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His daughter said no to the marriage
Asked Jun 17, 2010, 12:19 PM
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160 Answers I was to get married to this Sat we was sort of eloping but our friends knew and was going to be there ,Got the license ,outfits and rings .Ready to roll then my big mouth said we should tell our kids mine are young 8 and 11 but his daughter is 18 . My children will be leaving everything they know home,family, friends,school and when I ask them what they thought they said if I was happy they would be happy . Well the daughter said NO she didn't want us to move in and if we did it wouldn't be like home to her anymore .She is leaving for collage in a few months and will only be here on the weekends if that. I understand she is a Daddy's girls and has had him all to herself for 5 years but she should know he would never marry someone that would stop a relationship between them I would NEVRE do that . As for the house I would like to make it our home . I love him and I want to marry him but he called the wedding off for now to give his daughter time to adjust to it all. I understand that but the reason we was going to move now is so my children could get settled in to the community and not have to change school in the middle of the year or whatever . I don't know what to do . He wants me to get to know her better and all that but I email her and tried to call. We live 1 and half away so its not like I an pop in and say hello lets hit the mall .I invited her to meet me and the boys half way at the pool to spend the day together she doesn't work so it's poss able I just feel helpless and I feel like an 18 year old is calling the shoots of our life .How do I help them how do I make him see she is being selfish and his and our happiness is on the line ? |
160 Answers
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| I'm sorry but I agree that you should wait. Your happiness is not on the line to rush into marrying this man. ALL of the children should get to know the both of you and each other before becoming family. Your children want you to be happy, of course, but they're too young to realize exactly how big a deal marriage can be. Would you really expect them to tell their Mommy "No"? Of course not! They want to make you happy! Its up to the both of you to take the kids interests to heart - even the 18 yr old. The wedding is postponed - that doesn't mean the relationship is over. In time, I think you'll see that its probably best that you're taking the time to get to know each other first. Getting married like that sounds to me like you're putting the cart before the horse. Consider exchanging text with his daughter as well as emails. You can swap photos of your kids, etc., and start a relationship at a distance... It might be a little less intimidating to both of you. Good luck! P.S. Involve your husband-to-be as well. He should take an active part in getting all of you to bond. | ||||
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| We have dated for 5 months I know not long But we want this ,Heck we are not getting younger lol I have been single for 5 years to his 11 . I have been around his daughter about every weekend but she is very very quiet a loner of sorts I like her when she does talk and I would I'm her on facebook from time to time but seems she has bocked me when she is on . I know this is hard for her and I am all about making her comfortable . I guess since she went off on her dad he has felt really bad and is really bending over backwards for her and blowing me off . I tried to talk to him about it but he gets upset .I agree the kids need to get to know each other and my boys do want to make mom happy I understand all that . My thing is the reason we decided to move faster is becouse of the up coming school year and I am between jobs at the moment it just made sense to us to do it now we was anyway at some point. Shouldn't sound funny we are adults and she is a young adult starting her own life we just wanted to state ours now nothing funny about it . | ||||
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| 5 months! Wow - I'm 31 and it would bother me if my mom married that quickly. I know you're both adults, but its not that simple when kids are involved. In a way, you should be glad he loves his daughter and is willing to listen to her viewpoint. A lot of men might not care what his children think. Take your time and enjoy getting to know them both better. Your kids deserve that too - not just his. | ||||
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| How is he with your kids? It was not really fair to spring this on his daughter and it would have really been unfair to do it behind your kids back. Their lives will be affected by this as well. Take your time to get to know each other, for your kids to get to know each other. Sounds like he has realized this was not such a smart thing to do. | ||||
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It may work out and it may not, but whatever happens it was meant to be. ....Good Luck | ||||
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She and he have only known each other for 5 months. They were going to sneak and get married do it without telling the kids. When you have minor children at home, a marriage to someone is not just about you especially if the children don't really know that person. I think that would have been unfair to all of the kids. 5 months. They don't even know each other. I would not bring a man I have only known for 5 months into the home with my kids, and it is not fair to think his daughter would be overjoyed over him bringing a basic stranger into their house without warning. Now if they had been dating say a year and there has been talk of marriage that becomes a different story. Seems to me the 18 year old had more sense than the adults. __________________ Right is right, even if everyone is against it; and wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it. | ||||
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