how do i know if he is for real

twilight72 · #1 Feb 5, 2008, 04:55 PM

Hi.. i have been looking for answers but i guess it seems i cant find them..i had met this guy over a month ago. He is like totally amazing. I just got out of a really bad 10 year relationship and i am new to this i guess u would call it the dating world. Anyways, i have have really fallen for this guy and he has told me that he is scared to fall in love again because he has been hurt so much. When we spend time together it is amazing. We have talked about taking it really slow.. but i dont know if we are like dating or in some kind of relationship. I am totally scared to ask him, because i feel if i do he will run. He is still on this dating site where we met.. but it says now that he would love just to meet new friends.. also he has it on his face book that he is still single... i dont know what to do because i am so scared.. he talks about the future... but i dont know what to do..he calls me hun,babe etc.... hugs and kisses me... he does stay over at my place a lot when he can.. is he scared???? i know i am... i have decides to take it really slow with him.. but should i tell him how i feel now or wait?? because i am scared that if i do he will run.. since it is only been over a month since we met... please someone help... because i have been waiting all my life for such a great guy like this

George_1950 · Feb 6, 2008, 06:13 AM

twilight72 writes: "...I just got out of a really bad 10 year relationship...he calls me hun,babe etc.... hugs and kisses me... he does stay over at my place a lot when he can.. is he scared???? i know i am... i have decides to take it really slow with him...."
Sounds to me like you are driving down the road at 100 mph and wondering where the turns are. If you just got out of a bad 10 year relationship, maybe you need a vacation. Just a thought.

HistorianChick · Feb 6, 2008, 12:24 PM

Darlin, when you approach a relationship, you need to be honest with the person that you are starting a relationship with.

This guy sounds very nice. He sounds like a "keeper." You've just gotten out of a very long relationship and you deserve a good person in your life. I'm sure this guy - if he's as good a guy as you say - knows that you are scared. He may be a little scared too, actually!

The best thing for you to do is to sit down with him and tell him what you're thinking. Tell him that you're scared because of your previous relationship and that you don't know what to do in this situation, tell him that you are very excited about the open-book before the two of you and that you see potential for your relationship, tell him that he's an amazing person and that you would love to get to know him more.

Then leave the ball in his hands.

If you do this, you'll open yourself up to criticism, possible rejection, and the fact that he may be spooked... BUT you'll also open the door for an honest, real relationship that is truly enjoyed by both of you. You never know, this could be him. But, don't let your fear of rejection cloud your view....

You're worth it! He's worth it! Hold out your hand and ask him to dance...

Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained!

twilight72 · Feb 6, 2008, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

Darlin, when you approach a relationship, you need to be honest with the person that you are starting a relationship with.

This guy sounds very nice. He sounds like a "keeper." You've just gotten out of a very long relationship and you deserve a good person in your life. I'm sure this guy - if he's as good a guy as you say - knows that you are scared. He may be a little scared too, actually!

The best thing for you to do is to sit down with him and tell him what you're thinking. Tell him that you're scared because of your previous relationship and that you don't know what to do in this situation, tell him that you are very excited about the open-book before the two of you and that you see potential for your relationship, tell him that he's an amazing person and that you would love to get to know him more.

Then leave the ball in his hands.

If you do this, you'll open yourself up to criticism, possible rejection, and the fact that he may be spooked... BUT you'll also open the door for an honest, real relationship that is truly enjoyed by both of you. You never know, this could be him. But, don't let your fear of rejection cloud your view....

You're worth it! He's worth it! Hold out your hand and ask him to dance...

Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Aww tyvm... that is the sweetest way anyone has ever explained smething to me :-).. i totally understand what u r saying.. because i feel the same way.. i know that i have to not let my fear over take me.. and tyvm again. u r a very sweet person :-) i will do what u said and will let everyone know how things go... because letting it ride ..will probably be the wrong thing to do... hope me the best :-)

twilight72 · Feb 15, 2008, 03:34 PM

I told everyone i would write back as soon as i know what was going on... well he just wants to be friends.. says he has to much going on in his life anything else.. but the strange thing of the matter...i meet a new guy.. the day that the guy told me he wanted to be friends it was really wierd... this guy is totaly awesome... the only thing is that he is younger then me but i dont really care.. i have never felt such a chenisrty reaction... i will let everyone know how thing goes with this guy i am hoping for the best.. he says says the best thing to do is see each other right now and see how things go... he wants to have a relationship with me.. but it is better to take things slow.. because the love grows better that way

twilight72 · Feb 17, 2008, 12:17 PM

ok everyone... i cant win... found out the new one i am seeing is just using me.. how nice.. and the first guy i talked about the first time that says he wants to be friends... well... he is coming around again... his son told me that he is scared because he is really falling for me.... and that when he said he wants to be friends... he wants to see if i will wait... i seen him yesterday and wow... i just felt this really amazing feeling inside... his son told me that i should try and talk to his dad.. because me and him r meant for each other.. so the other guy when i found out he is just using me.. and saying nice things to just get what he wants... i told him to hit the road... so i have decided to stay single... and see where things will go with the first guy.. his son told me to follow my heart and that is what i am going to do... and just take things one day at a time...because good things come to those who wait..but what gets me.. i guess i am a fool for nice and caring words.. and fell for the trap.. but will keep wrting to let u all know how thing work out ok... and ty all for being there for me and giving me such good advice

Curious0-1 · Feb 18, 2008, 12:12 AM

I bet he feels the same! He probably doesn't want to scare YOU away. Let time do its thing! Take it easy, and don't get too exaggerated. Take it easy.

You are probably just "dating" getting to know eachother and such. Until you both know that you are in a deeper level, just relax.

twilight72 · Mar 16, 2008, 02:13 PM

Hey everyone i am back... so many things have been going on with the first guy i talked about... i need someones advice.. well see he still considers us friends... now this is the big part.. he has been coming over more and he even stays with me in my bed at night.. but we dont do nothing at all... he has told me that he is scared to get into another relationship... he has also said to me if i was to get a bf he would be gone... he does everything for me.. he has even made plans for the future with me involved... he said he loves me very much as a friend.... we spend a lot of time together.. we talk a lot also.. i told him how i felt about him... and he still hasnt ran away... but i am so confused... because friends dont do things we do for each other .. we are not sleeping togther in that way.. but we do sleep in the same bed or anything like that... but he told me that i am the most amazing thing that has ever happened to him and that we have a great bond now and that i would never get rid of him... what i want to know is he like scared to be in a relationship with me... or what... he told me that he has been hurt so much that he doesnt want to get hurt.... but i also told him i value him as a friend and dont want to lose that.. but the point is that he has told me that he doesnt want me to get a bf... and would i be around till he can figure out what he wants.... he is even on a date site and hides it from me saying that he is onlly making friends..it has been almost 4 months now and i dont know what to do.. i have very strong feelings for him... and he has never said that it would never be no more then friends.. but we r friends... idk it is so confusing.. idk what to do. help

Grand Chilokar · Mar 16, 2008, 03:14 PM

IF HE REALLY DIDNT WANT A RELATIONSHIP HE WOULD BE ON A DATE SITE!!! i mean isnt that kind of obvious? best i can say is think about how long You believe you would be with him. if your gonna be wit him for a LONG time, tell himyou wanna be a part of his life troubles and hardships. be involved

twilight72 · Mar 16, 2008, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grand Chilokar

IF HE REALLY DIDNT WANT A RELATIONSHIP HE WOULD BE ON A DATE SITE!!! i mean isnt that kind of obvious? best i can say is think about how long You believe you would be with him. if your gonna be wit him for a LONG time, tell himyou wanna be a part of his life troubles and hardships. be involved

i understand what u r saying.... i have thought about being with him.. and i fell we coyld be together forever... because we just click so well together. so what u r saying is that because he is on a date site.. he is looking for something?/? why hide it from me then??? idk it is just really confusing... and i have told him how i feel and everything... other people have told that he is in denile of his feelings



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