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This is a question for the guy's... but ladies can answer as well.
The guy i am seeing was drinking a few night's ago...he was saying stuff like, "the only reason i have not gone back home is because of you ( me )...because i was there for him . I asked him "Yes or no" do you want this relationship? He hesitated and then said, "You are my honnies and i could not just turn my back on you when i knew you liked me...and ( again ) you are the only girl i have met in Canada that has been there for me...he never did answer yes or no...
How should i take this? Is he only with me out of obligation? Or because of feelings he may have towards me...i thought he "liked" me...now i am not sure. Can anyone give me some advice on how to understand this conversation?
He came to Canada from Germany 15 years ago...so he did not come here for me...just say's that i am the reason he is still here now.
Psycho - no...but he can get pretty stupid when he drinks....
Well, since I have said a lot of strange things while drinking, you might want to take his words with a grain of salt. But the fact that he didn't give you a straight answer but told you that he would almost feel sorry for you if he decided to leave makes me wonder. You might want to reevaluate the relationship if you feel he is just staying with you out of pity. And also try to talk to him while he is sober. Talk to him about what he said and see what he has to say.
I think you need to have this conversation with him before he starts drinking. If he has been there 15 years and says your the reason he stays tells me he was plastered and not thinking about what he was saying hehehe.
The big question is how does he treat you. Does he make you feel like th especial lady you are. Do you find yourself wanting to do special little things for him just to be sweet. Does he give you more then he receives.
When people drink it tends to bring the truth out and in the open. I would say that many people from different cultures have different ways of thinking about things or even different morals. So this might be only a concern for you but not him.
Good questions from above. How does he treat you? If he treats you well and you are good with each other. Maybe this is just a difference in culture???
I do lots of little things. From making him coffee in the morning to supper at night.
He treats me fairly well...slightly jealous, does'nt like me talking to other men or via-versa. He holds my hand, cuddles with me, almost everything a guy in a relationship is supposed to, except he rarely compliments me, i do all the yard and house work, he helps if i ask, and our sex life is minimal... 1-2 a month...most of the time he has usually been drinking...other than that, i can walk around naked and it does'nt seem to interest him. I think we have been intamate while he has been sober maybe 4 outta 10 ( on a scale ).
I mostly start things...when i am not shut down first.
He treats me ok...i guess...i think i do more for him than he does me...i cook, clean, do yard work +...he holds me and cuddle with me at night, but the sex part is almost nill...1-2 a month IF he is not too stressed...usually he has been drinking when we are intamate...I am 5'7, long br. hair with blnd high-lights, hazel eye's, and am 137lbs...i can walk around naked and it does'nt bother him...so ....what do you's think? Pitty or love?
Well, here is my take on things, from both your original post and what follows.
I think that your guy has what he wants and you appear to be unhappy with it. He is having fun, drinking, has a supportive gal with no demands or apparent needs. He isn't expected to do any of the things that shows/expresses love in a relationship (ie: giving compliments, intimacy, sharing household responsibilites, etc. He obviously drinks way more that you would find acceptable, but, for whatever reason, you accept it.
Why would he leave Canada? You say you are supportive, caring, loving, you carry most of the responsibilities, you don't put demands upon him for sobriety, respect, affection and intimacy, etc. In my opiniion, he sure as heck isn't there because he loves you, so I hope that isn't where your head is at.
It appears you have accepted less than love and now you are questioning why it isn't there. I am sure he does like you and he is not there out of a sense of obligation. In fact, from what you have written I think a sense of obligation is the furthest thing from the truth. I think he's there because it's easy. He likes you, sure.
Why did he hesitate in his response? My take on it is that he doesn't feel a strong and lasting bond to you and when you asked him that he wanted to carefully word his response so as to not rock the boat OR give you a false sense that he was in love with you.
I may be wrong, but that is my opinion based upon what you have written. I just don't get a sense of 'love' or forever out of this at all.
I also question why you feel so little respect for yourself that you would allow yourself to be 'used' this way. You should love yourself enough to refuse to engage in sex with someone who doesn't seem to want you unless he's been drinking! I don't know, to me, it seems like you have a very poor self-image and this guy feeds off of it.
I really feel sorry that you have no sense of what it is to feel loved and respected! I think you can do a lot better.
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