how to let him down, how to egg him on

xparker_lewisx · #1 May 5, 2007, 03:06 PM

Ok, so a guy i know is going to ask me out soon-- he's told several of my friends who told me-- but he's more of a brother than a boyfriend. I just don't see him that way. how do i let him know that without ruinging a friendship?? Then, there's a guy I know that i WANT to date. he's really sweet and funny and he treats me like a girl instead of one of the guys. He's recently started holding my hand when we're close enough and cuddling, but he hasn't asked me out yet. Is he waiting on a sign from me? if he is, how do i give him the ok without making it seem like i want to rush into a serious relationship? because after my last--and first-- i need to take things kinda slow. i don't want to come off as a witch though. if anyone has any advice on either problems, i'd be totally indebted if you answered!!

Clough · May 5, 2007, 10:09 PM

Concerning the first guy, you are getting second-hand information. Until you hear it from "the horses mouth" so to speak, you haven't been asked out by him. If he does ask you out, then I would go out with him, and make your intentions clear to him that you like him as a friend, but that you have many things in your life in front of you and don't want to get tied down to any one person right now. Also, there's nothing wrong with going out with a friend and having some fun doing some things. Actually, you never know where the relationship will go. You have lots of time to make friends and try different things out as far as your life is concerned. It's best to find out what you really want for your life first as far as a career and preparation for that is concerned.

Concerning the second guy, he's already gotten close to you by holding your hand and cuddling. As far as I'm concerned, you are already doing something together that people would do on a date. Why not just suggest to him something additional that you could do together? It doesn't all have to be his decision or idea. If you make your intentions clear, about wanting to go slow, then I am sure that he would understand if he cares about you, which he obviously already does.

xparker_lewisx · May 10, 2007, 05:06 PM

thanks, your advice really helped me out!! i think i've pretty much straightened it out: me and mikey-the guy who wanted to date me-- have gotten to be really close friends. and nothing more than that, which is what i strived for. and the guy i want to date is being fairly cooperative in not rushing me into anything. we're still not 'offical' but i've figured that if we get through summer vaction (three months of the year which i will be spending with famil in another state) we'll be set for just about anything. if it doesn't work out then it'll be fine too. like you said, i need to focus on where i'm going in life and where i want to get. i can worry about guys later.
but really, thanks for your help!!



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