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Should i forgive him and pretend it never happened?
I am living with my boyfriend of two and half years and i have just discovered him on dating and sexual websites. Now he has done this before and he swears that it is only fun, in a internet porn kind of way.
However, i have just moved to another country for him and i do not know anyone here other than his immediate family. I also have nowhere else to go here. I dont have the money to rent a place by myself.
i feel quite betrayed by him now, and despite previous promises feel really lied to.
do i sit back and just accept that he needs this form of stimulation (despite us having a healthy sex life) or do i end things with him?
well you do know that a dis-agree should ONLY
be given when the FACTS are wrong and not opinion based?
keep it REAL
The facts are wrong, not all guys look at porn, it's NOT a normal thing. Most of the guys that I've known or still know, as in like 95%, dont' look at porn. It's fine to be curious about it a couple of times, but a habit is not healthy.
The facts are wrong, not all guys look at porn, it's NOT a normal thing. Most of the guys that I've known or still know, as in like 95%, dont' look at porn. It's fine to be curious about it a couple of times, but a habit is not healthy.
that may be a fact to you
can you prove it.
really dont give a disagree unless its factualy based or you will not make friends fast
I will put it to you this way the last reddie I got was from a expert and it came when i was telling someone new that had posted in introductions a family law question and i told them I THINK its this but i will request your post get moved and I got a reddie on it>>
srious think twice before you do it
no-one wants to pull up a profile and see that red dot next to a reply
The facts are wrong, not all guys look at porn, it's NOT a normal thing. Most of the guys that I've known or still know, as in like 95%, dont' look at porn. It's fine to be curious about it a couple of times, but a habit is not healthy.
Well that is your judgment based on your experience. First of all, there is nothing wrong watching at porn and I believe you are being way too uptight about it. It's a natural thing to watch porn and masturbate as all humans have natural needs. Besides there is difference between not telling you and the truth as they may be ashamed. I don't really understand your argument about why it is wrong to watch porn as long as it is not an addiction.
and thus the argument continues
I could say to you that looking at porn and masturbating is an addiction,and I could pull up material to prove it,but back to the op
this guy wasnt looking at porn and spanking it,he was chatting,he was exchanging info?
do you still want to defend him?
If it's 'natural" then it would be nothing to be ashamed of, and there would be no reason to hide it.
If it was a "right" thing to do, then why would anyone get upset over it in the first place?
It's not Good and it shows little value in people and respect for the one you love, especially if you are with someone.
And just because it may be "natrual" does not mean it's right. I'm not talking about masturbating.
Lot's of people smoke, but it does't mean it's healthy and that it most definitely wont hurt their body.
It's just like that old saying, "if your friends jumped off of a bridge. would you do it?"
"Whether it is disclosed or discovered, learning of a spouse’s pornography consumption and/or online sexual activity is devastating. Many spouses report that finding out about this kind of activity is just as painful, if not more so, than learning of a real-life affair. Subsequently, it is common for an intense range of emotions to follow the disclosure or discovery of online sexual activity. For example, many spouses feel rage, embarrassment, shame, sadness, isolation, loss, confusion, intense hurt, and betrayal. These feelings are normal reactions to very hurtful events that have violated the trust and exclusivity of the relationship, as well as damaged the martial bond on many levels."
wow, it really seems I have touched a cord into you. From what I read, it seems that one of the major problem that you are having porn is a lack of confidence. It could make sense, men would be looking at porn all the time, imagining what the perfect women should be, and most of the women out there wouldn't come close to that, which hence would create a sense of insecurity.
The truth couldn't be further than that. Male and female have fantasies and more and more women are looking at porn and being more open sexually. I don't see any moral problem with that. Most men understand that what they see in porn films isn't what they want in life, we are not simple animals.
What about concentrating on real cheating and the incredible rate of divorce in modern society? What about spouse abuse? I find there is more pressing problem than porn. The women in the porn industry are paid and most are enjoying themselves, and the men watching it are not hurting anyone. If women don't feel insecure then I would suggest opening up a bit.
This is a heated topic for me. I am a wife of a man who lied and did porn for seven years. Over and over I found out and he lied and I still found out. It was a cycle. I had no problem looking with him or doing whatever he wanted. I am very open minded. But he made the choice to keep a lie and secret. Bad choice. It has put this wedge between us that can never be closed.
I think its an individual choice, porn or not. If men are single well rock on and have a good time in your sites. But when your involved with someone else and there are real feelings involved you need to consider this and how she might feel. Some women may be ok with it while others are not. But it should never be a secret.
If your in a relationship and are visiting dating sites then your just looking and setting yourself up to cheat. That simple. If your happy and love the one your with there would be no "browsing" dating sites.
I think if this was the first offense give him he chance to try again. Atleast give him the chance. If he fails, well so be it and make the decision to move on.
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