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Home > Family & People > Dating   »   If looks aren't the most important thing.

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Old Apr 17, 2008, 09:22 PM
Toluca_86
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If looks aren't the most important thing.

So this is about a situation that happened to me circa 5 months ago. I posted about it already, but I have new thoughts.

I've finally decided that with this guy I was dating, no matter how much I tried to act chill and give him the impression I didn't care too much what was going on, he /still/ acted like a jerk, and pulled a jerk move. It kind of bothers mee that it took me 5 months to make that decision, but umm... oh well. It's a damn shame too, b/c he has some awesome friends I'd like to get to know better.

In the meantime, he asked me to be "just friends" and to keep in contact when I moved away, and I've been going along w/ it. I think part of this was my denying that he had truly acted like a jerk, and part of this was me thinking about how he'd always say he was attracted more to talent than to looks, and how there was a lot he didn't know about me and my abilities, so maybe if I could impress him even more about my intelligence and abilities he'd be more interested in me... Of course, I now think about how much the woman he's dating now (who replaced me, basically) looks a lot more like his exes than I do, and I'm thinking "mm-hmm. sure it's all about talent..." And now I'm just thinking that everything about the "I'm really glad I know you line" he fed me about wanting to keep in touch doesn't really add up, and I'm increasingly suspicious it's more out of his own needs to view himself a certain way (as a "nice guy" or as a desireable person or something) and will never benefit me in the long run...

So now that I'm not feeling so warm to him, I still always feel a need for closure. Should I try to talk to him about "what is up" or just phase him out of my life, or what?

Also, another thing:
A) I have his new gf's e-mail
B) I have the URL to his online blog with lots of "private" thoughts and possibly, potentially things that would make her think twice about him (only possibly though...)

So: Would /you/ do something if you were in my shoes, such as sending her an anonymous e-mail? (If not, you can at least see why I'd have the urge, right?) Any ideas for how I could cover it up so he'd never guess it was me (besides just the anonymous part)?

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Old Apr 18, 2008, 07:08 AM   #11  
Altenweg
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I agree 100%.

Just live your life, find happiness, that is the best revenge. Wonderful advice Tal.
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Old Apr 18, 2008, 07:15 AM   #12  
bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE
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toluca_86,

You have no right telling his girlfriend anything. Even if it is 'anonymous' as you say. Only he does.

What are you trying to accomplish here? Revenge or having him as a boyfriend again? I'm guessing both, right?
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Old Apr 18, 2008, 07:26 AM   #13  
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Ooo... good point, Brunette Beauty.... Revenge and Return...

I'm wondering the same... sweetie, yes, revenge may feel sweet at the time, but you're only hurting yourself if you go through with it. Be the bigger person here... don't let his immaturity dictate your own maturity.

Move on. You deserve better - a man should appreciate your awesomeness without you having to show him your qualities. Don't settle for someone who you have to spoon feed your greatness to.

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Altenweg agrees: Well said, every last word. Great advice.
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Old Apr 18, 2008, 06:06 PM   #14  
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Forget him. don't give him the satisfaction of thinking that you are still wanting him.
If you contact him in any way it will give him the impression you want him so much and can't get over him. don't feed his ego!
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Old Apr 25, 2008, 06:45 PM   #15  
Toluca_86
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"What are you trying to accomplish here? Revenge or having him as a boyfriend again? I'm guessing both, right?"

Not having him as a "boyfriend". I mean, all I was looking for with him originally was kind of a fling -I was just kinda insulted by the way it ended. And it was also a bit messed up cuz he was acting more affectionate than I really wanted him to and I was starting to think there might be more potential there... and that was right when he broke it off.

Speaking of which,
I hadn't talked to him for a month, and was feeling more over him than I ever had. Then he texts me a week ago asking me if anyone had ever told me I reminded them of (insert certain iconic actress here). I haven't yet responded. I can kinda see why he might say that, actually, but still I'm pretty sure that constitutes flirting...
So: If he doesn't like me but he's flirting b/c he craves attention, he = tool.
If he /does/ still kinda like me and that's why he's flirting, well, given our history, and given I think he's still dating someone else "monogamously" that would pretty much /definitely/ make him a tool, wouldn't it?
The only problem: If he breaks it off with /her/ before I see him again, may the gods give me self-control...
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Old Apr 25, 2008, 08:04 PM   #16  
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Has anyone else experienced something like this?

What to do, what to do...
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