Lost in love

kc lynn · #1 Jun 9, 2006, 09:23 PM

Hello, i'm in need of help.. I have a boyfriend of 6 months and we are so happy we are togather. Suddenly this week my boyfriend acts all depressed. I ask him whats wrong. He says we don't see alot of eachother. I know we don't see alot of eachother cause we are sooo BUSY. When he calls he always sooo depressed and it makes me sad. I don't want him to brake up with me because we don't see eachother. I need help!!!!!

Sincerely
Lost in Love

CaptainForest · Jun 9, 2006, 09:42 PM

While some couples that have been together for years on end might love not seeing each other, it is usually not that good for new relationships.

To have a relationship, one of the key ingredients is time to invest.

When you are too busy for a relationship, it makes it kind of difficult to have one.

When you don’t see the other person much, it is hard for a new relationship (6 months) to survive.

It is one thing if you go into it with the mind set of not seeing each other much, but most of the time that’s not the case.

He obviously wants a gf that he can see.

If your lives are just so busy to fit each other in, perhaps its not the right time for you 2 to be together.

kc lynn · Jun 9, 2006, 09:50 PM

so are you saying we should brake up or to continue this great relationship??

CaptainForest · Jun 9, 2006, 11:22 PM

What I am saying is that if you aren't willing to make more of an effort in your BUSY schedule for you bf, then you should break up.

Well, it sounds like he will break up with you.

If you want to keep this bf, then you will need to make time for him. Make him a higher priority than he currently is on your list.

valinors_sorrow · Jun 10, 2006, 06:56 AM

I am going to have to disagree with the posts here. You are not the "fix" to his depression. He needs to get to the bottom of it - and I would bet that "not seeing enough of you" is not it. Or if it is and you see more of him, you just set the pattern for future manipulations, in my humble opinion. Encourage him to talk about it more, to look in all the nooks and crannies, to discover the root. Its his problem after all. If its a matter of you have a life and he doesn't, then it will take more than you have to give to fix that one. Its important to have the problem clearly defined so to match it to the correct solution. You can be supportive but I seriously doubt you'll be or have the solution. It just doesn't work that way from what I have experienced of the world.

Marj Ann · Jun 10, 2006, 10:00 AM

KC/Lynn: I agree that IF your 'boyfriend' is perpetually depressed, et al... it is most likely NOT because of a lack of QUALITY time with you. Do me something? Make a couple of LISTS. What you LIKE about this guy & what YOU DON'T... or don't KNOW. Maybe this 'love' is more a matter of seeing him as a 'match' for your subconscious 'ideal'; ya' know? List his QUALITIES you respect, admire, & LIKE & those you "QUESTION" that he DISPLAYS. BEFORE you invest too deeply & decide you LOVE this guy, find out for sure you LIKE & respect him. I've found that we KNOW about people ONLY what they ALLOW us to know. Everyone 'protects themselves with'masks' so to speak. Behind his 'mask' COULD be a very 'troubled' & 'Needy' sort that upon CLOSER inspection, could prove to be your WORST nightmare; Possessive or jealous to the max, verbally, physically or emotionally abusive... Emotional being the ABSOLUTE WORSE! [All in the name of 'Love', of course] Find out, ask & gently probe to discover his VALUES, who his HEROS are, what motivates him & find out HOW he thinks about & treats his MOTHER. Take care & do your HOMEWORK, ok?

valinors_sorrow · Jun 10, 2006, 10:09 AM

Or... on second thought... if this turns out to be his embellished manner or poor choice of wording to say "I don't like how we aren't spending enough time together - can we talk about this?" I would suggest you let him know that plain english, without all the drama, works better.

talaniman · Jun 10, 2006, 10:10 AM

To automatically conceed to someones wishes might not be the way to go ,so take the time to learn more about them before you get out in left field. Your just starting to learn about this person.



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