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I like my co-worker but she has a bf! what do i do?
Alright, recently I've been wondering what is going on at work. See I'm in my 20s, and this female co-worker is 4 years older than me. While we are at work together, she seems to flirt with the other co-workers and myself. After work, we sometimes text/call each other or sometimes grab something to eat or run errands. She only does this with me, and no one else at work. The conversations basically consist of normal everyday conversations. Now these conversations usually always take place while the bf is either gone working out of town for a few days. Or while he's asleep or working in another part of their house. They have been together for about 3-4 years, and are currently living together.
I really enjoy hanging out with this girl and talking to her, but I'm not sure what I should do. I would like to be more than friends, but I'm not sure what her feelings are about that. I'm pretty inexperienced with dating and I'm just wondering if she is just thinking of me as a good friend. I just don't understand what she's trying to tell me. It just feels odd that she would hang out with me while she has a bf.
I've met her bf and he's around 11 years older than her! That is a pretty big age gap in my opinion. I've only talked to him a few times but he seems normal and an ok guy. She talks about him a lot too when we are talking. She always seems to bring him up in one of our conversations either negatively or positively.
I just don't want to do anything that would make our current friendship get messed up.
Please, if anyone has any ideas on what I could do, please let me know!
Thanks
Just remember... If you involve yourself with her, three or four years down the road, she may "feel the need" for another friend... and you could quite possibly find yourself in the same situation, but on the other side.
If that's a risk that you want to take, then go for it!! But as a woman, I agree with ISneezeFunny, girls don't cover their bases and plan to rebound.... Good girls, that is.
Ok, i hear you all...I just don't know how long I want to "wait" i guess. I sorta have my hopes up right now, but I need to understand what she has going on in her life right now. She seems unhappy in her relationship this past week, but that again just gives me hope that probably will be shot down a week later. I just don't see anything really happening with her leaving him because they do live together, and she would need to find another place to live. Unless they broke up cleanly...but who knows. I just see him being to old to change his ways, and if she's not happy with those ways, then she should realize it and get out. But that's not my call.
Well, the past few days at work have become different in a way. We still email back and forth, but not as often, and we don't talk to each other outside of work as much. I asked if something was wrong and she just said that she's been having some financial troubles with people she's loaned money to. Not sure if that's the whole problem, but I can't really tell. She was talking about her bills, and how she's stuck right now. I don't think it's just financial troubles.
I'd like to help her out, but I don't want to get to close and friendly that I scare her away.
Any ideas what may be going on and what I can do? At this point I'm happy being friends, but if we don't communicate, I'm starting to feel sorta left out or not as an important friend.
You're starting to act like a clingy boyfriend. ...that's a problem. Just keep in mind that you're a friend to her, nothing more. If she has a problem she wants to share with you, then she'll talk to you. If not, don't prod.
You're starting to act like a clingy boyfriend. ...that's a problem. Just keep in mind that you're a friend to her, nothing more. If she has a problem she wants to share with you, then she'll talk to you. If not, don't prod.
Gotcha, thanks for the advice. I sorta feel like i'm too clingy at times. I just need to forget all that stuff and let her come to me. I think i'm just to friendly or sensitive at times.
I hear ya. Most of us here are nice guys who care too much or give too much or would do anything to make the life of their significant others happy. That's why we end up here. Because we try too hard. We make it too easy for women.
Your spending way to much time, and emotion, on this unavailable female, and this will lead you to being sucked into her drama. No one here knows her, and neither do you really, but its so obvious your hanging around, hoping she breaks up with her b/f, so you can have a chance. Be honest with yourself, and recognize from what you have written, these are not the actions of a friend at all. Get your life back in order, and stop the contact for a while, and do something else, besides worry about her, and her situation.
Most definately do not get together with her. Ive dated 3 of my co-worker's and it just creates problems and tensions in the workplace.
You get close to people you work with because they are the only people around to talk to, these things rarely work out in the long run.
It just isnt worth it
I'm not looking to work there much longer, and neither is she. I'm still young and always looking for a new job in hopes of finding a career. I plan on working somewhere else in a year or 2 for sure. It's already set up. I've thought of that, but we are just good friends these days. And if something were to happen, i don't really see to much trouble while working together.
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