I like this guy at work and I want to hang out with him outside of work (maybe even as a date), but I really don't want to wait around for him to ask me because he may never do it. Here's the thing though. I don't know if he is single or taken. How do I go about asking it without it looking like I'm trying to figure out if I can have him? And if he doesn't have a gf, how do I ask him out? I am not used to the whole girl asking guy out thing, I usually wait for the guy to ask me, but I feel like I lose so many opportunities by waiting and want to just come right out and ask a guy out. I'm really shy so this isn't easy for me and I have no idea what to do.

kristynn

Hey Star Gazer,
Nice to hear all that.
By the way, I was only kidding about Gospel. I know how it's like when you're not attracted to a guy who's interested in you. And you sound just like me, "a girl who likes to please". It definitely is always hard to reject people. I haven't found, myself, a way to do this nicely... if there is a nice way...
I also know how it's like when you find out the guy you're interested in is not "available".
But, I guess you agree that it's not the end of the world.

Yet, I still think YOU should find out from Carrot concerning his girlfriend. Sometimes, for some reasons, some people say things... but those things might not always be true. So, are you still shy to ask Carrot yourself?

stargazer10

Well yes I am too shy to ask Carrot myself... it's the way I am... I hate that part about me. I know I should ask him, but it's just so hard to come right out and say it. <SIGH> I hate being shy.

huno

Being shy sucks. Ranks right up there with having lupus.

Well, so you've mentioned you're shy, and you have low self-esteem around him. What goes through your mind when you see Carrot? Do you forget what you want to say? Do you envision yourself saying something and him snapping angrily at you, humiliating you in front of your co-workers? Do you think that he's a better person than you and so you believe you'd be bothering him or wasting his time with your company?

Also, think about this: you're very personable online and people here like you--I am positive you're the same way in person and anyone who meets you will enjoy having you around. You're a good conversationalist and I'm sure Carrot would be happy to talk to you, no matter what the subject.

You could pick better nicknames for your boy toys, though...

stargazer10

Ha ha! "Boy toys".... well Carrot has red hair... Gospel and Divinci are plays on their names... and Mr Good Bar... I actually have no idea why I chose that... I was under the influence... lol!

aguillermo

How to make a guy cry?

huno

Under the influence? Of what, gummi bears? Jolly ranchers?

You seem like entirely too sweet and innocent a girl to have been on the bottle or on the wacky tobacky...

Anyway, just keep that happy, cheery attitude when you talk to Carrot. Maybe he's not so into his girlfriend and wants a replacement... you never know...

Kick him in the balls. Next?

stargazer10

LOL! Well a lot has happened since the last post. Tonight I kissed Divinci. He broke up with his girlfriend two days ago. What I haven't really told you guys is that while I've been hung up on the whole Carrot thing... I have been attracted to Divinci, but I never really took it anywhere because of his girlfriend. I know it seems bad that we are already kissing two days after the break up, but (something for perspective) they had let the relationship linger for about two months before now. Meaning they knew the end was coming, but neither of them actually had the nerve to end it.

What sucks though is that where I work, everyone talks. So there isn't any way they are going to find out. Divinci and I both agree that they would say so much stuff that wasn't true and cause too much drama. So I'm confused. Do I want to see him privately/secretly or not. It is weird because I never really said anything before, but we both have great trust in each other. We talk about EVERYTHING. It's ridiculous. And what's weird is that we are complete opposites.

Mom of 2

There are some things to think about.

First, there are reasons that some people choose not to date anyone they work with, and you already stated one of them; people talk. I think that you are wise to consider making your relationship as discrete as possible for this very reason.

Second, a lot of managers/owners at various work situations (not just restaurants, but especially in restaurants) have a policy that workers cannot date eachother. This is because people sometimes have difficulty separating their personal lives from their work lives. Now, add the fact that the person you have a relationship with and personal issues with also works with you. I worked with a couple who I thought had a pretty good relationship, but whenever they had personal issues with each other, it created a silent tension among them, which had effect on business. Because of customer complaints of inadequate service, management eventually told the couple that either they had to become more mature and deal with their personal situations better and not let them effect their work, or one or both could no longer work for the establishment.

Third, this guy JUST broke up with his girlfriend, so take into consideration the idea of a possible rebound relationship for him. Even though the break up seemed to be in the works for a while, this guy may be in the needy phase, even if he was the one who did the breaking up. Just be careful.

Finally, isn't Divinci the one who you said your family may have a problem with? Think about ALL of the reasons that you are attracted to Divinci. Sometimes people are attracted to someone or something because of the challenge. Once the challange has been conquered, then the intrigue is gone and the attraction is no longer there.

You have a lot to think about.

SnaveLeber

you could do what alot of women do... spread it around to the other office workers. It'll get to him eventually.

stonewilder

Oh girl! I was in this exact situation once. I was 99% sure he was flirting with me and God knows I was flirting with him. His office was way over on the other side of the building so we never spoke more than a few words at a time in passing each other. He got a promotion that was going to put him even further away and I was moving to another area myself. I knew I would never get to see him then! I’ve told guys at bars to dance with me but it’s easy to find the confidence to tell someone to dance with you specially when you’re tipsy , it’s a whole other thing to ask a guy on a date when you’re sober and at work. I thought to myself ‘He’s just shy, maybe afraid I’ll hit him with a sexual harassment suit.” So one day I got my nerve up and hunted him down. I walked up to him and with confidence said, “You don’t have a girl friend do you?” Why wait for a answer, of course he didn’t ! At the same time I was holding out a piece of paper with my Email and phone number. I just froze in my place when he said,”I’m engaged.” And sure enough about a month later they was having a little party for him and his to be wife at work! Until then I had never in my life asked a guy out or offered my number. I would have never thought he was engaged ‘cause I was sure he was flirting with me! Now I know how hard it is for a guy to ask a girl out and I know the feeling of that rejection when they say no. I think I would ask another guy out again if I really liked him but next time, I will make sure there is no girlfriend!
Girl just do it! If he says yes then just think of the self confidence you will gain. If he says no...well you'll get over it. I did and I don't really regret it.