Ok so I really like this girl and she has a boyfriend they have been together for 3 years we have been friends for about 4 months I never liked her until about a month ago we stated talking more but I didn't tell her my feelings because she had a boyfriend and didn't want to ruin that for her. She then started flirting with me more but nothing serious we joked around about how cute the kids would be if we had some but that was just joking around. She then broke up with her boyfriend she had complained about him a lot but he is a nice guy and I had told her that prior to them breaking up. We then hung out and ended up sleeping together then two days later he convinced her that he would change and to give him one more chance so she got back together with him, this was the first time they had broken up in 3 years so it wasn't a on then off type of relationship. For the couple days that we were intimate she kept saying how right it felt being with me. So after they got back together she still is hanging out with me all the time and kissing me and doing everything but sex but she is still always talking about wanting to have sex but something always happens so we don't and even though we haven't slept together again because her boyfriend is now keeping a very short leash on her we are cuddleing and doing what a boyfriend and girlfriend would be doing, but when she has to leave to go back to her boyfriend she hessitates and procrastinates and says how much she just wants to stay with me and once again saying how right it feels to be with me but that she knows its wrong because she does have a boyfriend. I just don't know what to do I have now started to like her even more, I am being reserved so I don't get as badly hurt either and I don't want her boyfriend to find out because I don't want him to be hurt because of what's happening either because he is a nice guy. I just don't know what to do but I have to do something because he is starting to get quite suspecious because she is always over at my house. Help please:confused: I just want her to be happy no matter the outcome. I just can't keep going like this.

She needs to make her mind up or you need to make her mind up for her and get out of there. Being in this kind of relationship is not healthy for you or her. I would seriously suggest keeping hands off her until it's sorted out.

Get.out.of.there.now.

You don't want that mess.

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Originally Posted by shummerv

Ok so i really like this girl and she has a boyfriend they have been together for 3 years we have been friends for about 4 months I never liked her until about a month ago we stated talking more but i didnt tell her my feelings because she had a boyfriend and didnt want to ruin that for her. She then started flirting with me more but nothing serious we joked around about how cute the kids would be if we had some but that was just joking around. she then broke up with her boyfriend she had complained about him alot but he is a nice guy and i had told her that prior to them breaking up. we then hung out and ended up sleeping together then two days later he convinced her that he would change and to give him one more chance so she got back together with him, this was the first time they had broken up in 3 years so it wasnt a on then off type of relationship. for the couple days that we were intimate she kept saying how right it felt being with me. so after they got back together she still is hanging out with me all the time and kissing me and doing everything but sex but she is still always talking about wanting to have sex but something always happens so we dont and even though we havnt slept together again due to the fact that her boyfriend is now keeping a very short leash on her we are cuddleing and doing what a boyfriend and girlfriend would be doing, but when she has to leave to go back to her boyfriend she hessitates and procrastinates and says how much she just wants to stay with me and once again saying how right it feels to be with me but that she knows its wrong because she does have a boyfriend. i just dont know what to do i have now started to like her even more, i am being reserved so i dont get as badly hurt either and i dont want her boyfriend to find out because i dont want him to be hurt because of whats happening either because he is a nice guy. i just dont know what to do but i have to do something because he is starting to get quite suspecious because she is always over at my house. help please:confused: i just want her to be happy no matter the outcome. i just can't keep going like this.

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I think a lot of people will tell you that messing with a girl who has a boyfriend is wrong and improper, however it is not! It depends on how you approach the situation entirely. Being forward, sexual and derogatory of the boyfriend, or making private plans with the woman is very un-ethical and to me, is very wrong.

However, in your case, since you've already made that move and gone WAY TO DAMN FAR with an AFFAIR; I would suggest you tell her to break-up with her boyfriend in some way like. "Well if you want to be with me, why aren't you?". Her answer will either be, "I love him", "ok", or somehting along the lines of, "i love you both". In which case (and I'm assuming she's being quite selfish). She needs to know that she can't have the best of both worlds.

It is a waste of your time to dilly-dally around the IDEA of one day being together but wasting your time with secret meetings and affairs. She needs to know that you want to make something out of your relationship and you don't want to sit around doing what SHE wants and you get to be on her leash.

I feel sad for her boyfriend... you should tell her to choose eighter one of you... because the way she's acting in front of you and her boyfriend is... well I'm not liking it...
... tell her man that whatever she's doing with you and her boyfriend is not healthy[good]!.

Sorry if it's not a good one..

There are no rules against courting after any single female, even ones with boyfriends. But you don't have control of yourself (look what you did with her first chance you got) and you don't have control of her (obviously).

Get some standards, some rules for yourself. Admit you treat dating like a sexaul romp and not a serious search for a mate. Until that happens, this is what you will reap in one way or another.

As for this situation, you already know what to do and just don't want to, so you won't. Complaining here is nice, but you know you need to be more stable yourself before you have a chance in Helsinki of finding it in a girl.

On the other hand, if you have no intention of slowing yourself down and secretly enjoy this drama, then there you go. You're already a winner.

I need to talk with someone. Please escuse my bed english

I need to talk with someone. Escuse my bad english please. If it's posible the privet conversetion with someone... I just want to talk

Love is addictive sometimes, She might be addicted to him and not be able to break it off too easy, but then again she has shown her love and interest in you.
She sounds like a player, or attention seeker to me.
But yea..
Definitely talk to her and ask her if she thinks she could make up her mind and choose one of you.
There are a million other fish in the sea, and sadly it is quite hard once you get addicted to someone. Just remember there are always other girls that you might be able to meet in your circle of friends, at a party you attend, or that hang out with your friends that might be just like that girl, or more your type only with out the strings attached.
I am in the same boat, however I know to keep my horizons open. The girl that I like is dating a guy that is in jail, and sadly he treats her not all that great. He has cheated on her a few times, and she is addicted to him.
I have not attempted to make any moves, as I know how it feels to be locked up or stuck some place and have your girlfriend leave you. For all I know he might be able to change, and be more faithful to her.
Around the part of ensuring she stays happy. Well its pretty much her playing the game. Some girls you have to be careful with. Some are out for endless attention, and are definite players. What do you think that your relationship would be like if she where to be dating you, and or do you think it would be any different if after a few years of dating you she grew bored and decided to find another guy friend to have a fling with, meanwhile pretending to still love you.
My ex girlfriend did the same to me, and I was addicted. But after a few months of being able to clear my head of her, and understand that she had quite a few flaws. I am now able to say, Don't let yourself be played by anyone.
Hope this worked out for you.

Wow. If a girl has a boyfriend, and you are a respectable person, you would keep your hands, and your charming little flirts away from her. She has a boyfriend, so she is off-limits to any other guy.

Not only is she cheating on her boyfriend-(How could YOU ever trust her?) but this experience will make a BIG impact on any future serious relationships you may find yourself in (including a future marriage.) It won't be too fun when you have to tell your wife that you helped a woman cheat on her boyfriend, and you slept with her while she was involved with someone else.

Your actions speak volumes- by her cheating on her boyfriend, that should tell you that her values say "it's okay to cheat!" By you helping her cheat, your values say "It's okay to sleep with other guys' girlfriends!"


Do you see how your actions will now affect your future tremendously? Do you think women want a man who is known to sleep with other women behind their boyfriend's backs (and this girl has been in this relationship for 3 years? How could you do this to them?)

It is disrespect to the extreme to tempt a girl who is in a relationship, or to be involved with her.

Love is very intense, it involves commitment, trust, and willingness to give up your life for the other person- you don't love her, she doesn't love you... Love isn't a feeling it's a choice.

Get out of this situation, get your head on straight, and don't talk to these two again.

Why are we restarting 2-year old questions?