What can you do to fall OUT of love with someone? I am so in love with someone who just "doesn't want a serious relationship right now." he says he likes me and thinks we could be in a relationship in the future, but he and his ex girlfriend broke up about a month ago (she had been in Europe all summer, and told him she wanted to "go on a break" while she was there, so we started seeing each other in June, which ended with them officially breaking up in August) and he says we wants to wait until he is 100% over her before he starts seriously seeing someone else. So he calls me every day, and we'll talk for hours, and we'll see each other several times a week, which often involves us being intimate...but then when I'm not with him all I can think about is how much I love him and want to be with him...when he told me he just "wants to be friends for right now" (even though he doesn't act like it) it totally killed me. I have been so depressed over all of this and just want to stop loving him so I stop feeling like this. I thought maybe if I stopped talking to him and stopped seeing him all together that might work, but I don't want him out of my life because he is such an amazing person. We have so much in common and have so much fun together. We also have a trip planned to see an old friend on the coast next month. But if he doesn't love me back I don't want to have my heart broken every single day. But then part of me wants to wait it out until he is over her, but who knows how long that could be. What should I do?

kristynn

Hey Missy!

I am sorry I can’t give you the How to fall out of love? recipe, but here’s what I have to say about your situation, straight forward and very honest.

It sounds like you have a great friend. I don’t know exactly what you mean by “being intimate”, but my advice is to not go overboard. You’re ONLY friends, aren’t you? I sense that you might be bit too clingy and you also sound a bit insecure. He's unavailable right now, but instead of waiting for him to be fully available, you want him out of your mind and you are deeply disappointed because he doesn't share the same feelings right now.

He’s been straight forward with you: he wants to get over his ex-girlfriend, he likes you and he sees himself in a relationship with you in the future. Though, you’re clingy and you can’t seem to wait!

Here’s my advice:

First, you have to give him time to get over her. Accept this and put it in your mind that it’s for the best (because it is!). It's absolutely normal for him to need time to get over her. Second, keep in touch with him but keep in mind that you’re friends -- great friends. Don’t overwhelm him with your presence. I imagine you must be all over him that he can’t even keep his hands off anymore. He might take it as a temporary relief, but it doesn’t mean anything.

Listen to what he tells you, respect his choice and don’t take it badly. Back off a little bit. Tell him you want to remain friends with him and you understand he needs time to get over his ex. Make sure he knows how much you value his friendship and that you’ll always be there for him as a friend.

I don’t have tips to help you “fall OUT of love” and I don’t think this is what you really need.

In my opinion, the wise thing to do is to give it time… and remember that good things happen to those who wait.

Take care and I wish you luck!