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Me and my ex dated for almost 4 years she called it quits!
Me and my ex girlfriend dated for almost 4 years and she recently broke it off with me almost 2 months ago now..when she came to me with it i was really shocked she didnt want to talk about what we could do to work on things that for the month and half previous we started having more little fights that were really over nothing and i think we kind of drifted apart...and now she says i treated her like crap and shes not interested in getting back together with me no matter what i say or do to tell her i want to work it out ive never been in more pain in my life...but whatever i say its not good enough.......i asked her how she could just walk out of my life my families life and she said you make me out to be the bad guy..and could i imagine what she must have felt to just walk away and that if i felt that she just walked away that it further proved how much i took her for granted......well since we broke up shes been drinking and smoking shes been so drunk at times shes blacked out or puked are those typical in someone who is ok with moving on...i mean im not ok with it and i really havent gone to drinking at all but it still hurts so bad sometimes.. so it makes me question what this is really all about..i know im not perfect and i sometimes said some things that i shouldnt have but for the most part i was always there for her with family things and just hangin out with her ive apologised for the things i did wrong and i feel like ive suffered enough ......im feeling so lost right now life is so wierd without her...i dont get how she can be so strong through it and me so weak...unless the reason she appears that way is because of the heavy drinking.... i just dont know what to do i cant get away from her because shes always around our group you can imagine in four years we are all pretty tight..i know she doesnt have anyone else and when we talk its always friendly although when we talk she is usually drunk... she ignores most of my texts too.....i really want her back and i just want to work through this thing but she doesnt want to..........what should i take from this i havent been able to get through a day without thinking about her alot and trying to talk to her anyway i can..........is there any hope of getting back together with her? HELP IM GOING CRAZY HERE
One of the things that probably happened here, is she had probably had made up her mind to leave long before she did.
You would have not seen it coming because it would have taken some time. Perhaps every argument in the recent past just convinced her more and more to leave, and you were inadvertently hanging yourself without even knowing it.
But whatever she needed to be sure of what she needed to do, she already had. She was emotionally used to the idea, psychologically ready to go, and when she finally told you, she had already been 'gone' for some time.
You probably didn't have a chance, she kept her agenda to herself.
It particularly hurts when things are so wrong, and she is feeling like ending the relationship, that she doesn't tell you about it. Let you know that she is that unhappy, or reach out and communicate her needs. But she chose not to.
She is long past the point you are at right now. She's out partying and having a great time, and is over you as far as she's concerned.
As the others have said, get rid of all the contact methods, and accept that it is over. The hurt you are going through now, as painful as it is, will help you realize and accept this chapter of your life is now closed.
When you think about her, go find something else to do. call a friend, see if he wants to hang out. go out for pizza, go see movies, if you're into games have game nights. find ways to have fun. You're going to have a harder time getting over her if you have too much idle time.
I 100% agree with the previous advice though and as Jake said it sounds like she was ready to walk away before she actually did. It probably wasn't easy for her, but she did it. It sounds like that was the best thing for you both if you argued so much toward the end. That's a pretty good indication that things are over.
This isn't 4 years wasted by the way, this is a learning experience. Hang in there! You'll be fine and in the meantime you can talk to us.
How does drowning oneself in a bottle equal strength. Support yourself and you will strong enough to support others. Look to her for the value and the strength of the relationship and you won't have balance. It requires two people looking reality dead straight on to balance things. When you grab a pen and piece of paper write down things you could have done differently. This will put it into prospective. For the next relationship, whether it be rekindling things with her or someone else, learn and focus on learning rather than simply having someone back into the same situation. If she is unhealthy it could potential burden both of you. The same goes for you. -- Be well, EM
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