I like this guy at work and I want to hang out with him outside of work (maybe even as a date), but I really don't want to wait around for him to ask me because he may never do it. Here's the thing though. I don't know if he is single or taken. How do I go about asking it without it looking like I'm trying to figure out if I can have him? And if he doesn't have a gf, how do I ask him out? I am not used to the whole girl asking guy out thing, I usually wait for the guy to ask me, but I feel like I lose so many opportunities by waiting and want to just come right out and ask a guy out. I'm really shy so this isn't easy for me and I have no idea what to do.

huno

Well, I take back the whole "sweet and innocent" comment...

I think Mom's post was great (can I call you Mom, Mom?). There are indeed a lot of points to discuss. Here is my POV (as if you asked for it...):

1) In almost EVERY workplace, people are going to talk, especially if you're all in your teens/twenties. You're just gonna have to get used to that, even if you try and keep it discreet; unless you are completely nonchalant about it (which is hard to do if you really care about each other), word will spread. Try and be very discreet about it.

2) If it's just a small place, I doubt your work has a "worker dating" policy, though that shouldn't stop you from wondering how you're going to handle the time when your relationship doesn't work out. If this job is a long-term thing, you may seriously want to avoid dating any guy there; but if it's just something to get you through school then don't worry so much--there are other jobs out there.

3) The biggest thing, though, is the nature of his ex and their breakup. If it really was the sort of thing where the relationship was cooling off, then there's probably not a lot to worry about, since he knew it was gonna end; he was probably just waiting for a replacement (maybe his ex was waiting for another guy to roll around, too). But if there are still feelings between he and the ex, you are gonna have one royal mess on your hands... you may have to deal with his ex trying to win him back (which may still happen--jealousy works wonders for igniting attraction), or he may really see you as just a "rebound girl" and may wind up with someone else. He's 25, so hopefully he's mature enough to keep his head on straight, though these days mature people are hard to come by.

You're gonna want to tread carefully. Don't let yourself get too involved right away until you can see what DaVinci's really thinking. If it's a relationship you want, then wait to see if he's really into you before you commit yourself.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck!

stargazer10

Huno,

Divinci has told me that he waited to break up with his ex because she was planning on leaving to go to school. So he didn't want there to be a rough period before that happened. Unfortunately, the break up couldn't wait any longer. I have been working there a month and a half and ever since the first day I saw them two (when I wasn't even a thought in Divinci's mind and neither him in mine) they were fighting, fighting, fighting.

He has told me all about what had happened between them and why she couldn't trust him (the reason for the fights).

And honestly, I have no idea what I want now. Divinci has always been "untouchable" in my mind since he did have a girlfriend at the time and now all that has changed. And what sucks is that he is of a different race than me and my parents are ultra-conservative and I can't bring him home to them. But, not all relationships have to exist with the intention of introducing him to my parents, right? I mean we talked for about two hours last night about things and I told him I couldn't bring him home to my parents and he completely understood. I mean, technically I can, but I would probably not be thought of the same by my parents (which is sad to say).

huno

Ah, yeah, definitely if the relationship was in that stage then it was as good as over, anyway. So there's probably no worry about that... but...

I'm a little curious--you don't have to answer if you don't want, but it really is genuine curiosity--after knowing him for such a short time, the two of you were comfortable talking about introducing him to your parents? I remember one former GF of mine freaked out when I even mentioned the idea of her meeting my parents after dating her for a month. Now I make it a point not to even mention it... how'd Divinci take it?

Anyway, well, you are right: not all relationships need to include the parents. So long as you're not in a situation that requires that he meet them, I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe if you've dated for many months you can introduce him and perhaps they'll be more accepting of him, if your parents are as conservative as you say they are, but as the relationship's just getting going there's no need for them to meet, or even for your parents to know about him.

Actually, that kind of begs the following: do you live with your parents? Are they overbearing? Are they the type to know about every detail of your life?

stargazer10

i do live with my parents...

and the situation had more to do with the fact that we are totally different people and i said to him "usually you are not my type, but im drawn to you for some reason. and as sad as it is to say this, you aren't somebody i can bring home to my parents."

and he said "i figured that." and was absolutely okay with the whole discussion. I am not racist and it doesn't bother me except for the fact that i know my parents wouldn't like it

kristynn

Hey Star Gazer,

Unexpected, isn't it? Most of the time, we don't know what our "type" is (although we think we do know) and then we fall for some "type" we never thought we could fall for but we can't help it. Yet, it's amazing and sometimes it MIGHT BE even better than when you fall for the same "type" again and again.

Concerning your parents and that "race" problem, I sincerely believe you shouldn't bother. You don't have to think about bringing him home yet, just not yet. It's too soon... maybe you too aren't even serious. I don't know, I'm just saying.

I know how it's like to have ultra-conservative parents, but trust me you shouldn't worry about it for now. It's not like you're gonna get married and they'll have no choice but accept your dear Divinci in the family. If ever that's gonna happen, then you'd have a reason to worry ... but this is not the case for now, so BE HAPPY and have fun!

Why let your parents decide who you should be in a relationship with?

kristynn

huno,

I think she freaked out because she thought you were too serious, too soon. Perhaps, she wasn't that serious...
Is it?

I would definitely freak out, too

huno

I mentioned it casually... I wasn't grabbing her arm and thrusting her into the car to drive up and meet them, I simply talked about one day going. She probably took it more seriously than I did. In retrospect, probably wasn't a good idea to mention it at all.

huno

Oh, I see, I see... well then I guess he's not working on his handshake with Mr. stargazer, is he?

You said before that you don't know what you want now... and you also say he isn't normally your type. I have to ask: what about him isn't your type?

Agreed...

...not agreed.

I know my type: quiet, mature, giggly but not to the point of being saccharine, of good morals and humble upbringing, and Spanish-speaking (I can't seduce in English). But what I can't stand is when I fall for some loud-mouthed, teenybopping girl who probably makes her dad worry she might come up in Girls Gone Wild. That to me just sucks. Logically, I know someone like me is best... but there's something about overly flirty girls that gets me every time.

I'd totally give you a "disagree" thingy but you give stellar advice and I don't want to ruin your rep.

ramblinguy

Finding places to meet and talk is correct. Most men and women , if given enough time, will willingly let it out that they are involved or not. Perhaps he doesn't know about you either. In a subtle way let him know your situation and check his response. It's really not bad to ask if he's seeing someone. If he is he will be flattered you noticed him, if not an opening has been created. See if he crawls through. If not, go for it.

kristynn

huno,

I totally agree with you on what you disagree. I edited my post and added "MIGHT BE" which was what I initially meant! * Couldn't rate your answer though...

Actually, what I mostly had in mind is... when some people (not me) guys or gals who think they're into the blond hair / blue eyes but then.. oops! they totally fall for the opposite "type" dark hair / brown eyes, if you see what I mean. But this is just looks and as much as we say it shouldn't matter that much, it still does.

By the way, I looooooooooooooove Spanish