Help!

I've liked this girl (we're both in our early twenties) for almost a year now, but the entire time she had a boyfriend (for 1 year and a half). We live 2 hours drive away, but her boyfriend lives in the same city. I have no idea how they are doing, but it is her first boyfriend.

For the past year, we've kept in touch pretty well. We talked on the phone at least once a week for a few hours. We emailed every second day. And when I'm in town, we would go out just the two of us.

A few weeks ago I told her how I felt. Basically, to summarize the important parts of the conversation, I said: "I really like you, but I know you have a boyfriend, so I tried so hard to fight off the feelings but I just can't." She said: "I don't know what to say, but thank you for telling me"... And then we hung up.

It's been 3-4 weeks now and we did not really speak much since that day. I've been giving her space and time to digest what I said and hopefully she will say something back.

Then, two days ago, I couldn't take it and I called her up. We just talked like normal and then I asked her if she was free this weekend. I just wanted to hang out with her, I was not planning to bring up my feelings for her. She said she might go out of town. But if she is in town, she will let me know. I find out tonight.

At this moment, this is exactly how I feel and what I want to say to her:

I am the type of person who would go after what I want. I do not sit around and wait for something to happen.

But I also know that sometimes, there are restrictions beyond my control. For example, it does not matter how I feel about you, the fact remains that you have a boyfriend.

I respect that and I really hope that you are happy. But there is so much I want to say and do but I cannot. I cannot even tell you how much I like you or even why I like you.

At first, I wanted to know how you feel about me too. But since you have a boyfriend, it is better if you do not say anything. I do not want to ruin your relationship.

Because I know that nothing can happen between us, I feel so much pain. Part of me wants to stay friends with you because I rather you be part of my life than nothing at all. But at the same time, staying friends with you will remind me of the pain.

Obviously I cannot say 90% of those things. What do I do?

I know the reality is that I have to move on. Here's an analogy of how it feels. It feels like I will fail an exam because I am not allowed to show up. I won't even get a chance to write the exam. I know that I should have dropped the course, but I missed the deadline. It's too late to drop, I like her too much.