I have this friend, who I served with in AmeriCorps, a national service program, and we were close in proximity off-and-on between September 2005 and July 2006. Both of us were involved in a travel experience which took us to different parts of the country, helping individuals, families and communities having various needs.

This friend is currently 21, and I am 25. She is a student in college, 3 hrs from me, while I am living and working in New York. I plan on going to grad school next year for teaching. I'll probably go to school in-state to save money.

I am coming off of a long-distance relationship, where I dated someone for over a year who lived in Massachusetts. We met online, but we split, because other than geographical hardships, she had informed me the chemistry wasn't there anymore.

Back to said friend. I've always been a good friend of her's, and she recently sent me a message, asking where I'd be living June/July/Aug, saying maybe she and two of our mutual friends (girls) could visit me sometime. I messaged her back and told her where I'd be.

I just wondered if there's anything there -- how to tell in this situation, since she and I live in 2 different states. We've talked on the phone when she's around. She's currently studying abroad. I know some critics out there will probably tell me to date someone closer in proximity, but I can't argue with feelings I am having.

Advice? Thanks.

She's kind of shy, so I don't want to say too much to scare her. She and I have sorta flirted online via a social network site, so I don't know...

and she's single.

Thanks

talaniman

Its mighty hard to date someone, and have fun getting to know someone, when they are not there. Sure you can be attracted to people, but for that attraction to mean something, it has to have a chance to grow, and develop, and distance does just the opposite. Having fun is one thing. Developing a relationship is another. I would have fun with my out of town friends, but expecting more is unrealistic, and given the distance, not very promising. If your looking for someone to have fun with, on a more personal level, try looking locally, as long distance relationships are hard to maintain, and as you know have their own special problems.

runlove

Thanks,

If I see her this summer, should I just spend more time 'getting to know her' more, and see where it goes? I agree, at this point in our lives we're at different stages, different places, so it makes it hard to think long-term.

But I am open to the option, if it arises.

talaniman

Short term, just my opinion, forget building a long distance relationship, as even when the patners are committed, they can hardly maintain it. Sooner or later the distance has to be bridged.

Femur

For the fourth time tonight, listen to her. Even if you dont talk to her much, its important to really pay attention when you do. You'll start noticing things about her just by how she talks to you, in her tone and choice of words. You sound like youre just like me, not big into relationships that might not mean anything. Even if she isnt interested, you can't have too many friends, especially of the opposite sex.