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Should i forgive him and pretend it never happened?
I am living with my boyfriend of two and half years and i have just discovered him on dating and sexual websites. Now he has done this before and he swears that it is only fun, in a internet porn kind of way.
However, i have just moved to another country for him and i do not know anyone here other than his immediate family. I also have nowhere else to go here. I dont have the money to rent a place by myself.
i feel quite betrayed by him now, and despite previous promises feel really lied to.
do i sit back and just accept that he needs this form of stimulation (despite us having a healthy sex life) or do i end things with him?
Its more socially acceptable now for women to do it then it was years back.
I dont think there needs to be an arguement over the rights and wrongs of porn. The thread is for ibupenyu and how she feels and how she should deal with her situation. Maybe you should start a thread of your own on this because I am sure it would be very interesting.
wow, it really seems I have touched a cord into you. From what I read, it seems that one of the major problem that you are having porn is a lack of confidence. It could make sense, men would be looking at porn all the time, imagining what the perfect women should be, and most of the women out there wouldn't come close to that, which hence would create a sense of insecurity.
The truth couldn't be further than that. Male and female have fantasies and more and more women are looking at porn and being more open sexually. I don't see any moral problem with that. Most men understand that what they see in porn films isn't what they want in life, we are not simple animals.
What about concentrating on real cheating and the incredible rate of divorce in modern society? What about spouse abuse? I find there is more pressing problem than porn. The women in the porn industry are paid and most are enjoying themselves, and the men watching it are not hurting anyone. If women don't feel insecure then I would suggest opening up a bit.
You're just rationalizing it. Did you even read those links?
Sex is supposed to be between two people who love eachother. It's a very intimate experience. Pornography devalues the intimacy of sex in general, turning it into a casual thing. Sex is special. You don't give it to someone randomly if you have good morals and self respect. Mistakes happen, but to turn it into something that means nothing, means that one can have sex with anyone, even while they're in a relationship, because it isn't special or intimate.
If sex didn't mean naything, no one would be upset when someone they loved had sex with someone else, because it doesn't matter.
You're just rationalizing it. Did you even read those links?
Sex is supposed to be between two people who love eachother. It's a very intimate experience. Pornography devalues the intimacy of sex in general, turning it into a casual thing. Sex is special. You don't give it to someone randomly if you have good morals and self respect. Mistakes happen, but to turn it into something that means nothing, means that one can have sex with anyone, even while they're in a relationship, because it isn't special or intimate.
If sex didn't mean naything, no one would be upset when someone they loved had sex with someone else, because it doesn't matter.
Tried to greenie you again.
Your so right. Porn just puts less value on love and sex. Trust me.
Good answer.
You're just rationalizing it. Did you even read those links?
Sex is supposed to be between two people who love eachother. It's a very intimate experience. Pornography devalues the intimacy of sex in general, turning it into a casual thing. Sex is special. You don't give it to someone randomly if you have good morals and self respect. Mistakes happen, but to turn it into something that means nothing, means that one can have sex with anyone, even while they're in a relationship, because it isn't special or intimate.
If sex didn't mean naything, no one would be upset when someone they loved had sex with someone else, because it doesn't matter.
Let us agree to disagree and put an end to it. I agree with you that sex is something special and it is intimate but I disagree with a wide range of things, such as saying that someone doesn't have morals when they give to someone "randomly" ( in that case you probably mean one nighter ). I also disagrees that porn devalues intimacy of sex. I have my own opinion and you have yours.
Mind you, I am very open minded but I have dated a girl for 3 years and it's the only girl I had sex with. I'm not into one night even though I know I can have them, I have good looks but I would respect the decision of people doing it and I would try not to judge them, because nowadays it is so easy to judge someone else.
1. Why was he seeking these internet dating sites? Perhaps lack of emotional connection w/ you? Ask
2. Are you tolerant of him viewing porn? If not why does he say both are just for fun? Not enough sexual activity going on in the bedroom?
3. How long have you been there? It takes some time to get situated but, thereafter its time you go out and let people know in the area who you are? Make a few loyal friends you can confide in and depend on if ur worried about being alone.
4. Was you moving out there, you yielding to the need to be with him? The efoort has to be mutual; it seems as if you up and left everything. WHat has he done for you since then to prove you made the right choice?
5. He needs to be punished. make sure after discussing what the cause of his behavior is and what not that you dont just forgive and forget. You let him off the hook too easy the first time, as those are serious crimes in a commited relationship.
m a guy and from wat i believe i think u shud 4give him..da first question is did u trust him before u found out about his porn site affiliations? if yes den u know dat he loves u n its a part of his fun life to see how many women wud love 2 go out wid him..i also m a member of these sites n well my gf doesnt mind cos she knows dat id neva cheat on her or betray her...we like to test our temptations...if he didnt go out wid any1 of them den u shud be happy cos he didnt cheat on u..he just didnt tell u cos he didnt want 2 hurt ur feelings or create a gap in ur relationship..so 4give him..life is too short n things like this shudnt be a reason to cause a breakup...
m a guy and from wat i believe i think u shud 4give him..da first question is did u trust him before u found out about his porn site affiliations? if yes den u know dat he loves u n its a part of his fun life to see how many women wud love 2 go out wid him..i also m a member of these sites n well my gf doesnt mind cos she knows dat id neva cheat on her or betray her...we like to test our temptations...if he didnt go out wid any1 of them den u shud be happy cos he didnt cheat on u..he just didnt tell u cos he didnt want 2 hurt ur feelings or create a gap in ur relationship..so 4give him..life is too short n things like this shudnt be a reason to cause a breakup...
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