I Am A Christian Women (51) I've Been Dating A Christian Man (52) For 10 Months, I Have Decided Not To Marry For 6 Years Or When My Children Are Finished With High School. My Problem Is That He Gave Me A Promise Ring And We Had Sex... Now I'm Feeling Guilty That I Didn't Obey God And Wait The 6 Years... I Need Help.....

I NEED A CHRISTIAN ANSWER

talaniman

As I read it you promised not to marry for 6 years, the rest is up to you so don't worry. Putting your kids first is admirable, but sex is between the two of you.

Tuscany

I agree with Tal. Waiting until your children are done with school is admirable. It is nice that you do not want to disrupt their lives, and so on and so forth. But, sex is something between you and your fiancee, not involving your children.

On a side note, if you are worried about premarital sex in the eyes of God don't worry.
I am not sure what religon you are, but I am catholic. When my husband and I met with our church's nun, so told us that the church has altered their opinion on premarital sex. While they still done condone it, they accept it when the two parties involved are committed to each other, to marriage, or to some day starting a family. My aunt who is also a nun has also said the same thing. For PreCana there is even a whole new section of the day devoted to couples who cohabitated together prior to becoming engaged.

krittengirl

I think that the last 2 posts do not quite understand where you are coming from, do they. Wether you had a promise ring or not, wether a certain church says so or not, wether you are going to get married next week or in 6 years -it doesn't matter. What matters is that God said not to have sex outside of marriage and you did. This is a sin like any other. God doesn't rate sins as to their severity. You know what you did was wrong, that isn't the problem. I think that what you are forgetting is that when we truly repent of our sins He always forgives. Once you are forgiven you are clean once more.
I would encourage you to recommit to each other and then find someone you can trust to hold you accountable. Choose someone who will really hold you to it. A Pastor or a person in your church who you can tell is really committed to serving God and is trustworthy is a good place to start. Don't be embarrassed to talk with someone. Pastor's have seen it before and mature Christians know that we all sin.
If you are not involved with a local church you need to start. It is extremely important for every Christian to have fellowship with other believers. And try not to give you and your Fiance' opportunities to be alone in private areas. If you don't put yourselves in temptation's way, you will be less likely to give in.

lost15

I think the last answer was a little harsh. Religion is a truly personal relationship, and should be between you and God alone!

The bible preaches no sex before marriage, but you have to remember, that it is a book of information that was passed down from generation to generation before it was ever recorded, and even after that it has been translated many times. Whose to say what marriage was defined as in the original meaning, as far as I am concerned, it is when you commit your life to another, and it sounds like you have. The thing to remember here is nothing is black and white, it is in the shades of grey that we find compassion and understanding.

What is truly important here is how you feel about the suitation, if you feel you have done wrong, or damaged your relationship with God, then sure repent and be absolved. But if you feel like the commitment you have made to your partner is strong and valid as a marriage, and he in turn feels the same, then there is no wrong here. God wanted us to love, support and care for each other. Sex is something to be taken seriously as an ultimate expression of love and commitment to another, and it sounds like thats what has happened here, and if so you have nothing to be sorry for.
'The greatest thing you ever learn is just to love and be loved in return'

Tuscany

Kritten I think you need to talk to your Pastor. While the Bible did say no sex before marriage, it also states that sex should only be used as a means for reproduction and that birth control is wrong. However, we know that using birth control saves lives, that many very dedicated Christians have sex for the enjoyment of having sex. And yes Katty girl the church is changing its views on premarital sex, on cohabitation prior to marriage, and birth control. Don't forget that times change, and the bible is a literary work written many many years ago. As times change, so can the interpretation of the bible. My Aunt is a nun, a very dedicated one, and she would be more than happy to talk to you about the changes that the church has undergone not just in the United States, but even right at the Vatican.

Furthermore, good Christians can be just that without going to church. A good Christian can have a healthy relationship with their God, without ever stepping foot into a church. I know some early mornings when I am out walking my dogs I feel God is with me more there than any time I have been at church. Worshiping your God is personal and different for every person.

Krs

To me you seem like a genuinely very nice person, who is putting her children first. I admire that of you

However, you are also entitled to be happy.
In my eyes you have done nothing bad, and God doesnt judge.

Ok, you had sex, but you had sex with a man who respects you, loves you.

Im a catholic, and i also had pre-martial sex with the man i am now married too.
It may be agaisnt the churchs wishs, however you are commited to eachother and God knows that

talaniman

To me your personal relationship with the GOD of your understanding, supersedes any edict or tradition of any church. Maybe the key for you now would be to solidify that very personal relationship.

EnglishRose

I know that I am not a devote christian but I really think that you have not committed a sin at all. It isn't like you have had a one night stand with a stranger (This would be a personal decision to make and noone should judge doing so), you have made love to the man you wish to spend the rest of your life with. Your religion tells you this is a sin but you have to decide how you wish to see out dated rules like this. If we all still waited for marriage these days we would have to forfit our own happiness in more important ways. Not to mention if we followed Catholic rules on homosexuality and contraception then we would force people into situations they were deeply unhappy about. You are not an irresponsible child you are an adult and are grown up enough to make these decisions for yourself. The whole point of being a Christian in my eyes is not to judge others or harm them. Therefore your life is your own to do as you wish, it is too short to waste worrying.
However, does this mean that you are not going to live with your partner for the whole six years to keep your children happy?

vchavez104

thank you for your answer, as a christian the bible tells us not to give into temptation and we should have self control. Also, that while we live in the world, we are not of the world. I've waited this long because, I came out of a divorce where cps removed my husband, because one of my foster/adopted child said he molested him. All my children are foster /adopted children and I hate to upset their lives any further. But with that said, I'm having a hard time commiting to any relationship.. I was married for 20 years.. .. I'm confused.. I just confused