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ragmuff · Apr 2, 2007, 03:05 PM

I just need to know how to get over my love for a married man which is now the father of my children? We had a 7 yr relationship but have continued to be friends although life and circumstances caused us to part ways. Well, after 3 yrs of being apart (although stayed in touch) I moved back to the state where he resides to see if things would be back the way it used to be. Well, to my dismay it appears that he doesn't want to get into any kind of relationship because he is working on getting divorced from current wife. He is overly stressed by his situation at home and now that I'm back and expecting things to be peachy cream with us, I too am contributing to his stress. I know his feelings has changed for me but over the years I was never able to get over him and my feelings remained the same although I moved away and even went as far as to marry another man. Well, at the end of the day I still found myself wanting to be back with this man and now that I moved back and see that it appears to be over as far as he's concerned I can't seem to truly move on nor get over him. What do I do? Every time I say I'm not going to call I find myself thinking of anything to be able to call and hear his voice. I truly need to move on because it is too much hurt and pain for me to accept us not being together. How do I do this and stick to it?? :confused:

Fr_Chuck · Apr 2, 2007, 03:23 PM

What did you do those years away ? You need to get other friends and do things in life, make new friends date other people.

The issue of course is that you should not have got started with someone who was not free, and it should be even more obvious that you were not that important to him but merely a side distraction while he was not home, Most likely he is leaving his wife now for perhaps someone else you don't know about, or perhaps his wife found out about his affairs and is leaving him.

What you need to do do is make sure you are getting child support from him for your children you have together so he is doing his responsibility.

ragmuff · Apr 2, 2007, 03:38 PM

Well, in the 3 yrs that I was gone I tried moving on and got remarried. Well, my feelings for my kids father never changed even after I married another man. When we met we were both married so we worked with that. He is a great father and already takes care of the kids and when we were together before, he was the man that I felt was truly my soulmate (I still do). I don't know if there's only suppose to be 1 person in your life to make you feel this way or it's a once in a lifetime deal, I ask because I have never felt this way about any other guy that I've been with. Well, his wife already knows about the affair and our kids because he still takes care of them and he keeps them at his house on a regular basis. She certainly isn't the type to leave him because she's known about how he was for a very long time and she still takes true to not leaving. I don't think he would be moving out to be with someone else because he made it clear that he wanted to be alone and just have his kids in his life. Anyway, I just want to be with him and I'm catching hell trying to figure out how do I accept the fact that he doesn't want to get back involved at least right now. I've said again today that I'm going to move on but yet I've called twice.

talaniman · Apr 3, 2007, 09:55 PM

Tough position to be in, as you will always be tied to him by children . I think you need to accept the situation, and start to build a life that you enjoy for yourself. At least you will have something that is yours and makes you happy. Lot of work ahead , but you can do this and stop depending on him to make you happy, and waste your life hoping he comes to you.

grammadidi · Apr 3, 2007, 10:29 PM

I think you should consider therapy to figure out why you are allowing your happiness to be dictated by your feelings for a man instead of being able to make yourself happy. I truly believe that if you make an honest effort to get past this you can.

There are a few things here that you should explore. Why would you get involved and keep a 7 year relationship with a married man? Why would you get involved with anyone if YOU were married? Why would you marry someone if you were still in love with him? Why would you have children with a man who was married to someone else? I am not judging you... I just think that there is something far deeper here. You seem to be setting yourself up to be unhappy.

You deserve far more, and quite frankly, your kids need to see a more well-rounded view of what love and marriage is, or they will follow in your footsteps. A therapist can help you figure out why you keep saboutaging your attempts to be happy and set yourself up in situations that are doomed for failure.

This man does not love you. It's time to move on.

Good luck!

Didi

bailey629 · Apr 4, 2007, 04:46 AM

You will always be tied together because of your child, but that does not mean that you have to be with him. First of all, he was married when you got involved with him. That does not make him the best candidate for commitment. You have been gone seven years and he never made a move to make it work with you and your child. You are better than that. Move on - for you and your child's sake