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I've fallen for two people.
Asked Aug 1, 2010, 12:50 PM
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19 Answers I'm in a very uncomfortable situation at the moment. It seems I've fallen in love with two people which isn't uncommon for my sexuality. I'm polyamorous meaning...Polyamory (from Greek πολυ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. The problem is one guy I've been dating for a year and 8 months. He's great to me, treats me like a queen and understanding but the thing is with him he's not doing good in school and our future doesn't look exactly what I'd want it to. The secound guy I met online. We have an amazing connection and talk every night. The problem here is the distance. We're planning on meeting in half a year and if everything goes well we'll move in together at the end of the year. He would be able to take care of me because he has a good paying job and money. He's also older which is a huge turn on for me. [Don't worry this isn't a serial killer or anything  ]I broke up with my first boyfriend but now were kind of sort of together.. I love him dearly and don't want him to be hurt but I just don't see myself with him in the long term but when we break it off I fall apart. I have to choose one or the other because being in a 3-way releshionship won't work for these jelous men.. It's a hard choice and I don't like hurting anyone's feelings but my own are at stake here too, I try and put the pro's and con's on paper and nothing is clear. I'm causing myself stress and heartache because everyday it's the same problem on my mind. |
19 Answers
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| Because your 'polyamorous' does that mean you can't commit to anyone? Ive never heard of the term,just curious. Or is it a word you found for someone who just can't commit to one person,in other words not ready for a serious relationship? From your post it would seem your not ready to settle down,instead of trying to make a decison why not continue to just date. Stay single. Or at least until your ready to commit,that way you don't have to deal with anyone being jealous. | ||||
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| It means I can be with multiple people in a relashionship as long as everyone is okay with it. I could marry one person but have side relashionships too. I feel like there is no limit to who my heart falls for. I actually want to settle down at the end of this year and move in with someone but I don't want to hurt anyone either. The thing is I'm already serious with the first guy but I find myself falling hard for this other guy and I'm confused. | ||||
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| What about the other people involved? Its not really fair on them,although,making a committent means not acting on impulses,so you can in fact control who you fall for,by not putting yourself in a position where you are developing feelings for someone else. Is this a condition or disorder? Did you see a therapist or phycologist who told you this? | ||||
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| Not a condition or disorder. I just don't follow the normal monogamy releshionship that most people have. With the first guy he want's me to conform to this and not have sex with or be with anyone else. The secound man is more open and would allow me to have side flings with females not men. There's many people/group etc were people talk about their polyamourous lifestyle and it's gaining more recognization these days. I just don't know what to do but I think the only thing TO do is break things off with the first guy who has been so good to me but doesn't fit my criteria. It's going to kill me though to hurt someone =[ Love is complicated. | ||||
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| I'm 18. Guy #1 is a few months younger than me and not okay with me being with anyone else besides him. Guy #2 is 24 and okay with me dating girls on the side. I feel like I can handle being with multiple people because it can be beautiful and having the love of 2 people at once is wonderful. It can make you feel all sorts of good emotions so long as all people within the releshionship are respectful of each other and things are done equally. It's unusual and a lot of people believe the jelousy would be too much but as far as I've seen if done right it can be a great experience. | ||||
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You are young enough not to have been involved in many relationships , which means you still do not know all the aspects of even a one on one relationship. I would advise trying your hand at one on one. You are setting yourself up for far more than I think far more experienced People could handle. At 18 you are idealistic enough to believe this can be done without many complications. I seriously doubt that there are too many people in this world who can really accomplish what you have set out to do. I would reconsider this very carefully. | ||||
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| And I know that often from mid 20's to the next 20 years, the ability to earn may change a lot. And so does desires in relationships. If you don't mind your partner dating others, and they don't mind you dating others, then merely date both but always be open | ||||
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