Me and a married man.

Here is something to run with: quit playing around with a married man. That is absolute garbage!
Fact 1: Your looks don't matter
Fact 2: Your being 'in shape' does not matter
Fact 3: Your health doesn't matter

Fact 4: You and your children matter. Messing around with a married man is extremely poor character. I don't care how much he hates his marriage. He took a vow, an oath, and you are involved with him. No, no..wait, you want to marry him right? You want to get involved with a man who is cheating on his wife?

I don't mean to sound harsh, but this is just insanity...

Let me put this gently. You are technically a mistress, and mistresses always want the man to get a divorce. They don't.

You need to cope by doing something. Keep yourself busy, sure it won't reflect the pain away from you, but it'll keep you busy to the point where you'll not have time to mope around.

It's hard to even attept at being a mistress never mind maintaining the status. But do you really want to be known as the woman that's a homewrecker? No, you have your OWN reputation as well as that families reputation to worry about.

That 13 year old child will lose respect for his/her father. And you'll be partly to blame. So next time you even think about going after a married man, give yourself a pinch, do be the one he sucked in because he's not satisfied with someone he's not going to divorce and leave.

Take care of yourself, because that's inflicting pain upon yourself. Maybe not purposefully but none the less.

-Absolute

There are some things you need to think about, if you haven't already. Your children should be your first priority. What kind of message are you sending to them? Have you taken time away from them to see this man? Etc. Your relationship cannot take priority over the welfare of your children or his.

That said, what are your intentions? You want him to leave his wife and marry you? Be with you? Live with you and your kids? Be a father to them? Maybe you're swept away by the romance of the whole ordeal but before you both go destroying your current lives, consider what the future could possibly hold for you. Is it really worth him uprooting his entire life just to be with you?

My advice? If having a sexual and emotional relationship with this man has been beneficial to you and your life, then continue to do it. If he does not want to leave his wife and the life he knows just to give himself over fully to you, that is his choice. He does not have to leave his wife to find release and enjoyment in having a relationship with you. If you are both better off for having this relationship in addition to your current lives, keep doing it.

But if you find that this relationship has brought more trouble than benefits, break it off. If you find that continuing this relationship would make his life hell (whether that means leaving his wife or continuing to cheat on her), break it off. If you think the risk to your children and his is too great, break it off. And get over it. And stop being so vain and self-centered.

Love doesn't conquer all. You can love someone to the skies and that doesn't mean you should be together. Sometimes life is ty that way.

I have a question for you: Why is it that every fitness instructor, personal trainer, gym owner, exercise buff (male AND female) has such low self-esteem, and can't manage to develop, find, hang onto or seek for a psychologically healthy, stable, trust-worthy, respectable partner with whom they can engage in a long-term relationship?

Any person male or female, who is married, is off-limits. He will not leave his wife, and she will not leave her husband. You already know that, so why did you choose to get involved?

Any man that cheats on his wife (regardless of the state of their marriage) is a dirtball in my book.

If he had integrity he would divorce his wife. Instead he wants the perks of being married and the thrill of cheating.

He isn't worth the misery he will eventually put you through.

Dear Granolagodess.

You have 3 children under 6 years of age? How can you possibly have time to date and sleep with a man? Especially a married man. Leave the men and your dating life alone for now, and please please please spend some time with your children. You don't have to give up on the dream of meeting someone and falling in love, but now may not be the best time to be so focused on a relationship - a relationship based on cheating and betrayal. You can love him all you want, but your actions indicate poor judgement. Your priorities are in the wrong order.

I appreciate the replies and understand all of your points. I do need to make myself clear about somethings:
1) I will and have always put my children first, this is not even a option - they are my world!
2) I only mentioned my looks because this was my way at saying " I have a choice of have other eligible single men, and I'm waiting on this (married?) one!"
3) I keep myself busy at the gym (when I don't have my kids) so that I won't have to "think" so much!
3) I am not looking for marriage or a serious relationship right now, just a awesome guy I can hang out with that enjoys the same things I do and is passionate about things in general.

Please, don't beat me up for asking the last two questions (Has a serious relationship ever come out from seeing someone that is married? How can I cope with moving on?) ... I'm reaching out, hoping to hear how I can deal with moving on... I haven't talked to him in 5 days and don't plan on returning any of his calls. To say I am hurt and depleted is an understatement! And can't do this any more! I know this is a life lesson, one that I will not again fall prey to... Its just too painful to take.

You can move on just like you did with any other break-up you dealt with in the past. Do things that you enjoy, hang out with friends, etc. You have young kids at home so that should keep you busy.

When thoughts of him enter your mind think of something else. Him being married should help you because when you think of him think of that fact and in the future be wiser to who you give your heart too because that is something you can control.

I am not going bash you because at least you recongize your wrong and learned your lesson and hopefully don't repeat the same mistake in the future. Just go on with your life and one day your meet a single guy that deserves you and who will treat you well.

I agree with what liz28 had to say and would like to add that you have to look at him as if he is off limits because in fact he is. He is someone else's heart and until they split up you shouldn't put any of your eggs in that basket. It belongs to someone else. If you don't mind waiting, then don't move on, but stop contacting him until he completes his divorce. What could your husband have done to you that resulted in a divorce... Adultery? This is a bad situation that is only going to get worse and I say worse because you could truly waste a number of years behind this. Let it go. It won't be easy, but put yourself in his wife's shoes.... And get mad about it. P.s. I don't want to hear that his wife doesn't mind. It's not okay.