for nothing back.

"John, I want you to know how truly sorry I am about how things ended between us. For my part in this I can only ask that you forgive me. I know things weren't going well for us and I didn't do much to make it better. I hope you'll forgive me. Just because you and I don't work as a couple doesn't mean we have to be enemies. Please consider forgiving my bad behavior and at least salvaging our friendship which I think is most important of all. Your friend....Butterfly"

Hand deliver this to him, no emails or text messages. Perhaps on his dashboard or something. The point here is a BRIEF sincere apology. Do not let your note become a love letter.

Now, after you reestablish your friendship, who knows what will happen between you in the future.

darkxflutterby

Thanks guys, your advice was great xxxx

f104

I would start talking about the feelings. For example: When you don't respond to my calls I feel you that you don't like me.

Would also get away from calling each other every day and that will help to build trust over time.